Logan was sent away to school before he could prove himself as a big brother. Before he could play with her enough, make her laugh enough, because everything he did Rose thought was hilarious and fascinating. She crawled everywhere after him, would be walking soon. And he had to go to some stupid fancy boarding school, all because of some lousy scholarship Noah and Vee made him apply for. While Ewan got to see her take her first steps without him? That wasnât fair.
Noah and Vee only wanted to get him out of the house so they could devote all their time to Rose, all because they lost their own baby girl and only child years and years ago. They wanted to make believe his sister was their daughter. They didnât want her loving Logan more than them, and it was clear she did. She loved him more than anyone. So this wasnât fair at all.Â
Logan mewls and whines. This doesnât work, and heâs sent to school anyway. So he mewls and whines at school, and all that gets him is a cuff to the ear from the Proctor and getting sent to bed with no supper. Boys snicker and call him a crybaby. It isnât fair.
But then a boy in another dormitory is rushed home quickly, and then another on that same boyâs floor, and the whole school is in quarantine for a week. Doctors come to examine them all, and thatâs when Logan hears the magical word whispered from room to room: polio.
His escape hatch.
He is a good actor. His theater teacher thought him a brilliant Winnie the Pooh. He puts on a very good show.
The doctor tells the headmaster the child doesnât appear infected, but the headmaster wants no chances taken. Heâs sent home.
Two weeks pass and itâs evening. The nurse knocks on his and Ewanâs door and tells them quietly that their sister just slipped away. Ewan covers himself with his blanket and curls up tight, turned away from Logan. Logan hears Vee moaning. He canât bear the sound, itâs creeping into him and taking root.
He runs past Roseâs room quickly, but canât escape the sight of Vee, moaning ceaselessly, cradling the dead baby with her face buried in the tiny chest.Â
Not thinking where heâs heading, Logan finds himself on the back porch. Noah is sitting bent over on the steps. His head is cradled in his hands like Vee cradling Rose. Unlike his wife he makes no sound. He simply rocks on the steps, silently.
Logan sits next to him. He doesnât know where he finds the courage to speak. âUncle?â
Noah freezes. In the growing darkness, Logan senses Noahâs hands move off his face. He can feel his eyes on him.
Then he lunges.
The scars are helpful and necessary. Theyâre his red reminder of what heâd done, and whom heâd left behind that night.
He left behind a whiner, a crybaby, a cringing little coward who got his sister killed. Who shirked his duties so he could play big brother, only to end up murdering that little sister. He ignored the dangers.
A carrier, the doctor had called him, not knowing Logan was listening behind the door the night she fell ill.
Logan would never ignore the danger again. He would never be called crybaby again. He would never let love weaken him like that again. He wouldnât love much, but when he did, heâd only allow it to make him strong instead, strong enough to shut out those he feels that love for. Strong enough to save them. Strong enough to keep them close and at armâs length, always.
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Logan's backstory is even more tragic than I would have envisioned.
He really had nobody, I had imagined while he had a hazardous relationship with Uncle Noah who we know was physically abusive towards him, his Aunt on the other-hand might have been kinder to him but that wasn't the case she was probably just as abusive towards him as Noah, so he truly had nobody.
With caregivers like that he never stood a chance.
Disclaimer I know this stems only from my personal headcanon, but it drives me crazy to think that Logan raised Shiv to be tough and independent so she wouldn't end up like Rose under Noahâs thumb, yet only tried a little with Kendall but mostly forced him, the one actually most like Rose, to be dependent on him like Noah did with Rose.
Aw man what if one of the secret reasons Logan hates Sandy so much is because he's witnessed how much Sandy's dominated and demeaned Sandi over the years? And it reminds him of Noah and Rose? And Logan has no clue that's the exact same way he treats Kendall, and later Roman?
Like so many abusers, Logan hates other abusers and lacks the self-awareness to recognize he's the same way. That's probably why he goes out of his way to superficially make sure Shiv grows up strong and opinionated, because that way he's not at all like Noah or Sandy in his mind. The idea he could damage his sons like that doesn't occur to him because they're boys. After all, Noahâs abuse only made him and Ewan tougher, right? So sons and nephews are just built to take it in a way daughters and nieces aren't. It's disgusting to treat girls that way, and only proper with boys. Makes them men.
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Noah pins Logan and Ewan down early: Logan is going to work for him at the printing press and eventually take over the business. Ewan will work on the farm with his aunt and eventually inherit the land.
At the press Logan is surrounded by cutthroat businessmen. Maybe some are nicer to him than others. Maybe there are a couple partners or associates who cheer him up when Noah is especially hard on him. They cheerfully tell him to buck up in-between swapping racist jokes and slapping the secretaries' asses. But even they are never truly easy on Logan, never fully trusting him. Loganâs the usurper, the wee brat come to take the throne after all the years they put up with Noahâs shit. They keep an eye on him.
This is family. Horseplay, one-upmanship. Gorillas banging their chests at each other. Giving each other a hard time. But hey, you have each other's backs, right?
As long as the deals come through. As long as you don't step on any toes.
Ewanâs aunt and the farmhands don't joke, don't play. It's hard labor. These are tough country people, grim but thorough. They are hard, too. Very hard. No time to hold anyone's hand. Feelings aren't important, not when coyotes got two calves and the crops almost died last winter.
And they love the land, every one of them. It's all they have. The land is family.
Rose...well, Noah doesn't make much of Rose, at least not in the same way. He adores her, as the cute little thing is the closest he'll ever have to a daughter. Every man should have a daughter, he tells his nephews. Someone to look after and who can lift your spirits after a hard day's work. And Rosie, he tells them, is the perfect daughter substitute. She's kind and simple and honest and of course not bright, not bright at all. She's certainly not strong. She needs looking after badly.
She belongs not to the business and not to the land. She is a creature of the house. She smiles and cooks and cleans. She feeds the cats. She is in limbo: she doesn't really belong anywhere outside the house; even her brothers outgrow her. They kiss her cheek and thank her for breakfast then leave, each day.
She sees them share laughing glances with each other, with Noah, at the dinner table whenever she tries discussing anything in the news or any half-formed opinions she's been able to glean from the paper (which she doesn't read much anyway, since Noah never bothered to get her any help for her dyslexia). She doesn't make a scene, though, since it's not often Noah and the boys have something to bond over.
Eventually even gently teasing Logan turns coldly sarcastic at times. One time he says he only likes smart, strong women, while shooting her a withering look when she gets teary eyed after messing up the household accounts.
This is Roseâs family. She knows deep down they are never meant to last.
