let's see how upset I get just before/on/after it
but further more!! guess who woke up crying!! not even because of a mom dream!! it was a "telling my aunt about my struggle with depression and things dream and it all going really fucking wrong" such as her brushing me off bit, implying none of it that bad (compared to what she went through apparently)("You've had a minor eating disorder at worst, sweetie")(body stuff is literally what triggered me snapping and breaking down n the dream COOL) and that I needed to prove it and
plus then I had the knee jerk reaction to want to call someone but it's not really and option to call them (plus I still generally try to keep my bad moments to myself, talking to the internet aside)
fuckinf hope I can calm down and get back to sleep