#nightmareofcat

http://archiveofourown.org/works/12587356/chapters/28669312

The elevator door closed on Loki and Sophie as the agents entered the hall. In the elevator Sophie huddled silently in the corner.

She looked down and saw that her hands were shaking. "Was it hot in this elevator?" she thought.

Yes, it was hot and hard to breathe. Each breath was harder than the last. Was it always this small? The walls were closing in weren't they? Loki was standing so close to her. So very close, even though she was already in the corner. She was breathing heavily. He was too though. With his lips slightly parted and nostrils flaring, he was staring at her. Why was this taking so long?

Sophie looked around and realized that she hadn't hit the button yet. She stepped forward and pushed a button with a shaking finger and shifted back to the corner.

He, of all people, could see a panic attack happening. Loki could distinctly remember, through the fog of rage that still clouded his thoughts, the nightmare she told him of. Loki looked down at himself, covered in blood, he looked just like the monster she dreamed of. Before he could even think of helping her he had to calm himself down. Slow, steady breaths. Eyes closed briefly to mentally erase his own demons. When he felt calm once again and his pulse evened out, he set to work on her.  

"Sophie….Sophie, look at me." Loki made sure he was not touching her and stood back against the wall of the elevator. "Breathe Sophie, come on now. Look into my eyes." More coaxing and finally she uncurled herself long enough to look into his eyes. "That’s my girl, focus on me. Breathe…."

"If you can, I want you to come to me. The monster is gone now Sophie, Now I am the same man that you woke up with this morning. See me right now as I am, not as I was……That’s it, good girl." Sophie stepped gingerly within his arms. Loki slowly moved his arms around her, taking care not to move too quickly to spook her any more than necessary.  

Embracing her fully against his chest, he kept with trying to talk her down. “Very good my darling, keep breathing. Slow, steady….in through your nose, out through your mouth. Focus on the rhythm of my heart, the sound of the air filling my lungs.” He could feel her start to relax, her own respiration returning to normal.  

The elevator arrived on the top floor with a ding. Loki lead her to the door of the apartment, only releasing her long enough to unlock the door. Once inside they dropped the bags by the door, Loki lead her to the sofa and sat, pulling her down to sit on his lap and cradling her head back to his chest.

From time to time @nightmareofcat and I veer off of the main story and do what we call Oubliettes, one shot stories with Sophie and Loki that have no bearing on the plot line in “Act of God”. The events in these stories are irrelevant to our main story and sometimes completely contradict it. In these Loki can be human, Sophie can have fallen for the “wrong’ guy, etc... We still think they are fun though, so in case you have missed them popping up in the past, I’ll link to them here in one post. I think I may have missed some, but I’ll add them and reblog when I come across them. They have never been complied in one place.

PS. Happy belated @wolfsmom1. Hopefully there is something new to you here.

A Christmas Eve - no Loki here, sorry, it’s Sophie and ummm someone else

Thanksgiving - We crowd sourced the ideas for this one to celebrate writing AoG for a whole year. Thanks guys.

Beautiful I’s - A completely different universe where a human Loki and Sophie meet online.

It’s been awhile since we have tossed one of these out there. So, as usual, @nightmareofcat is Loki and Becky is Sophie. They are just hanging out being themselves. (Just for the record, Sophie’s mun isn’t 100% sure that Davenport, Iowa exists.)

