#ellenix

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“As she opened hers, her shoulders shook in a dance like a little kid who’d chased down the ice cream truck and actually caught them.”

“One second.” She grabbed her phone from her bag and unlocked the screen. “We could use some music.”

“I didn’t think it was allowed during our sentence.” The corner of my mouth twitched.

Her eyes narrowed, but in a playful way I hadn’t seen before. “The warden is feeling kind today.” ”

“Maybe tomorrow we can skip straight to being friends without the verbal daggers.”

“Who said we’re friends?”

“I mean, yeah, I’m going on a date.”

“Don’t hurt yourself. You almost ruptured something trying to come up with that lie.”

“Show off, Who says I’m not going on a date?”

“You—from the way you nearly fell over laughing when I asked if you were going on a date.”

“Did you call for a tow?”

“My phone’s dead.”

“Dangerous thing when you’re out on the road at night.”

“Thanks, Dad.”

“How about we rewind things back to the beginning?”

“The beginning.”

“That first time we met.”

Her mouth opened and closed.

“Are you actually speechless? Be still my heart.”

She whacked my shoulder with her knuckles. “My hands still work.”

“Nix, you two get out of here while there’s still some time to enjoy your night. I usually have to push her out kicking and screaming, so it’s your turn tonight.”

“I can handle that.”

I lifted an eyebrow.

“There’s an ice cream in it for you at T-Sweets.”

“Sold!” I sprinted to the car like the hounds of hell were on my heels.”

“Nix glanced at his house. Flashlight beams arced across the front windows and shone out of the one at the top of the stairwell.

“Is someone breaking in?”

“I’m not sure. Let’s go check it out.”

“What do you mean go check it out? Are you going to be that guy in a horror movie?”

“Now let’s win this thing.” Her competitive edge seemed to extend beyond being a do-gooder.

Turning off the switch beside her, she crouched down and turned the door knob. She darted out, doing a full-on danger roll like she was in Mission Impossible.”

“I’m crazy about you, B and E, and you’re not like anyone I’ve ever met before.”

“You mean I’m special?”

“You have no idea.”

“And there went the chicken down my windpipe. Dropping my food, I bent over, trying to keep myself from asphyxiating on chicken and cheese.

Wheezing, I choked out. “What a romantic?”

“She was beautiful as always”

“If I say I will, will you drop it and give me a cookie?”

“What are you, five?”

I held up four fingers. “Almost.”

“Aren’t nerds usually big into like comics and sci-fi and stuff?”

“I know my way around a few different star franchises.”

“Star franchises?”

“Come on, Elle. Star Trek, Star Wars.”

“It was cozy and I’d never seen Elle happier. ”

“She probably threw them out the second she had the chance.”

“I’d rather let Edward Scissorhands give me a manicure.” ”

“Jules, if I’m drooling on my pillow when you come out, just poke me with a stick before eight so I can get to the tutoring center.”

“If you wanted a touch, all you had to do was ask.”

“I’d rather cut my hand off,”

“Do you need some help, B and E?”

“Not from you.”

“Don’t be silly.” He swung his body over the railing, and a solid thud landed behind me. Showoff. “Let me grab one. Those look heavy.”

I swung the boxes away. “Touch them and die.” ”

“Elle, you home?” Jules yelled from the bottom of the steps.

“No, it’s not Elle. It’s a polite robber who’s come to steal your pajamas and a scalding hot shower.”

“She laughed and threw me the roll of paper towels.

I caught it with my arms, keeping my hands far away. Oh no, those fingers covered in cinnamon sugar were not being sacrificed to the paper towel gods.

“You look like a sweet version of the Joker with churro dust smeared all over your face.”

“I don’t know what I’ll do without you next year.”

“You’ll make new, non-snarky, non-sarcastic friends.”

“But I like your snark. It’s like a bitter, smelly shell over a funny, sweet treat.”

I threw a pair of socks at her head.

“Are there going to be drinks?”

“There’s water and ice at the worksite, and I’ll see if I can get us all some coffee for tomorrow.”

