I've lost my faith, that's true.

But the scariest part of this Christmas

Will be the questions.

The intrusive words

They make me shiver

They make me doubt in my own existence

They make me challenge my own choices.

Again, my love will seem to be nothing

Not enough in this world of prejudice.

Please, just let me smile and be okay

Just let me be proud of myself

Just let me be who I am

Not who you want me to be.

Or at least, let me eat and drink and "enjoy"

Always reminding myself to keep the secret

The holy secret of who I really am.

Always so devoted to my love

Faithful, loving and truthful...

Just as you tought me

But that's not enough.

I know, meeting you now

My closest and dearest people on earth

Will again make me cold, emotionless

Will for a while make me forget about my love

For self-protection.

And after I confess - always the same childish sins

And after I go to the church...

Four times?

Pretty enough for the whole next year.

Will I still be "condemned"?

I am just "sick", you cannot cure me

Prayers won't help me.

Good wishes won't help me.

While you desperately try

To find me a MAN

I have my love of my own kind

I'm not alone in this world

I have a hankering to doodle up some zombies. It's 2am and I just finished an essay on a kids' book.

dafuq, brain?