#nixelle

“As she opened hers, her shoulders shook in a dance like a little kid who’d chased down the ice cream truck and actually caught them.”

“One second.” She grabbed her phone from her bag and unlocked the screen. “We could use some music.”

“I didn’t think it was allowed during our sentence.” The corner of my mouth twitched.

Her eyes narrowed, but in a playful way I hadn’t seen before. “The warden is feeling kind today.” ”

“Maybe tomorrow we can skip straight to being friends without the verbal daggers.”

“Who said we’re friends?”

“I mean, yeah, I’m going on a date.”

“Don’t hurt yourself. You almost ruptured something trying to come up with that lie.”

“Show off, Who says I’m not going on a date?”

“You—from the way you nearly fell over laughing when I asked if you were going on a date.”

“Did you call for a tow?”

“My phone’s dead.”

“Dangerous thing when you’re out on the road at night.”

“Thanks, Dad.”

“How about we rewind things back to the beginning?”

“The beginning.”

“That first time we met.”

Her mouth opened and closed.

“Are you actually speechless? Be still my heart.”

She whacked my shoulder with her knuckles. “My hands still work.”

“Nix, you two get out of here while there’s still some time to enjoy your night. I usually have to push her out kicking and screaming, so it’s your turn tonight.”

“I can handle that.”

I lifted an eyebrow.

“There’s an ice cream in it for you at T-Sweets.”

“Sold!” I sprinted to the car like the hounds of hell were on my heels.”

“Nix glanced at his house. Flashlight beams arced across the front windows and shone out of the one at the top of the stairwell.

“Is someone breaking in?”

“I’m not sure. Let’s go check it out.”

“What do you mean go check it out? Are you going to be that guy in a horror movie?”

“Now let’s win this thing.” Her competitive edge seemed to extend beyond being a do-gooder.

Turning off the switch beside her, she crouched down and turned the door knob. She darted out, doing a full-on danger roll like she was in Mission Impossible.”

“I’m crazy about you, B and E, and you’re not like anyone I’ve ever met before.”

“You mean I’m special?”

“You have no idea.”

“And there went the chicken down my windpipe. Dropping my food, I bent over, trying to keep myself from asphyxiating on chicken and cheese.

Wheezing, I choked out. “What a romantic?”

“She was beautiful as always”

“If I say I will, will you drop it and give me a cookie?”

“What are you, five?”

I held up four fingers. “Almost.”

“Aren’t nerds usually big into like comics and sci-fi and stuff?”

“I know my way around a few different star franchises.”

“Star franchises?”

“Come on, Elle. Star Trek, Star Wars.”

“It was cozy and I’d never seen Elle happier. ”

“She probably threw them out the second she had the chance.”

“I’d rather let Edward Scissorhands give me a manicure.” ”

“Jules, if I’m drooling on my pillow when you come out, just poke me with a stick before eight so I can get to the tutoring center.”

“If you wanted a touch, all you had to do was ask.”

“I’d rather cut my hand off,”

“Do you need some help, B and E?”

“Not from you.”

“Don’t be silly.” He swung his body over the railing, and a solid thud landed behind me. Showoff. “Let me grab one. Those look heavy.”

I swung the boxes away. “Touch them and die.” ”

“Elle, you home?” Jules yelled from the bottom of the steps.

“No, it’s not Elle. It’s a polite robber who’s come to steal your pajamas and a scalding hot shower.”

“She laughed and threw me the roll of paper towels.

I caught it with my arms, keeping my hands far away. Oh no, those fingers covered in cinnamon sugar were not being sacrificed to the paper towel gods.

“You look like a sweet version of the Joker with churro dust smeared all over your face.”

“I don’t know what I’ll do without you next year.”

“You’ll make new, non-snarky, non-sarcastic friends.”

“But I like your snark. It’s like a bitter, smelly shell over a funny, sweet treat.”

I threw a pair of socks at her head.

