#nomdeplume

Chapter Four

Max shut the door to Gio’s room quietly as he left, exhaling deeply and leaning back against the wall to support himself as soon as the door clicked shut. The events of the last twelve hours seemed surreal and he needed a moment. Or maybe more than just a moment to process this mess. Collecting himself he headed down the corridor, letting himself into the room that he and Katelyn were sharing, trying to be quiet so as not to disturb her. Max stopped abruptly when he saw his best friend nestled in one of the armchairs facing the door of the hotel room awaiting his return. She smiled and laughed at his obvious embarrassment at being caught sneaking back into the room.

“Well well, the wanderer returns I see… Good night?” she asked him smirking, getting up to put on the kettle and make them both some coffee. Max shrugged, caught off guard and mumbling that he would rather not talk about it right now before dashing into the bathroom and locking the door. Turning on the shower, he stripped and stepped into the scalding water, relishing in the way his skin was turning a vivid pink under the heat of the water. The pain felt real and comforting in contrast to the chaos of his mind as he tried to take stock of the situation.

Uncomplicated. They were going to let things be… uncomplicated. Max wasn’t even sure if he knew how to do uncomplicated. The irony of his racing mind in conjunction with the simple phrase was not lost on him. He didn’t want to think about how he had just had the best sleep he had in months. Didn’t want to wonder it it was the amazing sex or the fact that Gio had him in his arms the entire night that caused it; and he distinctly didn’t want to think about the fact that as much as he wanted it to, he didn’t think he had it in him to let it happen again.

Once the high of Gio’s orgasm had worn off they had spoken briefly. It had been unemotional, with neither giving away too much. Max had found himself pulling away from Gio after the adrenaline rush had worn off, remembering that he wasn’t drunk anymore and couldn’t blame the alcohol for his behaviour. Max recalled how contradictory Gio had been throughout the course of the conversation. His words were non-committal but his hands never stopped touching Max in some way, be it brushing a strand of hair behind his ear or rubbing his thumb across his thigh. When Max had sat up in bed, resting against the headboard Gio had instantly mimicked his action, shuffling himself even closer than he had been previously and resting his head on Max’s shoulder. This was just another thing that he could puzzle over and over-analyse for the next… 50 years or so.

Vigorously rubbing shampoo through his hair he took a step out of the steaming water and looked down at his body. Marks he had not noticed the previous night, or in the scramble to re-dress this morning, became apparent to him. A soft purple flourish adorned his wrist where Gio had taken hold of him, with more bruises peppering his neck and shoulders. Glancing up in the mirror he saw that, even now, his lips were raw and pink from kissing. Stepping back into the stream of water he rinsed the shampoo from his hair, pressing his eyes shut tightly and letting the noise of the water engulfing him drown out his thoughts. A knock on the door brought him back to himself and he shut off the water, shouting “coming”, and wrapping himself in a towel. He didn’t want to face Katelyn right now but that wasn’t an option. He entered the bedroom and began rummaging in his suitcase for some clean clothes. They had a rare day off today before travelling back to New York on a flight later that evening.

“So how’s Giovanni feeling this morning?” Katelyn asked boldly, setting the coffee she had made them down on the bedside table next to Max and moving back to curl up in the armchair again with her own cup. Max froze before hurriedly digging to the bottom of his case, looking for nothing other than an excuse to not have to look his friend in the eye at that moment in time.

“I don’t know, why do you ask?” he asked feigning indifference, trying to at least look unphased by her question, despite being anything but.

“Kam’s already been by this morning”, Katelyn responded before launching into a further explanation. “Wanted to know if you would go to the gym downstairs with him. He asked where you were and I told him you’d gone to the store. So you can thank me for covering for your ass by the way. He said you three came back together last night. It doesn’t take a genius to put two and two together..” she finished softly. Her tone, originally jovial, had changed when she sensed a shift in the room, noting how Max could barely look at her.

“It’s possible to put two and two together and come out with five” Max jested, plastering a smile on his face and laughing at his friend. Inside he felt his stomach tie in knots as he lied to Katelyn. He knew she just wanted to be there for him through whatever this was but he couldn’t discuss this right now. Gio had asked that he keep this to themselves for the time being and he wanted to respect that. It also made sense to him given the level of scrutiny that they were all under, and if he couldn’t get his head round it how could he expect anyone else to?

“I wasn’t ready to sleep when we got back and I didn’t want to disturb you so I went down to the hotel bar for a drink. There was a cute guy there, we got chatting and one thing led to another…I’m a mess” he shrugged, self deprecatingly. He looked up at his best friend, who knew him better than anyone else in the world, and could tell in an instant that she was not buying it. “Awesome, you can tell me all about it later. Shall we go out for breakfast?”. Katelyn changed the subject and Max exhaled quickly, turning and confirming that he was starving with a smile.