[10/25/2016 12:06:49 AM] Becky: Before we go .. like for good [10/25/2016 12:07:03 AM] Becky: Dear, you wanna go home with me? [10/25/2016 12:07:24 AM] nightmareofcat: of course [10/25/2016 12:07:32 AM] Becky: like Chicago home [10/25/2016 12:08:06 AM] nightmareofcat: i go where you go, love. chicago, new york, davenport iowa, where ever [10/25/2016 12:08:24 AM] Becky: Davenport isnt like Asgard [10/25/2016 12:08:29 AM] Becky: it doesnt really exist [10/25/2016 12:08:54 AM] nightmareofcat: yes it does dear. [10/25/2016 12:09:05 AM] Becky: pretty sire it doesnt [10/25/2016 12:09:08 AM] Becky: sure [10/25/2016 12:09:14 AM] Becky: sire was Freudian [10/25/2016 12:09:42 AM] nightmareofcat: it does exist, your majesty [10/25/2016 12:10:06 AM] Becky: If thinking that it exists makes you happy, then believe away dear [10/25/2016 12:10:20 AM] Becky: I still believe in Santa Claus [10/25/2016 12:10:36 AM] Becky: not like a real old guy breaks into people houses on Christmas [10/25/2016 12:10:39 AM] Becky: but the idea [10/25/2016 12:10:51 AM] nightmareofcat: santa claus is an asshole [10/25/2016 12:10:51 AM] Becky: so you can believe in Davenport [10/25/2016 12:11:41 AM] nightmareofcat: my mun has been there, she has seen it, she has slept in it and she has eaten in it. it exists [10/25/2016 12:11:57 AM] Becky: Ok, sure, Davenport exists [10/25/2016 12:13:04 AM] nightmareofcat: lol [10/25/2016 12:13:30 AM] Becky: and theoretically Chicago is on the way there [10/25/2016 12:13:58 AM] nightmareofcat: just a 3 hour detour [10/25/2016 12:13:58 AM] Becky: we can take a side trip [10/25/2016 12:15:07 AM] nightmareofcat: oh goodie [10/25/2016 12:15:17 AM] Becky: Im sure its exciting [10/25/2016 12:16:04 AM] nightmareofcat: if you like looking at large muddy rivers then its absolutely thrilling, the eagle watching is pretty stellar and the casinos are ok [10/25/2016 12:17:30 AM] Becky: bet it has motels [10/25/2016 12:17:51 AM] nightmareofcat: many. some with jaccuzzis [10/25/2016 12:19:11 AM] Becky: bubbly bathtubs [10/25/2016 12:19:26 AM] nightmareofcat: very warm, bubbly bathtubs [10/25/2016 12:19:52 AM] Becky: you wanna make a mess for the maids to clean up [10/25/2016 12:20:09 AM] nightmareofcat: not opposed to the idea [10/25/2016 12:20:37 AM] Becky: not opposed [10/25/2016 12:21:00 AM] Becky: well thats mildly approving... [10/25/2016 12:21:43 AM] nightmareofcat: arches eyebrow  when have i ever been enthusiastic? [10/25/2016 12:21:57 AM] Becky: are you kidding? [10/25/2016 12:22:03 AM] Becky: laughs [10/25/2016 12:22:16 AM] nightmareofcat: do i look as if i jest? [10/25/2016 12:22:39 AM] Becky: Ive seen you with the kids [10/25/2016 12:22:49 AM] Becky: I saw your face the first time you looked at that weasel and I HAVE been in bed with you [10/25/2016 12:23:05 AM] nightmareofcat: blushes [10/25/2016 12:24:02 AM] Becky: Ive seen you fight [10/25/2016 12:24:16 AM] Becky: you my dear, are very enthusiastic [10/25/2016 12:24:40 AM] nightmareofcat: i thinkith you fib darling [10/25/2016 12:25:18 AM] Becky: honey, you are not a half hearted man [10/25/2016 12:25:43 AM] nightmareofcat: just one with a frozen heart [10/25/2016 12:25:56 AM] Becky: it doesnt feel frozen to me. Its very warm [10/25/2016 12:26:22 AM] nightmareofcat: my biology makes it frozen   grins [10/25/2016 12:27:56 AM] Becky: only sometimes, theres nothing frozen right now [10/25/2016 12:28:46 AM] Becky: puts her arms around him and lays her head on his chest [10/25/2016 12:28:50 AM] Becky: Sounds pretty strong too [10/25/2016 12:29:15 AM] nightmareofcat: you are a wonderful boost to ones ego, darling [10/25/2016 12:29:54 AM] Becky: hush.Im just honest [10/25/2016 12:30:51 AM] nightmareofcat: you are still magnificent at blowing my ego sky high [10/25/2016 12:31:09 AM] Becky: you’re pretty good at that on your own too [10/25/2016 12:31:24 AM] Becky: sometimes I need to take you down a peg or two [10/25/2016 12:31:56 AM] nightmareofcat: could have sworn you said you want to peg me [10/25/2016 12:32:57 AM] Becky: Oh I could do that. I distinctly remember enjoying being the one to fuck you [10/25/2016 12:33:48 AM] nightmareofcat: oh? i do not remember that [10/25/2016 12:34:08 AM] Becky: It was just a couple of fingers [10/25/2016 12:34:23 AM] Becky: but ohhh you moaned [10/25/2016 12:35:10 AM] nightmareofcat: perhaps you should try it again, see if you can make me scream... or we take the day and see who can make the other scream louder [10/25/2016 12:54:42 AM] Becky: dear, what was that about making me scream? [10/25/2016 12:56:33 AM] nightmareofcat: my idea was to see if you can make me scream, or we spend the day seeing who can make the other scream louder. [10/25/2016 12:56:45 AM] Becky: bites lip [10/25/2016 12:56:52 AM] Becky: I get to make you scream? [10/25/2016 12:57:02 AM] nightmareofcat: grins you can try [10/25/2016 12:57:38 AM] Becky: oh there is no try [10/25/2016 12:57:42 AM] Becky: I will.   grins [10/25/2016 12:58:13 AM] nightmareofcat: smirks naughtily. all talk, my darling [10/25/2016 12:59:03 AM] Becky: really? purrs Have I let you down before [10/25/2016 12:59:24 AM] Becky: Don't I always come through? Don't you always come? [10/25/2016 12:59:46 AM] nightmareofcat: there has been a couple of times i have not. [10/25/2016 1:00:18 AM] Becky: Not through any fault of my own [10/25/2016 1:00:25 AM] nightmareofcat: no, it was mine [10/25/2016 1:01:05 AM] Becky: *sigh* [10/25/2016 