“Are there going to be drinks?”

“There’s water and ice at the worksite, and I’ll see if I can get us all some coffee for tomorrow.”

“Not water, like, drink drinks.”

“We’re building houses. What part of ‘community build project’ makes you think there’s going to be an open bar?”

“It wasn’t like he’d attempt homicide in a bus full of people. Then again, with who he was, they’d probably cover for him and gladly dig my shallow grave with their bare hands.”

“Best-case scenario: He’d leave after one day of for some reason thinking it’d be a boatload of fun like Krista. Worst-case scenario: I’d ‘accidentally’ fall off the roof and end up in a full-body cast for the rest of the semester.”

“You’re always baking for your classes.”

Was I whining? Hell yes I was.

“That’s mean. I’m so hungry.”

“You can lick the bowl when I’m finished and I’ll bring you any leftovers.”

“Yes!” I jumped up and followed her into the kitchen.”

“Fine, I can call you Trespasser if you prefer.”

“How about you call me nothing.”

“Fine, where’re the plans for these ramps, Nothing?”

“Are you five?”

“You can drive stick?” I pressed my hands against the dashboard, bracing myself as my life flashed before my eyes.

“No.” She dropped her chin to her shoulder and stared”

“Her fingers were white-knuckle tight around the shopping cart, and she wielded it through the aisles like a weapon. No one was safe, not even little old ladies, that guy in a scooter, or the shopping cart piled high with kids. Everyone jumped out of the way as she passed.

“I’m sorry about her. She’s new to this planet and doesn’t know how to act like a normal human being,” I shouted out to anyone we blazed by who hadn’t lost a toe already.”

“Hopping in my car, I rode the edge of the speed limit. Was taking the bus the mature thing to do? Sitting there with Nix and pretending our blowup hadn’t happened? Yes, it was, and with anyone else, I’d have sucked it up, but this was Nix. So, was I mature? That was a big pile of hell no.”

“I never said asshole.”

“Not in so many words, but I’m sure it was on the tip of your tongue.” The corner of her mouth quirked up. So there was a mildly soft center beneath her hard-ass façade.”

“The struggle to keep a wide, gloating grin off my face failed miserably. I loved this man. The fleeting thought stuck in my chest, and my heart sped up. I love him.”

“I’m telling you the truth.”

“No, you’re a liar. That’s all you’ve ever been.”

“Would you just listen? Elle, I love you.”

“Liar.”

“His fingers wrapped around my arms and he stared into my gaze with a pleading that sliced me to my core. “I love you. Tell me you don’t feel the same about me. Forget what you’re trying to come up with in your head to use to push me away and believe me.” He pressed his lips against my forehead.”

“Tears flowed down my cheeks, and I squeezed my eyes shut. I wanted to believe him. I wanted it so badly it made it hard to think straight, but I’d been down this path before, ignoring things because I wanted to believe someone loved me as much as I loved them. I loved Nix, and he’d lied. ”

“My heart was hers fully and completely, but she’d never trusted that. She’d never trusted me, and I couldn’t live teetering on the precipice of a world where she wasn’t mine. Better to do this now before my soul was bound to hers completely and being separated from her was like ripping off a limb.

Part of me understood her initial freak-out, even if she should’ve known underneath it, something was off here.

Why had they called my name? Why would they have even thought to give that award to me? I hadn’t done anything Elle had talked about when it came to prepping her application.

Anger was in an on-the-field brawl with a yawning sadness inside me. I clutched my phone in my hand, torn between rushing right back into the theater to beg Elle to believe me and finding my father so I could wrap my fingers around his neck. My phone buzzed in my hand. I glanced behind me, hope that it was Elle burning like a cruel mistress.

Of course it wasn’t Elle.”

“I wanted her to look at me. Close up, with nothing between us, I wanted her to see me, to finally see me and how much I loved her, how much I needed her, even when I wished I didn’t. Even when I told myself I shouldn’t, the way my heart was making a dash for the end zone from the fifty-yard line, I didn’t know if I’d ever be able to.”

