Just putting it out there that I'm like.. not a Phisnom supporter these days lol. I don't care to explain exactly why-- I just am. I love the concepts he's put out there and I very much consider myself a part of the toxic cesspit community still, but I'm not really interested in what Phil's doing these days. I just have a massive toxicsona hyperfixation.
I won't take offense if someone mistakes me for a fan or calls me "red Phisnom" like I've often gotten. He's by all means an inspiration and I appreciate the impact he and his content's had on my life for the last year+, but I've said goodbye to my channel membership.
Hazard aesthetic and all toxicsonas aren't going anywhere fyi-- that shit rocks and is part of me now. I DO plan on engaging on occasion (ex: toxicsona review submissions if those return), and I'm still going to make/like Phi content. Even if my behavior may be confusing, I still can do whatever makes me happy. Members are always ofc more than welcome to interact but if you talk specifically Phisnom with me, I may not know about modern stuff.
It might be odd to see why I'd make a post like this since nobody Actually cares. Normally I wouldn't feel inclined to share any denouncements, but I feel I have place to bring it up because of how influential Phil's been to me, and how I've grown to be a wider known name in the cesspit for this long. I've been known to be a supporter by many for a while now. Don't want people to get confused if I say something about it later, nor do I want to be grouped in with people for something currently inaccurate.
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I just ordered a new laptop my desktop has finally had it with me so hopefully I can pick it up tomorrow morning and get everything setup!! @dreamteamsims once I setup my new laptop I’ll send you over your fur baby!!! I got it as close as I can. Haha I hope you like it ☺️
So uh, to be honest I feel really confused and lost.
The last few days I've felt really funny. I'm being told I act/feel different from "my alters" and that it is very noticeable when we switch. I don't know what they're talking about, I don't understand because I can't see what they do. To me, I sound about the same all the time. I have evidence that I have DID, and my friends give it to me too, but I refuse to accept this. It's hard. It's scary. It's easier to pretend it's not there or explain it away as Just A Thing People Do Sometimes.
None of my alters feel real to me. I've been wanting to delete their playlists. There's no way they exist. I feel quite alone, like I've always been alone. It's just me. The illusion of DID fell apart a few days ago. I was confused who I was, confused because the consistent patterns of known alters were suddenly gone and I am left by myself. Without that, my first thought was that I must be a singlet after all. But it's being suggested to me that I am someone else yet to be documented.
I drift to the color blue. I feel I am unworthy of nice things. What is apparently "normal human behavior" performed by those around me baffles me to no end. Compliments weird me out. I feel like I don't know my friends. I know enough about them to be okay with their presence and keep up interaction, but I still feel strange and distant. When I hear speech with my body's name, I feel as if I'm hearing about someone else. I feel younger than my body, I think. If I really am not alone, then I haven't shown my face for a couple years. It's all quite uncomfortable and confusing.
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(this is mainly referring to DID/OSDD but can apply to any condition. This is an expanded version of today's tweets)
Reminder that DID/OSDD is very real and there are documented cases! It's not a silly quirky thing, it's something that real people suffer from, myself included.
Someone posting "DID cringe" decided to fakeclaim me earlier today. Because of it, I have things to say.
No, obviously I do not condone harassment of this user. I won't censor on the chance they're a troll-- they've just started this acc and it looks like this could potentially be ragebait. If you wish to do something, report them. Attacking and sending threats does not help.
Either this person
>HAS DID and wants to attack fakers, even if it means harming actual DID havers (may include gatekeeping how THEY think DID should look)
>They don't have DID and are just gatekeeping DID
>They don't think DID is real and everyone with it is cringe and faking (most likely, even based on the @ alone.)
>They're an actual troll that wants to just hurt people
Obviously I'm cringe, but fakeclaiming me is another thing entirely. On the chance this person legitimately thinks I'm faking, I've left the above responses. For one, yeah I'm basically recognized medically. I will clarify, there's some minor nuance to it, but it's something I've made sure already to address with multiple professionals I've visited multiple times. Professionals who agree. I would never say I have DID without seeking a professional opinion first, and made sure to withhold such a statement before receiving that opinion. Even today, I still strive to find and work with a specialist to explore this further when I have the opportunity to.
Below's some misc stuff they've posted.