1:02:34 AM] nightmareofcat: why for you sigh my little mortal [10/25/2016 1:02:49 AM] Becky: cause Im your little mortal [10/25/2016 1:03:46 AM] nightmareofcat: cocks head, arches brow, crosses arms [10/25/2016 1:05:03 AM] Becky: and you'll call me pet again and not even think about it cause its cute and charming and not even think that I actually am probably closer to Toukka than you [10/25/2016 1:10:04 AM] nightmareofcat: i only call you a pet when we are being rather adventurous and it was only twice. you are not a pet [10/25/2016 1:10:28 AM] Becky: Thank you dear, [10/25/2016 1:11:00 AM] Becky: as long as its in context, Ill be your pet [10/25/2016 1:13:52 AM] nightmareofcat: ill make your kitty purr [10/25/2016 1:33:12 AM] nightmareofcat: kneel to me peasant! [10/25/2016 1:34:54 AM] Becky: again? [10/25/2016 1:35:00 AM] Becky: you are resilient [10/25/2016 1:35:17 AM] nightmareofcat: stamina of a god. [10/25/2016 1:35:33 AM] Becky: amazing [10/25/2016 2:11:53 AM] nightmareofcat: yes i usually am hard when you are near, i live in a perpetual state of arousal [10/25/2016 2:12:44 AM] Becky: you poor thing [10/25/2016 2:12:58 AM] Becky: always aroused [10/25/2016 2:14:09 AM] nightmareofcat: its a major booboo. [10/25/2016 2:14:22 AM] Becky: does it need kissed? [10/25/2016 2:14:31 AM] nightmareofcat: yes it does [10/25/2016 2:14:58 AM] Becky: awwww drops to knees let me make it better [10/25/2016 2:15:06 AM] Becky: though I dont know how it could be better [10/25/2016 2:17:01 AM] nightmareofcat: its positively weeping. [10/25/2016 2:17:35 AM] Becky: kiss [10/25/2016 2:18:50 AM] nightmareofcat: chokes back a gasp [10/25/2016 2:19:17 AM] Becky: licks [10/25/2016 2:19:40 AM] nightmareofcat: bites lip [10/25/2016 2:21:06 AM] Becky: oh astin min, don't fight it [10/25/2016 2:22:50 AM] Becky: takes him slowly into her mouth [10/25/2016 2:29:10 AM] nightmareofcat: *moans [10/25/2016 2:29:29 AM] Becky: why dont we go to bed [10/25/2016 2:29:46 AM] nightmareofcat: in our teepee? [10/25/2016 2:30:01 AM] Becky: anywhere you like [10/25/2016 2:30:50 AM] nightmareofcat: it looks like you pilfered that blanket from a native american [10/25/2016 2:31:06 AM] Becky: it came from the closet [10/25/2016 2:31:23 AM] nightmareofcat: that explains a lot actually [10/25/2016 2:31:33 AM] Becky: what does? [10/25/2016 2:32:02 AM] nightmareofcat: the fact that blanket was in the closet, i would be too if i looked like that [10/25/2016 2:33:16 AM] Becky: dont you go in the closet [10/25/2016 2:34:06 AM] nightmareofcat: is that not where one goes for that game? [10/25/2016 2:34:43 AM] Becky: being in the closet isnt a game [10/25/2016 2:34:55 AM] Becky: unless you’re talking about 7 minutes in heaven [10/25/2016 2:35:01 AM] nightmareofcat: that the one [10/25/2016 2:36:12 AM] Becky: but we have a whole apartment [10/25/2016 2:36:37 AM] nightmareofcat: we havent done anything in the closet yet [10/25/2016 2:36:46 AM] Becky: or in the kitchen [10/25/2016 2:37:14 AM] Becky: or the hallway [10/25/2016 2:37:49 AM] nightmareofcat: so i shall wear you like a pair of pants on the closet, let you ride me down the hallway then ill stuff you like a turkey in the kitchen [10/25/2016 2:38:40 AM] Becky: LOL [10/25/2016 2:38:58 AM] Becky: sounds romantic [10/25/2016 2:39:12 AM] nightmareofcat: yes thats me, romantic AF [10/25/2016 2:39:37 AM] Becky: should I just tell you to bend me over and fuck me stupid? [10/25/2016 2:40:30 AM] nightmareofcat: if you want to be crude about it [10/25/2016 2:41:01 AM] Becky: I told you before [10/25/2016 2:41:05 AM] Becky:  I have nevr fucked you [10/25/2016 2:41:09 AM] Becky: even the first time [10/25/2016 2:41:40 AM] Becky: when you so romanticly  whispered 'Shut up so I can fuck you" in my shell like ear [10/25/2016 2:44:13 AM] nightmareofcat: do wish for me to revise my words? prettify them for you? would you rather i refer to it as enthusiastic love making? tell me how you wish for me to address it and i shall make it so [10/25/2016 2:44:27 AM] Becky: grins [10/25/2016 2:44:36 AM] Becky: I was just teasing you dear [10/25/2016 2:47:06 AM] nightmareofcat: if you would rather i can whisper in your ear exactly what i shall do to you before i do as such, it might be immediately after or hours later before i ravish you to within an inch of your sanity. only the suspense of knowing it will happen but not when will be all that sustains you. [10/25/2016 2:47:27 AM] Becky: bites lip [10/25/2016 2:48:02 AM] Becky: moans lightly [10/25/2016 2:49:14 AM] nightmareofcat: would you rather i leave you little notes around the apartment, accompanied by trinkets or other items that will be involved in our intimate endevors. leave a missive near an item then discribe what that item will be used for, in great detail? [10/25/2016 2:49:41 AM] Becky: whimpers [10/25/2016 2:50:57 AM] nightmareofcat: perhaps leave photos or videos of what i wish to do to you, or ask for access to those DVDS so i may mark the parts i would like to revisit [10/25/2016 2:51:17 AM] Becky: nids weakly at it all [10/25/2016 2:51:21 AM] Becky: nods [10/25/2016 2:51:51 AM] Becky: Only if you want to own me [10/25/2016 2:53:05 AM] nightmareofcat: no, never own you. partner you, cherish you, adore and love you. never own. [10/25/2016 2:54:33 AM] Becky: yes [10/25/2016 2:55:10 AM] Becky: just yours though [10/25/2016 2:55:22 AM] nightmareofcat: just mine. [10/25/2016 2:55:27 AM] Becky: yes