“Did you ever love me?” His words felt clinical, like an exit interview question.

“How could I not? You have an entire city ready to throw you a parade whenever you leave your house. I love you and that’s why I couldn’t trust you—because it’s not just you I didn’t trust, it was me. The two times before when I thought I was in love? They’re peewee football compared to how I feel about you. You’re the pros, Nix, and if I couldn’t handle my heart being broken back then, there is no way I’d be able to deal when things fell apart with you. It was a preemptive strike, but all I did was blow myself up. So that’s me being completely and totally honest. I love you.”

“His arms shot out and he held on to me.

My pulse throbbed in my arms as his grip tightened.

“I needed to know.” His voice covered me like a thick, heavy blanket. Staring up into his eyes, I saw they brimmed with unshed tears that matched the ones drying on my cheeks. His Adam’s apple bobbed up and down. “I needed to know this wasn’t one-sided.”

After everything I’d learned about trust, I didn’t trust my ears. I couldn’t, and any response died in my throat because hope was a cruel jokester and I couldn’t handle that right now when the glue hadn’t even dried on the parts of me I’d tried to stick together.

“I needed to know.”

“It was killing me thinking you didn’t love me too.”

“I’ve loved you for a long time, so long I didn’t let myself believe it.”

“You’re sure about this?”

“As sure as I am about us.”

“Forever.”

“I can deal with forever.”

“I rocked my head to the side and grinned at Elle, pulling her close to me and tasting her lips like I might never taste them again.

I wasn’t taking another touch, another kiss, another night for granted when it came to her.”

“I’d have Elle by my side, and that took the sting out of losing this place and these guys and made it a hell of a lot easier.

She was a part of me I hadn’t even known was missing.

She was the first best decision I’d made in my life, and her love made every day worth it.”

“Have I told you how much I love you?” He took my fingers and kissed the fingertips.”

“Honey, I’m home.” Nix walked in with a huge smile on his face and his arms loaded with containers. Garlic, butter, and cheese smells combined and my stomach made an attempt to climb out of my mouth to wolf down the contents.

Leaping from the couch, Elle clapped her hands together. “You’re a saint. I’m so hungry.”

“Leaning back, I peered down at Elle. Her eyes were closed. I smiled at the low, gentle cadence of her snore. Kissing the top of her head, I pulled the blanket over the two of us and shifted down lower in the bed. “Night, Elle.”

“We’d stayed over at each other’s places almost every night. It wasn’t like it was far, just across the street, but every time I made the walk over, nerves rumbled in my stomach. Watching him jog across to my side made me giddy and want to do a happy dance before opening the door.”

“She was beautiful as always, and the speeches I’d worked on flew out of my head like a fumbled ball”

“Words weren’t enough. I didn’t want to tell you I was sorry—I wanted to show you I was sorry. It took me some time to get them to agree to let me use the field and make sure I could do this for you. That’s why I waited. The final okay came down from the facilities guys earlier today and I knocked on your door before coming here to tell you, but you weren’t home.”

“Are you serious about all this?”

“I’m a constant fuckup around you, something about always trying to impress you and failing miserably.”

“You’re trying to impress me?”

“Damn, it’s even worse than I thought if you can’t even tell.”

“determined to show her how much this meant to me, how much she meant to me.”

“He turned to me. “Is everything okay?”

The words stalled in my throat. Leaning over the box between us, I reached up with both hands and cradled his face, attacking his lips like I’d wanted to since the last time I touched them.”

“I’ve missed this,” he whispered against my lips.

“Me too.”

“I wrapped my arms around him and rested my cheek against his chest. His heartbeat drummed against the side of my face. “It was better than I ever could’ve imagined. Thank you for all you did and getting everyone on board. Thank you for being someone I can count on.”