“Just give me a second to change and we can go”.

He returned his attention to his case, actually searching for something to wear before dragging on his clothes and grabbing his phone. He was just walking through the lobby of the hotel when a high pitched ping alerted him to a text. His heart skipped and his stomach twisted when he saw the name on his screen: Aquaria.

Aquaria: Last night was cute, see you in NYC next week?

He flushed, glancing up to make sure that Katelyn hadn’t noticed how his face had turned a faint shade of pink and his breathing had faltered. She was oblivious, too busy searching her phone for somewhere they could grab some food. Max smiled as he started typing. He hadn’t mentioned where he was going to be. Gio had taken the time to check when their schedules next lined up. Maybe there could be more to this than he initially thought. He hit send, smirking and quickening his pace to catch up with Katelyn who was now almost at the door.

Max: Stop stalking me…

Max: I’ll see you there ;)

Chapter Five 

The following week was one of the longest Max had had to endure. If he wasn’t obsessively stalking Gio’s Instagram, thoughts of their last encounter were definitely not far away. Max felt like a teenager with a crush anxiously counting down the days until he would see the object of his affections. If it wasn’t for the constant gigs and endless traveling Max knew for sure he would have been in serious trouble. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt this intensely about anyone.

His last relationship had ended soon after he had gotten back to New York following filming. The end had been almost comically anti-climactic. He had known that the next year was going to be crucial for his career and that he had to throw himself into his work, knew that his priorities had to shift. And he was happy for them too. He didn’t even give it a second thought before cutting ties and moving on. Thinking back on it, Max knew he should have ended the relationship sooner than he had and had no good reason as to why he had kept it going for so long. He felt bad for the way that things had ended, he wasn’t heartless, the emotional part just didn’t come as easy to him as it seemed to everyone else.

It made him deeply uncomfortable to talk about emotions. His own. Other peoples. Any of it. It made his skin crawl and his brain shut down, checking out of the conversation. It took a long time for him to build up the connections and bonds that he had with his close friends, and even they were few and far between. Whilst these people knew more about him than anyone else he still wasn’t as open with them as he wanted to be. Max didn’t truly understand the reason that he couldn’t get passed this, but he had never been any different, even as a child. No matter how much he tried to work on himself and figure it all out he couldn’t quite put his finger on it or change it. He found comfort in his solitude for the most part, enjoying not having to rely on anyone else. That didn’t mean he didn’t feel lonely on occasion, and the time he had spent with Gio had only highlighted that he was definitely going through one of these periods now. He couldn’t figure out if the intensity of his feelings were for Gio specifically or if it was just the compananionship that he had been craving and so anyone would have done in the moment. Unfortunately for Max he had an inkling that it may have been the former.

Max was jolted back to reality by Katelyn asking him for some details of the upcoming tour that they were planning. Miz Cracker would be taking her one woman show on the road and this is what should have been the focus of his attention; now and at all points until it was over, not Giovanni, their messed up relationship and whether or not it would work. Pondering the question Max scanned the crammed wooden bookshelf behind them looking for the file with the information that she needed about the travel plans.

“One second, they’re in the binder on the shelf” Max said, stretching his tired muscles as he stood up to grab it, passing it across to Katelyn. Realising that he had thought of Gio and relationships in the same moment made Max feel nauseous. The fact that he couldn’t manage simple tasks like making coffee or going to the wig store without wondering where Max was, what he was doing and whether they could do these things together made him want to crawl under his duvet and not resurface for a month. Something to do with the thought of him and Gio being together set off a physical reaction in him, the hairs on the back of his neck standing up and a shudder running down the length of his body.

“You alright? You seem distracted”.

Max winced. He felt overwhelmed, sitting down heavily on the sofa next to Katelyn, he leaned his head on his best friends shoulder looking for reassurance. “Why am I such a mess?” he asked out loud, wishing instantly that this thought had remained unspoken.

“What’s wrong? You’ve got everything covered for the tour. You’ve got your look book and your costumes sorted, the writings all done… You need to stop being so hard on yourself Max” she sighed looking down at him, reaching around him to provide a reassuring hug. Max felt the floodgates open and before his brain had time to catch up with his mouth he found himself blurting out, “I know it’s not that” he muttered, “I just don’t do well with emotions and the like, you know me. And I feel like I have way to many emotions at the minute and I can’t control it and I just don’t know what I’m doing or whether I’m just overthinking things as per usual and I feel like my brain will implode if I-”.