Seriously, sometimes it’s more fun to pretend to plot in front of @sarabeth72, than it is to actually write.

Just to let you know, nothing has been dropped or forgotten, I found another really old scene that never got used. Just a warning. This one isn’t fun. It isn’t quite the Sophie that we know now, there was a point where she was going to be a much darker character with her emotional issues and PTSD more in the forefront. She and Loki would have been more of a matched set than set to be foils for each other.

Sophie couldn't sleep.  There were too many people around her here even though she was alone. She could feel them in the building as  paced the apartment in the pre dawn light. The walls were too close. She needed to get out of here.  

She got dressed, threw a few things in a duffle bag, put on her coat and left. Her own phone and the phone from SHIELD were in her coat pocket. As she left the building, she turned the ringers off on both of them.

She just walked for quite awhile. Not going anywhere in particular, it was essentially pacing in a straight line. She tried to think about what was happening. The dreams about Thanos that Loki had been having. What they must mean. When she thought about Loki, she could still feel his breath on her knuckles when he kissed her hand. That morning seemed like years ago, when he had lied the word friendship. Thinking about anything else but Loki was like trying to see through a fog.

Sophie walked and didn't really see anything. It felt like someone had turned her switch to off, but had forgotten to tell her body.  She entered the Subway, got on a train and rode, not noticing anyone in the car or even where she was going. She simply stared at the flickering in the windows.

Eventually her feet led her back home, to David's apartment. Her mind called it that now, not home anymore. Glancing up at the building, she didn't enter but walked past. She went one more block down to the Doughnut Shop and went in and sat at the counter.  