He hugged me tighter and skimmed his hand up and down my back, the other cupping the back of my head.

Gently leaning me back, he stared into my eyes. “I always want to be that for you. You can count on me.”

I nodded. The mood in the room shifted from hungry to something else. Another type of warmth crept over me, and I stood there, staring into his eyes, wanting so much for this moment to never pass, for things to always feel this good, to always be in his arms.”

“Elle.” He stepped in front of me with his hand on my neck and his thumb running along the side of my face in what I’d discovered was his favorite ‘I need your attention’ move. “Wherever I am next year…” He traced his thumb along my bottom lip, breaking all kinds of kitchen sanitation rules. “I want to see you as much as I can. I know you don’t know where you’re going to be either, but we’ll make it work.” His soft eyes stared into mine with so much sincerity it made my chest hurt. That just-tasted-wasabi feeling shot through my nose, and I tugged my chin away from his hold to get a grip on myself.

“We can work it out.” I nodded, keeping my gaze trained on my legs.

“We can do more than that.” He planted a kiss on the top of my head, and I squeezed my eyes shut.”

“Those look so good. Maybe I should order some.”

I cut off a piece and held it out to her on my fork. “Here, try some of mine and see if you like them.”

A fork clattered to a plate.

“Thanks for the syrup shower,” Jules grumbled.

“Did you just offer her food?”

“Sitting next to Elle, sharing the best blueberry waffles covered in syrup and whipped cream, was the best breakfast I’d ever had. The words I’d wanted to say to her for so long burned a pattern on my heart, and they were in the shape of her name.

I rested my arm on the back of her chair and she leaned into me”

“ Do you want to go get some clothes?”

“If it’s okay, I can wear yours to sleep in.” The uncertainty in her eyes made my heart ache for how little trust she had that I’d be cool with whatever she wanted to do.

“You have no idea how much I want to see you sleeping in one of my shirts.”

With my arm over her shoulder and her fingers interlocked with mine, we crossed the street and headed into my place.”

“He had the uncanny ability to always make me feel like I was the center of his universe.”

“He makes me happy. He’s gorgeous and so sweet it makes my teeth hurt.”

“She turned her head, her lips inches from mine.

Her eyes swam with something new that flickered under her lids, a look like the one she’d given me when we’d left the soup kitchen. It wasn’t filled with annoyance or even that resigned-to-my-presence expression she sometimes wore. This was something more, and she wasn’t hiding it anymore.

“Elle—”

My door banged open and she jerked back, landing flat on her ass but whipping the gun around to point straight at the door.

Damn, I think I’m in love.”

“You look awesome,” I blurted out like a kid announcing they had to pee. Smooth. Real freaking smooth.

She glanced over her shoulder and smiled wide. “You don’t look so bad yourself.”

“Throwing myself in the way, I covered Elle. Her back slid off the polished wooden pool table and she toppled over. I wrapped my arms around her to cushion her fall and braced myself. Our weapons clattered to the floor and there was nothing but the adrenaline rush and the thundering of my heart.

She stared up at me in the dim light coming from the half-sized basement windows. The pale green glittered with a new emotion I hadn’t seen in her eyes before.”

“She lifted her hand…a moment of hesitation…and then she slipped it to the back of my head. My hair slid through her fingers. The electric sparks of desire shot straight down my back, pulsing where our hips connected.

I bridged the gap between us, capturing her lips with mine. She tasted like vanilla with sprinkles on top. A shocked gasp shot from her lips and then she parted them, her tongue running along my bottom lip and sending a shiver down my spine.

This changed everything.”

“His eyes were mesmerizing. The flecks of gold mixed in with a blue that reminded me of a sunny day on a camping trip. A whiff of him went straight to my head. He smelled like comfort food on a rainy afternoon and his own manly scent.”

