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"If I have to deal with ONE MORE TOURIST today, I'll probably scream!" Jem faceplants on Lynn's countertop, looking utterly defeated.

ADMINISTRATION NOTE: THIS IS NOT PROMOTIONIAL OR RECRUITMENT MATERIAL. DO NOT SEND APPLICATIONS. WE WILL FIND YOU, IF WE NEED YOU.

!VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISED!

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Baoh: “Alright, we finally made it into the Catacombs. You probably notice already, that things look a bit more grim down here. The skeletons behind me are relatively old, remains of former convicts. We leave them here, because it usually helps to make other convicts more... hmmm... let’s say ‘cooperative’. Though it’s usually a bit more effective, when it’s fresh, rotting carcasses. Maybe we can get some new ones, while we’re down here. Skeletons don’t seem to be too scary anymore nowadays.”

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Baoh: “And we found him. Let me introduce to you: Inquisitor Mortiferus. Right now he is... holding a ... uuhhh... hammer... a... a big, heavy hammer... with blood on it... and uuhhh...” Baoh: “Damn, he’s hot! Or is it just me?” Baoh: “...” Baoh: “Okay, that shit goes into the Bloopers. That’s what you get when you have to work without a script. Let’s just start over again.”

Baoh: “And here we have Inquisitor Mortiferus. It’s easy to tell that he hasn’t been with the Inquisition for that long, since he still has somewhat of a healthy skintone. The longer you work here, the paler you get. (seriously, why don’t we have windows anywhere? Some of us haven’t seen the daylight for years!) Anyhow... Greetings, Inquisitor Mortiferus! I am Inquisitor Hostilian, and I am happy to finally meet you. (okay, but he’s sexy, guys) Do you have time to talk for a bit? I’m doing a little tour for our viewers.”  Mortiferus: “Inquisitor Hostilian! Uhm... yes, I guess I have some time. How can I be of assistance to you and your... erm... viewers?” Baoh: “See, kids - totally different from the guys up at the Administration. And that just shows, how important it is, to have some creative freedom in your job.” Mortiferus: “???” Baoh: “So, Inquisitor - from your dossier I know, you’ve been through a rigid training for 5 years and working as an Inquisitor for about 2 years now. How do you like it so far? Was it the right choice?” Mortiferus: “Absolutely, yes. The authority we get as Inquisitors is immense and unfortunately absolutely necessary in order to eradicate the rotten and corrupt. Although I would rather be out in the field. You know, I think the work here is important, but I find it frustrating, because the convicts that end up here, have already commited their crimes. I feel like we’re not doing enough to help the victims. It would be better if we could be there, before something happens.” Baoh: “I understand.”

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Baoh: “Looking around, I can see you prefer traditional torture devices?” Mortiferus: “Hey, we have to respect the Classics.” Baoh: “That is true. Please tell us - some might still consider you a greenhorn in the ranks of Inquisitors, but you’ve already made quite a name of yourself...  What is your secret?” Mortiferus: “I don’t know... I guess I’m just very good at breaking bones. Usually I think of myself as a calm and composed person, but some things... people... they just make me so... hhnnnnng! Angry. And, you know, there is nothing more satisfying, than to release that anger onto a vile beast that deserves it!” Baoh: “A side note for you kids out there: Inquisitor Mortiferus takes specifically care of child molesters, that have done the worst of worst things. The mortality rate of his convicts is low, but he makes sure they are disfigured and in permanent pain for the rest of their lives, so they might get an idea, of what they have done to their victims. Pretty grim and violent.” Mortiferus: “But well deserved.” Baoh: “Absolutely.” _________________________________________ 

Mortiferus: “Hey, can I ask a question, too? Because this has been bothering me for years now.”  Baoh: “Sure. Maybe I can help.” Mortiferus: “Look, I understand all the black and the spikey-ness to some degreee, but why on earth do we have one single spikey nipple on our uniforms? I just don’t understand.” Baoh: “Not me either. But I’m glad you ask, because I’ve been wondering about that myself. It’s not even on actual nipple height.” Mortiferus: “Exactly.” Baoh: “So, Inquisitor Mortiferus - before I leave and let you continue doing your work - do you have a message for the kids out there?” Mortiferus: “Uhm... yes... never let anyone convince you, that what you’re feeling is wrong or irrelevant. You are as valid as everyone else. (unless you’re a [REDACTED] filthy child molester, then may god have mercy on you, because I won’t, if I get my hands on you, you [REDACTED] piece of [REDACTED]!)” Baoh: “Inquisitor Mortiferus, everyone. Thank you for your time.”

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