A bit of small talk and some coffee later and it didn't feel right. She didn't belong. She didn't fit. It felt like her skin didn't even fit right. She hugged everyone and left, wandering into the stationary store next door.

She moved slowly through the aisles and displays. Sophie was pausing and touching things without rhyme or reason, just for the comfort of the solidness under her fingers. She stood holding a small leather journal with the word Dreams embossed subtly on it's cover. Dreams were important. She must have stood too long, because a clerk was at her shoulder clearing his throat at her. She took it to the counter and silently paid for it before slipping it into her pocket and leaving.

Drifting back down the street, she did go back home.

When she unlocked and opened the door the air smelled old and dusty. It hadn't been that long had it? Just a few days or weeks maybe? She didn't think she knew exactly.  She didn't feel right here either. She was a ghost. The things that were truly HERS she had taken with her to SHIELD's apartment. It felt more like David's home than hers. Was getting the money to keep this place really why she had gone to meet with Director Fury that day or was it just the fear that she had finally been caught?  

Locking the door behind her, she dropped her bag and went back to her bedroom. She only took her shoes off before she crawled into her bed with her coat still on. It was cold.  She thought she must have turned the heat off the last time she left. It could be dealt with later. Her head hurt now.

Laying there, she thought about her brother. It seemed like she had been thinking about him less and less the more time she spent with SHIELD and Loki.  Her anger about his death had turned into anger at him for letting himself get killed. He had decided, on the spur of the moment, to be a hero.  With no thought at all for her or the Tesseract, he had decided that his life was worth those children. It was an insanely selfish thing he had done.  Was the extra time he had bought for those children worth the fact that she was now on a SHIELD leash and  would inevitably bring Thanos down on the entire world? Did he even stop to think about that? Since Sophie first wore the ring, she could never think about what  to do in the moment. The important thing was the big picture. Maybe she couldn't think that way anymore. If Loki was telling her the truth about his dreams, and that was a big if, maybe the moment was all anyone had left.

Sophie slept restlessly for the rest of the day. When she woke up it was past dark and she was sweaty and a bit disoriented. She fumbled in her pocket for her phones to check the time. Scrolling through the SHIELD phone she saw  Sister Sarah's number and pushed it, without really thinking why.

The woman answered the phone questioningly after many rings, maybe it had never rung for her before.  

" Hi. Umm this is Sophie. From upstairs? If it's OK, could I speak with Loki for a minute?"

Sister Sarah fumbled with the phone for a moment then Loki's smooth voice was on the line. " Lady Sophie? To what do I owe the honor?"

"Hi." she breathed quietly. " I, uuh, I don't know. It's just... I needed to....ummm..." she tapered off

"You do not sound yourself. Are you under duress? The agents should be checking on you, the idiots."

"No. They can't right now. I went home. I'm at home. It’s not quite home anymore though." Damn, why was she crying now? Maybe he wouldn't hear it.

Loki's words tumbled out quickly. "Home? Are you not upstairs? Are you coming back? This machine is crude. You sound as if you are crying. What has upset you?"

Sophia bit her lip and breathed deeply. She didn't know how to answer. "Did you sleep well last night? No bad dreams?" she asked.

"My dreams are ...worrying. But there is nothing you can do about them, my dear. Are they why you have fled?  Be assured, they will be dealt with in due time.  You are safe for now. You would be safer here."

She changed the subject again." You...you know what? I get it, I understand what you did. It was your brother... it sucks to have a brother that's a hero. Heroes are selfish jerks. They make decisions for you that they have no right to make. You love them anyway though, don't you? No one would ever believe that you have to love them DESPITE of what they do instead of because of it. Stupid little people. Is that how you see all of us? I get it. We are just too stupid. God, I am still tired...."She stopped to wipe the tears from her reddened cheeks.

"Sophie," he said warningly, " That subject..."

She cut him off. "Yes. Ok. I know. I'll let you go. I really don't have anything to say anyway. Just making noise.  Nothing that matters. I suppose nothing really matters. But my head hurts, I’m still tired and it's cold here. I'll go and try to get warm, huh? You DO know I really kinda liked you, right? ummmm G'bye then." Sophie disconnected the call and pulled the blanket over her head, moaning at the frustration of not being able to make herself say what she needed to say.

"Sophie? Darling? Are you there?" Loki said into the phone and got no response but a beeping tone. He turned to the woman watching him and held the phone out to her. "How do I get her back on this?"