“Not water, like, drink drinks.”

“We’re building houses. What part of ‘community build project’ makes you think there’s going to be an open bar?”

“It wasn’t like he’d attempt homicide in a bus full of people. Then again, with who he was, they’d probably cover for him and gladly dig my shallow grave with their bare hands.”

“Best-case scenario: He’d leave after one day of for some reason thinking it’d be a boatload of fun like Krista. Worst-case scenario: I’d ‘accidentally’ fall off the roof and end up in a full-body cast for the rest of the semester.”

“You’re always baking for your classes.”

Was I whining? Hell yes I was.

“That’s mean. I’m so hungry.”

“You can lick the bowl when I’m finished and I’ll bring you any leftovers.”

“Yes!” I jumped up and followed her into the kitchen.”

“Fine, I can call you Trespasser if you prefer.”

“How about you call me nothing.”

“Fine, where’re the plans for these ramps, Nothing?”

“Are you five?”

“You can drive stick?” I pressed my hands against the dashboard, bracing myself as my life flashed before my eyes.

“No.” She dropped her chin to her shoulder and stared”

“Her fingers were white-knuckle tight around the shopping cart, and she wielded it through the aisles like a weapon. No one was safe, not even little old ladies, that guy in a scooter, or the shopping cart piled high with kids. Everyone jumped out of the way as she passed.

“I’m sorry about her. She’s new to this planet and doesn’t know how to act like a normal human being,” I shouted out to anyone we blazed by who hadn’t lost a toe already.”

“Hopping in my car, I rode the edge of the speed limit. Was taking the bus the mature thing to do? Sitting there with Nix and pretending our blowup hadn’t happened? Yes, it was, and with anyone else, I’d have sucked it up, but this was Nix. So, was I mature? That was a big pile of hell no.”

“I never said asshole.”

“Not in so many words, but I’m sure it was on the tip of your tongue.” The corner of her mouth quirked up. So there was a mildly soft center beneath her hard-ass façade.”

“But Mitchell? He had cracked open a barely healed wound. He’d known I’d been cheated on. He’d known how much James had hurt me and how long it had taken me to trust again then he’d cheated on me as well. Everyone else thought they were both so perfect, in different ways, the golden boy athlete and the humanitarian hottie.

Apparently, my radar was dialed to the cheating jerk setting and I didn’t know how to turn it off. It was safer to be alone.”

“Betrayal was something I’d tasted before. I’d been burned by the raw, searing pain that comes along with it, but I’d never had anyone serve it up quite like Nix. I’d never had someone rip open my chest and ladle scalding mounds of it straight onto my heart.”

“You don’t get to lie to me about this. You don’t get to use me like this and then try to pretend you don’t know what’s happening.” Angry tears burned in my eyes.”

“His name burst a dam I’d been holding back, a swelling tide breaking through the last lines of defense. I threw my arms around her and collapsed.

Her soothing pats on my back as she rocked me back and forth only made the tears and choking sobs rack me harder. We folded onto the curb outside the theater I didn’t even remember leaving, and she brushed her fingers down the back of my head, telling me how it would be okay, only it wouldn’t.

It couldn’t be after what had just happened.

When my hiccupping tears turned to sniffles, Jules peeled me off her shoulder and took both my hands in hers.”

“Those words were too hard to bear. If it was true and he did love me, I’d just broken the best thing that had ever happened to me, and I had no idea how to get it back.”

“I wanted to curl up into a ball and disappear. Being cheated on didn’t compare to this. That was a pain all its own, but this was a living, breathing creature digging deep inside me and tearing me apart. I squeezed my eyes shut, and the well of tears I’d thought had long gone dry found a new source. They poured down my cheeks and made it hard to breathe.”

“Wrapping my arms around myself, it was all I could do to hold myself together. I laid on my bed. Curling up on my side, I clutched his letter against my chest and rocked back and forth.”