“Whoa, do you want to take a breath?” she laughed. “Why do I have a sneaking suspicion that this may have something to do with a tall dark haired young man who you’re adamant you didn’t share a room with last week?”. Max groaned, throwing himself into the cushions dramatically; an unintelligible mumbling muffled by the seat.

“That was definitely, ‘you’re right Katelyn’” she said pummeling him with a cushion. “So you’re crushing on Gio huh? What’s wrong with that?”. Max reluctantly sat up, pulling his knees up to his chest and wrapping his arms around himself tightly.

“So many things. He’s a child Katelyn, I feel like a dirty old man. I just can’t see it working. Can you imagine me out at all those ridiculous parties with him and his friends? I went to one when everything was still normal with us and we were friends and I felt so out of place. If he was ten years older it would be fine but we’re both just in different places in our lives. I mean… what do we even have in common?” Max exclaimed looking at Katelyn, desperate for confirmation that he was right about this. Max was shocked when his expected response wasn’t forthcoming. The only response his friend gave was a snort. “What?” Max said looking at her with his chin lifted defiantly.

“We both know that if he was five years, ten years, fifty years older we’d just be sat here having a conversation about the 900 other reasons it wouldn’t work out. I love you boy but you’re a mess”.

After a pause Max chuckled, throwing the cushion across the sofa and hitting her on the side of the head. “You know me too well, you may have to be the next thing to go. You know too much goddammit!”.

“All the more reason to keep me around!”, she smirked. “I know all of your secrets! I could expose you!!” Katelyn cackled a maniacal laugh, which caused Max’s sides to seize from laughing. He really appreciated her ability to lighten the mood and make him laugh when he was having one of his moments. “Seriously though, have you ever thought about just seeing where things go? I think he’s more mature than you’re giving him credit for. Worst thing that happens is that it doesn’t work out and you move on. Either way, you have to snap out of it because you are way too busy to be moping. Plus he’s cute, and there’s obviously something thats making you consider going there a second time…” she laughed suggestively.

“Ugh, If you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go bury my emotions deep inside me like a reasonable and responsible adult would, that is clearly the best option here” he responded laughing, knowing that she was probably right. “But seriously though, do you honestly think that it’s a good idea?”.

“Oh, I never said it was a good idea, I just said if you don’t try you won’t know” she responded matter of factly. Max’s phone signaled an incoming text and Katelyn grabbed it from the cluttered table, which Max had found on the side of the street a couple of blocks away a year or so back, and glancing at the name before throwing it across to Max who caught it with ease. “Speak of the devil” his friend mused as Max looked down at the screen. Gio. “What’s he said?” Katelyn asked as he continued to stare, not quite sure how he felt about the fact that three simple letters were causing his heart to beat faster and his palms to sweat. Anxiously unlocking his phone he read the message on the screen.

Gio: So I’m back a little early if you still want to hang out?

“He wants to hang out” Max answered, rubbing his palm up and down his thigh in a show of nervous agitation.

“And…?”

“And I guess I’m going to say yes or you will never shut up about it and like you pointed out I do not have time for that headache” Max jested, still not entirely convincing himself that he would be able to go through with it.

“Perfect” his friend responded cockily, flashing a huge grin and settling back in her seat watching. “Text him back then, best not keep lover boy waiting” she winked, laughing at Max’s obvious discomfort. Max started and stopped texting numerous times, more than he would care to admit, struggling through several versions of the message before finally settling on a response and hitting send before he could change his mind again.

Max: What did you have in mind?

Gio: We could do drinks..? I know a cute new bar that just opened.

Gio: Or we could just skip the pleasantries and I could come over…

Max: 10pm?

Gio: Perfect, see you then baby ;)

“He’s going to come over later” Max said glancing up anxiously after the frenzied text conversation.

“Well then” Katelyn said glancing at her watch,“It’s a good thing I have plans this evening. I’ll take this as my cue to leave because you have to tidy this place up and I’m sorry but I’m not helping…” she said scanning the room pointedly drawing his attention to the sketches and wigs strewn across every available surface. Glancing over to the kitchen area he saw stacks of dishes and trash that needed to be taken out and groaned.

“You don’t need to leave, it’s not like that-” Max started. “I can almost guarantee that it is like that. And even if it isn’t, I’m not sticking around to find out!” Katelyn laughed as she gathered her things and hugged Max tightly before heading for the door. “And I actually did have plans tonight, I have a life outside of Miz Cracker on occasion you know”. Max smiled, shaking his head, telling his friend to have a good night, trying to recall where she was going tonight. She must have told him at some point but with everything that was going on he just couldn’t remember. It occurred to him that she always went out of her way to bend over backwards for him and Cracker and he didn’t feel like he had been that good of a friend lately, caught up in his own rubbish. He made a mental note to pay more attention and try and rectify that.