“I reached out, hesitating and biting my lip before taking his hand. He tightened his hold and looked at me with a level of uncertainty and vulnerability I’d never seen before. He was letting me in, letting me see a side of him I didn’t think many people got to see, and I was there for him. I wanted to be there for him and to never let him go, a thought that rocked me to my core.”

“I stared at her, and it took everything in me not to haul her into my arms and kiss the crap out of her.”

“What do you want?”

She licked her lips and her gaze dropped to my hands. “To find something I love so much I could never walk away from it…to find something that’ll make me happy.”

You make me happy.”

“Thanks for being someone I can talk to.”

“That’s what friends are for, right?”

“Is that what we are?” My gaze collided with hers. The flicker that lit me up like a house on Christmas Eve pulsed between us.

“Yeah.” It didn’t sound convincing to me.

I scooted my chair closer, the blue metal scraping across the floor between us. “Is that all we are?”

She licked her lips and her gaze dropped to mine. Her pulse raced against the back of my hand.

Dropping my hand on top of hers, I made a Nix-Elle sandwich, twining my fingers through hers.

“What else would we be?” The words were so low I could barely hear them.

“I’m crazy about you, B and E, and you’re not like anyone I’ve ever met before.”

“I don’t go around kissing just anyone, you know.”

“You mean I’m special?”

“You have no idea.”

“He scares me, Jules.” The way my heart raced every time he got close to me. The way I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about that kiss since his lips left mine. The way I couldn’t trust any of those feelings because I was number one supreme at getting my teeth kicked in by love.

“Why’s he scary?” She lay down beside me and turned her head to stare at the side of my face.

I turned and met her gaze. “Because I like him.” I stared back up at the ceiling”

“Looks like we both screwed things up.”

“I’m happy to take the bulk of the blame.”

He let out an amused huff. “I’m not going to fight you for it.”

The secluded nook in the backyard might as well have been an island away from everyone else.

His jaw clenched and he set down his beer. “We had something good, didn’t we?” He stood up, and I lifted my chin to stare him in the eyes.

My throat tightened. “Had? As in, in the past?”

“Only if you want it to be.” The hoarse whisper sent a shiver down my spine.

The words caught in my throat, and I shook my head.”

“He held on to me like he was afraid to let go, but that was all I wanted—to let go with him.

I fumbled for my keys, trying to remember how locks worked. My fingers shook and his hand enveloped mine, steadying it.

He pressed a soft kiss against the back of my neck, and my knees nearly gave out.

I pushed open the front door and dropped my chin to my shoulder, looking at him behind me.

“What now?”

“Only weeks ago, we’d called a truce, and now I wanted nothing more than all of him. Every touch. Every taste. Every temptation I’d never stopped needing”

“If it hadn’t been her, I’d have appreciated that she didn’t give a crap what anyone else thought, but it was her, so it annoyed the shit out of me.”

“Nix’s gaze was on me even as he sawed through the wood. I could feel it. Could he feel it when I stared at him too? Could he feel it right now? Our eyes clashed and my sated stomach flipped. I turned around, gathering what I needed. A guy gives me some food and I’ve suddenly lost my mind.”

“I never said asshole.”

“Not in so many words, but I’m sure it was on the tip of your tongue.” The corner of her mouth quirked up. So there was a mildly soft center beneath her hard-ass façade.

“Maybe.”

“Truce.” She held out her hand.

I squinted at her offering and quickly assessed her for hidden weapons. “No.”

Her face scrunched up. “What do you mean ‘no’? That was a super gracious apology.”

“We’re not calling a truce. The war is over. I’m calling for an armistice.”

She laughed, a big laugh with a bright smile to go along with it. It was a rainbow on a rainy day kind of wide. “Should I get out the full treatise or will a handshake be enough to mark the occasion?”

“A handshake will do it.” I stuck my hand out.

She slid hers into mine. My fingers enveloped hers, and an electric warmth shot up my arm. Her soft fingers tickled the inside of my palm. Her smooth softness brushed against the callused pads of my fingers. My heart hammered in my chest, and I swore there was an orchestra outside ramping up to a crescendo.”