“Fake it till you make it, right? I’d fake it like I wasn’t broken inside in a way I had no idea how to fix. ”

“I know. If it means anything to you, I ripped my own heart out. I thought…” She took another deep breath, steeling herself for the words to come. “I thought if I didn’t ever let myself love you, I couldn’t be hurt again.” She brushed at the tears trailing down her cheeks. “But I was wrong.”

She looked up at me with the sawing pain I’d felt in my chest reflected in her eyes.

“The struggle to keep a wide, gloating grin off my face failed miserably. I loved this man. The fleeting thought stuck in my chest, and my heart sped up. I love him.”

“I’m telling you the truth.”

“No, you’re a liar. That’s all you’ve ever been.”

“Would you just listen? Elle, I love you.”

“Liar.”

“His fingers wrapped around my arms and he stared into my gaze with a pleading that sliced me to my core. “I love you. Tell me you don’t feel the same about me. Forget what you’re trying to come up with in your head to use to push me away and believe me.” He pressed his lips against my forehead.”

“Tears flowed down my cheeks, and I squeezed my eyes shut. I wanted to believe him. I wanted it so badly it made it hard to think straight, but I’d been down this path before, ignoring things because I wanted to believe someone loved me as much as I loved them. I loved Nix, and he’d lied. ”

“My heart was hers fully and completely, but she’d never trusted that. She’d never trusted me, and I couldn’t live teetering on the precipice of a world where she wasn’t mine. Better to do this now before my soul was bound to hers completely and being separated from her was like ripping off a limb.

Part of me understood her initial freak-out, even if she should’ve known underneath it, something was off here.

Why had they called my name? Why would they have even thought to give that award to me? I hadn’t done anything Elle had talked about when it came to prepping her application.

Anger was in an on-the-field brawl with a yawning sadness inside me. I clutched my phone in my hand, torn between rushing right back into the theater to beg Elle to believe me and finding my father so I could wrap my fingers around his neck. My phone buzzed in my hand. I glanced behind me, hope that it was Elle burning like a cruel mistress.

Of course it wasn’t Elle.”

“I wanted her to look at me. Close up, with nothing between us, I wanted her to see me, to finally see me and how much I loved her, how much I needed her, even when I wished I didn’t. Even when I told myself I shouldn’t, the way my heart was making a dash for the end zone from the fifty-yard line, I didn’t know if I’d ever be able to.”

“Did you ever love me?” His words felt clinical, like an exit interview question.

“How could I not? You have an entire city ready to throw you a parade whenever you leave your house. I love you and that’s why I couldn’t trust you—because it’s not just you I didn’t trust, it was me. The two times before when I thought I was in love? They’re peewee football compared to how I feel about you. You’re the pros, Nix, and if I couldn’t handle my heart being broken back then, there is no way I’d be able to deal when things fell apart with you. It was a preemptive strike, but all I did was blow myself up. So that’s me being completely and totally honest. I love you.”

“His arms shot out and he held on to me.

My pulse throbbed in my arms as his grip tightened.

“I needed to know.” His voice covered me like a thick, heavy blanket. Staring up into his eyes, I saw they brimmed with unshed tears that matched the ones drying on my cheeks. His Adam’s apple bobbed up and down. “I needed to know this wasn’t one-sided.”

After everything I’d learned about trust, I didn’t trust my ears. I couldn’t, and any response died in my throat because hope was a cruel jokester and I couldn’t handle that right now when the glue hadn’t even dried on the parts of me I’d tried to stick together.

“I needed to know.”

“It was killing me thinking you didn’t love me too.”

“I’ve loved you for a long time, so long I didn’t let myself believe it.”

“You’re sure about this?”

“As sure as I am about us.”

“Forever.”

“I can deal with forever.”

“I rocked my head to the side and grinned at Elle, pulling her close to me and tasting her lips like I might never taste them again.

I wasn’t taking another touch, another kiss, another night for granted when it came to her.”

“I’d have Elle by my side, and that took the sting out of losing this place and these guys and made it a hell of a lot easier.

She was a part of me I hadn’t even known was missing.

She was the first best decision I’d made in my life, and her love made every day worth it.”

“Have I told you how much I love you?” He took my fingers and kissed the fingertips.”

