I joined fetlife for like. three months. Left because everyone was creepy. ReJoined because of a friend and realized why I left. Within the first week, I get a message saying:

" I like your choice in placement of your little chest tattoo. It's small enough to get us interested and small enough to only show it when you want. I bet you would be a lot of fun. And you don't even know how much..."

My goodness you are cute. I have an idea. We go to a local establishment where drinks are served. There you will become enamored by my repertoire of improperly used vernacular and jargon relating to things I scarcely understand. After a couple beverages your ankles will grow weak and you will look into my eyes and beg me to take you home where we will take the cushions off your couch and pour jars of crunchy Jif peanut butter and Smuckers black berry jelly onto the cushions to make comically oversized PB&Js. You down?

I joined OKCupid and it was a horrible idea.