#nilism

Jon Rolfe Leach ‘Mysterious ensemble in the corridor of sacrifice’ Mixed media on canvas. 30x15in

Não consigo me lembrar quando parei de me importar. Não consigo sentir se ainda existe qualquer calor em mim. Tudo cai no vazio do meu esquecimento aonde talvez ainda exista uma parte de mim que se importa mas se afoga eternamente com meu silêncio.

"I believe in #nilism." (at Fat Ass 5K & Street Party for Charity)

So why? Actually answer that. I encourage you to actually give an answer to the question that matters. That has relevance to the grand scheme of anything. Really there is no point. To anything. If you think there is a point then like, okay. It makes no difference if you care or not. It doesn’t really make a difference to anything. You, me, friends, family, strangers, everything will come to no longer exist. Soon to be nothing. We are hurtling towards nothing. We are nothing now. Born nothing. Living is nothing. Death is meaningless. Me typing this out is fucking pointless yet I’m doing it. Why am I doing it then? Attention? Therapy? To piss someone off? Find someone? Maybe I will make this my suicide note?(probs not, but it’s just a point) I don’t actually know the real reason, but there’s nothing. People who care or have motivation are wasting their time. In my opinion every single person on the planet should put a gun to there heads and pull the trigger. Why the hell are we doing any of this to ourselves. Every person that has ever existed has felt so much pain and will continue to endure pain. Life comes with pain. Why do we go through this? Do WE want to or is it because we were raised on this belief that there is something? We were raised to seek something. Everyone is looking for something. I am looking for something. There is no point to it though. Someone drives and pushes themselves through these tough times for what? Happiness? Content? Comfort? That is temporary. Always. Bad shit is always there. Waiting throw something at you. What you tell me is “bear through it. It will pay off and get better” “good things are coming your way” Fuck all of that bullshit. Good does not exist. Good is a fucking fantasy. Good is like the dark, the lack of bad. Bad thing, pain, is always sitting, watching you from the corner of a room. When it sees that you are comfortable at the least it will come sprinting up to you to break you. Then it waits for another sign of comfort or happiness and the process repeats. Smiles are temporary. They are just breaks from reality. We just waste our time and throw it away. I think the only reason we do it is because the only thing we actually have that is ours is time. Our time is ours. Everything can be taken from us. Everything, but the time we have. In the end though no matter what you do, you just throw your time at things. Throw it into a hole. Never will you get that time back. If you choose to earn money then cool, it’s a waste. So is everything else though. I don’t do anything anymore for a reason. No matter what I do, I always go to bed with the same feelings and thoughts. I wasted my time. I work or play games or hang out with friends. I wasted my time. I threw it in the hole. It’s all pointless though so like just do whatever. I realize I didn’t get anywhere with this, but whatever. Sue me. I don’t care right now. I felt genuine happiness in my dream last night though. I can only assume that’s what people feel in actual life and it’s awesome, but like dreams, it will always come to an abrupt end.

I have really starting thinking about the meaning of life lately. I think its because I finally ran out of so much fucking math homework. When I find myself confronted the indefinite nature of our universe, I low-key miss the math homework. 

Heart is where the the Home is #heart #starbucks #existentialism #nilism #details (at Starbucks)