“Honey, I’m home.” Nix walked in with a huge smile on his face and his arms loaded with containers. Garlic, butter, and cheese smells combined and my stomach made an attempt to climb out of my mouth to wolf down the contents.

Leaping from the couch, Elle clapped her hands together. “You’re a saint. I’m so hungry.”

“Leaning back, I peered down at Elle. Her eyes were closed. I smiled at the low, gentle cadence of her snore. Kissing the top of her head, I pulled the blanket over the two of us and shifted down lower in the bed. “Night, Elle.”

“We’d stayed over at each other’s places almost every night. It wasn’t like it was far, just across the street, but every time I made the walk over, nerves rumbled in my stomach. Watching him jog across to my side made me giddy and want to do a happy dance before opening the door.”

“She was beautiful as always, and the speeches I’d worked on flew out of my head like a fumbled ball”

“Words weren’t enough. I didn’t want to tell you I was sorry—I wanted to show you I was sorry. It took me some time to get them to agree to let me use the field and make sure I could do this for you. That’s why I waited. The final okay came down from the facilities guys earlier today and I knocked on your door before coming here to tell you, but you weren’t home.”

“Are you serious about all this?”

“I’m a constant fuckup around you, something about always trying to impress you and failing miserably.”

“You’re trying to impress me?”

“Damn, it’s even worse than I thought if you can’t even tell.”

“determined to show her how much this meant to me, how much she meant to me.”

“He turned to me. “Is everything okay?”

The words stalled in my throat. Leaning over the box between us, I reached up with both hands and cradled his face, attacking his lips like I’d wanted to since the last time I touched them.”

“I’ve missed this,” he whispered against my lips.

“Me too.”

“I wrapped my arms around him and rested my cheek against his chest. His heartbeat drummed against the side of my face. “It was better than I ever could’ve imagined. Thank you for all you did and getting everyone on board. Thank you for being someone I can count on.”

He hugged me tighter and skimmed his hand up and down my back, the other cupping the back of my head.

Gently leaning me back, he stared into my eyes. “I always want to be that for you. You can count on me.”

I nodded. The mood in the room shifted from hungry to something else. Another type of warmth crept over me, and I stood there, staring into his eyes, wanting so much for this moment to never pass, for things to always feel this good, to always be in his arms.”

“Elle.” He stepped in front of me with his hand on my neck and his thumb running along the side of my face in what I’d discovered was his favorite ‘I need your attention’ move. “Wherever I am next year…” He traced his thumb along my bottom lip, breaking all kinds of kitchen sanitation rules. “I want to see you as much as I can. I know you don’t know where you’re going to be either, but we’ll make it work.” His soft eyes stared into mine with so much sincerity it made my chest hurt. That just-tasted-wasabi feeling shot through my nose, and I tugged my chin away from his hold to get a grip on myself.

“We can work it out.” I nodded, keeping my gaze trained on my legs.

“We can do more than that.” He planted a kiss on the top of my head, and I squeezed my eyes shut.”

“Those look so good. Maybe I should order some.”

I cut off a piece and held it out to her on my fork. “Here, try some of mine and see if you like them.”

A fork clattered to a plate.

“Thanks for the syrup shower,” Jules grumbled.

“Did you just offer her food?”

“Sitting next to Elle, sharing the best blueberry waffles covered in syrup and whipped cream, was the best breakfast I’d ever had. The words I’d wanted to say to her for so long burned a pattern on my heart, and they were in the shape of her name.

I rested my arm on the back of her chair and she leaned into me”

“ Do you want to go get some clothes?”

“If it’s okay, I can wear yours to sleep in.” The uncertainty in her eyes made my heart ache for how little trust she had that I’d be cool with whatever she wanted to do.

“You have no idea how much I want to see you sleeping in one of my shirts.”

With my arm over her shoulder and her fingers interlocked with mine, we crossed the street and headed into my place.”

“He had the uncanny ability to always make me feel like I was the center of his universe.”

“He makes me happy. He’s gorgeous and so sweet it makes my teeth hurt.”