“Maybe tomorrow we can skip straight to being friends without the verbal daggers.”

“Who said we’re friends?” The twist of her lips did little to hide the humor glittering in her eyes.

“Who said we weren’t?”

“See you tomorrow, Golden Boy.” With a two-finger salute, leaning out her window, she smiled at me—the first unsolicited, non-I’m-about-to-gleefully-hand-your-ass-to-you smile ever, plus a nickname. Or maybe she was trying to kill me with kindness. I stared after her clunker as she pulled out of the parking lot.”

“Before I could take a dive, our eyes met. Her weary look changed, and not in the way I was used to from the many times our gazes had locked across the street. She lifted her hand and gave me a short wave and a smile”

“My first completely unprompted smile from her lit me up like a damn Christmas tree.”

“How about we rewind things back to the beginning?”

Her eyes widened. “The beginning.” She licked her lips.

“That first time we met.” I smiled and drummed my fingers on the steering wheel.

Her mouth opened and closed.

“Are you actually speechless? Be still my heart.”

She whacked my shoulder with her knuckles. “My hands still work.”

“Thanks for your help tonight.” She nodded, and the corner of her mouth lifted.

I pointed at her. “Is that a smile? Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone. You’ve got a hard-ass rep to uphold.”

She laughed, a full-out, wide-smile laugh. “And don’t worry, I won’t let anyone know about your do-gooder streak. They might get the wrong idea about you.”

“And what might that be?”

“That you’re a really nice guy who gets shoved into a party boy jock box by people who are incredibly close-minded and don’t like to change their preconceived notions—like me.” She laughed and ran her fingers through her hair.

Her laugh reached down deep into me and sent my pulse skyrocketing.

She tilted her head to the side and smiled at me.

Cue a stampede in my chest that had never existed before. “I’m glad you’re finally coming around.”

“You know your way around the kitchen.” I tugged on the sleeve of his coat.

“I’ve been working in kitchens since I was seven.”

He laughed as my jaw dropped. “You?”

“Yes, me. There’s more to me than this handsome face and phenomenal body.” He flexed his biceps.

“There’s also an incredibly large head.” I shoveled mashed potatoes into my mouth.

“Good thing I have these broad shoulders to hold it up.” More flexing.

“You’re such a dork.” I nudged him with my shoulder.

“I’m glad you finally noticed.” ”

“While I’m sure I’m the last person you’d want to talk to under non-forced-proximity conditions, if you need to get something off your chest, I’m here.”

“It’s not forced proximity if I’m choosing to be here.”

“Our hips were glued together, not even brushing against one another, just settled against each other in a comfortable lean.”

“Had I known that was all it took to get a smile out of you, I’d have brought you T-Sweets every day over spring break.” He got in the car and turned it on.

“You think I can be bought by creamy, flavor-explosion, toppings-covered ice cream?” I folded my arms over my chest and pursed my lips.

“Pretty much.” He grinned and pulled away from the curb.

“Lucky guess.” I laughed, failing to keep the corners of my mouth downturned.”

“Nix glanced at his house. Flashlight beams arced across the front windows and shone out of the one at the top of the stairwell.

“Is someone breaking in?” My hand tightened on his arm.

His muscles flexed under my hold. “I’m not sure. Let’s go check it out.” His eyebrows were furrowed, but he looked more like a Scooby-Doo character going to investigate, not someone worried their house was being broken into.

“What do you mean go check it out? Are you going to be that guy in a horror movie?”

“I was supposed to be playing it cool, not that she hadn’t been running through my mind a hell of a lot for someone who’d only very recently professed not to hate me.

There was a lot going on in my life right now, complicated shit, but damn did I not care one bit when I was with her. Whether she got my blood pumping with some verbal sparring or her laugh that was halfway between a strained cough and a full-out wheeze, everything that came after didn’t seem half as scary.”