While self-diagnosis CAN be harmful, dangerous, and stupid if done incorrectly, I don't think it should be completely disregarded. Self-dx'ing should be done responsibly and is poor to do without proper, extensive research. As a friend put it, "self diagnosing is fine as long as you use it for self discovery, and keep your mind open to changing or correcting your own diagnosis with new info. If you're wrong? Congrats, you come out with coping mechanisms for whatever it is you do have. If you're right? You've done extensive research into your condition and are educated. The only time self diagnosis is wrong is when you don't actually care about the disorder and just want the label".
This is inherently false. DID and roleplaying are VERY different. It's posts like this that make me believe this user doesn't think it's real. Though the previous use of "fakers" and "self-diagnosis" kinda implies there are real DID-havers lol?? It's true some fakers are just weird, maybe insensitive roleplayers, but these two are not one in the same. (You shouldn't roleplay a mental health condition like that ofc.)
Unless you're a qualified mental health professional, have the training to identify and analyze these things, and you personally know me enough TO diagnose me, you can't legitimately attempt to fakeclaim me, or anyone else.
If you don't have DID, you don't know what it's like either. While it's unclear whether or not this person has it, they don't have a place to make such an assumption. I assume they assume things, because I HIGHLY doubt they spent the time to actually look at my account beyond what I posted for pride. Having amnesia fucking sucks. Having conflicting feelings and thoughts sucks. Having heavy PTSD and barrels of trauma really sucks. These things fuck with me a lot!
It's possible that they have DID, and if so, they're gatekeeping. YOU CAN'T GATEKEEP DID. This happens a lot due to misinformation and poor perceptions. There's no ONE universal way to "have DID." My experiences not looking exactly like another's doesn't mean one of us is a faker.
A system is completely valid if they have a fictional character introject. A very common misconception running around these days is that if someone has fictives/lots of fictives, they're clearly a fake. That's just. NOT true. Systems are introjective by nature, so they take traits from their surroundings. We (as in many people today) use media to escape and cope. Sometimes the dissociative brain finds something in a fictional character that it feels it NEEDS in order to survive. So it takes that.
This is a SUBCONSCIOUS PROCESS, meaning you have no say in what happens. So actually, with how much media we consume these days, fictives should be normal and expected! (Ofc this isn't to say fictives can't still be pulled off by fakers.)
Al is a great example because he didn't ask to resemble Alastor (Hazbin Hotel.) It's actually something he's a bit embarrassed by. He knows how it looks to be an Alastor introject and knows the stigma around the show. He formed because I couldn't handle a situation, My subcon paralleled my situation to Alastor's conflict with Vox and felt Alastor was able to handle it well. So Al was formed to do the same in my place, allowing me to thrive in it instead of shut down. I had to figure this out with time and exploration.
DID does not grant you immunity, and you're still responsible for all actions you perform, whether it's yours or another alter's. DID never should be an excuse to be a shit person like the above, if true, but it should be handled and acknowledged with the respect and understanding deserved.
We're people- your friends and family, not freakshows.
My mortality scares me a lot. It's been bothering me a lot lately. The thought that one day I'll just Cease to exist. I want to leave a mark of some kind, live on in that way. I hope by doing whatever I'm doing now, that I will.
I know I would prefer mortality over living forever, but it's still an intimidating thought to think all the time that passes with me will never come back, and how limited it all is. How the sand constantly falls. I worry about wasting it all. It's gotten so bad that I worry that listening to the same songs instead of new ones distresses me in that area. I should consume as much media as I can while I can. Or making a mistake/dumb move in a game is considered a time loss. That I should listen to everything on 2x speed. There's no way to be 100% efficient but my brain wants to stress this way over it. I'm making strides to stop trying to mourn the time that's already passed me by, because I will never get it back no matter how much I mourn. So what's the point of that?
I'm sure with age, I'll feel differently, and thankfully my intrusive thoughts have gone to this place less and less. I used to not be afraid of this, now I am. Perhaps it's finding how precious this experience is.
I know that likely nothing is beyond the veil, and if there is something, I'll be able to move on probably. I am not a spiritual or religious person but I like to think it would be nice to carry on with all my loved ones after the end. But even without an extension past a guaranteed finality, which I'm more certain is the case, I know I won't feel anything once it's over. So I won't miss living. Before my life, there was nothing, and the nothing I will return to at the end of it. I just hope I can experience the best possible life I can give myself. I must make the most of it.
