maybe i'm having the 2am thoughts again when i really should be finishing the next chapter but
i'm so tempted to delete the video/radiostar au like it's just shit it's so awful and idk why i thought i could write it properly
honestly i don't even know why i can't fucking write anymore, i mean maybe i could never write and it's only just coming to the forefront now because i'm doing all my writing at 3 in the fucking morning when i'm half asleep and nothing makes sense but i can't write it when the sun is still up because i wake up at fucking 3pm and the little time i do have to myself at a reasonable hour is spent doing fuck all because i can't will myself to anything but fuck all and i just.
what happened
can i even blame him and the other him as well or is this fully a me thing
like i say everything that's gone wrong for me recently is his fault but is it actually or can i just not take accountability for my own actions. should i just stop letting him take up all my brain space all of the time and move the fuck on or should i sit in a pool of my own goddamn sorrows because what the hell what the hell get him out of my head i'm so fed up of this fucker. i hope he's happy to know i still think of him months down the line and i hope he's forgotten all about me because as much as i hate him i do not wish this on anyone
i'm so fucking tired i kinda just wanna disappear he may not have done everything bad but he fucking ruined my life and i wish i never met him :/
i used to be good goddammit
i was a good kid i was a good child what's wrong with me
