#nin inspired

So now I see I longed for the comfort that so many found in the words of others I read to escape, to enter another world I read to learn, glean step by step lessons on how to improve myself Never before had I read Like I read last night As I opened the book, I saw myself large and cartoonish but myself just the same each word seemed to come out of my memory And then I saw you Not you in any of the characteristics of the man presented me But you in true essence of how you must feel inside when you are with me And then I understood I can't win you by righting a wrong I can't win you by being a better me I can't win you through wit or intrigue I can't win you by sharing my soul with you I can't win you It is my soul that you understand and don't want It is my soul that overwhelms and tries to possess you "When they kissed, she was struck with ecstasy and he with fear" It is innate, it is who we are, it is who we will always be When I first read those words it was so freeing It was no longer my fault Nothing to do better It was my true essence that drove you away The essence that I truly love And that was the best lesson of all But now comes the sadness Only because the truth that freed me also left me alone Alone but not lonely I was lonely before, but lonely because you were not here I was lonely before because I knew the ecstasy That was not to be given freely and without fear You were never really here You started out as a figment of my imagination And stayed as a reminder of my weakness, my wrongness "and she began to make a long list of self-accusations. Then the harm was done. She had been the aggressor so she was the more seriously wounded. Self-doubt asserted itself. The seed of doubt was implanted in Lillian to work its havoc with time." There was a constant pull to that essence of you that I could not let go Or maybe, that I wanted to possess But it was really a part of myself that I needed to correct To make right, to fill up, to own You fed me in so many ways You told me I was beautiful although you had never met me You loved my words, my heart, my thoughts You talked of intellectual concepts The same I had heard so many times before But with a new romance, a softness that intrigued me You challenged me and let me win...at least accepted my point We shared a passion for our work I could tell you my fear of the unknown and you understood You put it in new words You spurred me to dream bigger You held me up while I flew These are the things that I want in a man These are the moments that fill me up That give me hope That you have shown me are possible I wonder if one day we will be friends Will I be able to let you go Will these new truths fade away as I fall back into self doubt Or will I flourish and bloom It is spring I understand just a little bit more about myself And I know, as deeply as I am, that to follow feelings of joy Will take me where ever I want to go There's the rub I find joy in sharing my thoughts with you I imagine that you still find my thoughts a little intriguing And that makes me swell with pride How funny that I look up to you so That to impress you is an accomplishment A feather in my cap I loved the feeling of you when we were alone That second night before it all went wrong Will haunt me of what might have been No, feed me for what will be With a new love A new soul A new story... For I don't want to wonder I don't want to wait I don't even want to pursue I want to be taken Possessed, surrounded, filled up Breathless Held up, worshipped and forgiven With no doubt, no regret Just equal souls As close apart as together I am of water and dream of fire And you are of fire and I think dream of water How interesting the fates that threw us together But they knew that I would grow And that you.... Well that is for you to decipher You are a gentle soul with heart of fire that will take you where ever you want to go