I keep meaning
Happy new year? Yes, strange but nonetheless, happy new (and old) year to you internet strangers. I hope that, even I'm actually almost a month late to the party, your parties were filled with drunken and sober happiness and champagne and friends and a satisfaction. In the time it's taken me to get to the party you probably already died and came back to life or had several grandchildren or North West landed a cover of Vogue. AT LEAST.
I've carried over this terrible habit of "keeping meaning" to do random shit that supposedly benefits my life. A lot of it probably does and will, but mostly I won't know because I only keep meaning to do the lot instead of doing it. I guess that would be a goal of mine in the near future, not this year, but for during this year to stop making mental lists for the future and make them for now, for right this very fucking day and now that I could accomplish. I kept meaning to clean up this blog somehow, to transform it or maybe just polish it up; it has little direction in its short life, but maybe that's the point? SO much in our lives, particularly in our very personal lives, has to have direction and a deep level of philosophy, understanding, morality.... but fucking does it? Who actually gives a fuck that matters to you?
I will keep meaning to stuff probably, just because I doubt that will stop on its own. I do want to make my lists more realistic. More doable, useful, enjoyable. If I'm honest, mostly so my mom leaves me alone about this crap. And so my grandmother stops telling me to get a boyfriend already (haha, Grandma, the joke's on you, I've got one. You just don't know yet). My goals don't need to be "life changing", although my life-long and this year's resolution to stretch into splits is pretty life-changing actually, I just need them, hope I can guide them to be useful and bring me a little peace of mind, if for a short while.
Here's my philosophical rant, one of many that I've had lately. I've been doing the infinity loop like dogs before they settle down on the ground trying to find my perfect spot. Still searching but I've been realizing little bits along the way, which isn't the worst trade off. Meanwhile wine helps to easy the round-about journey my ass keeps making through the air. Gotta say, Abruzzo isn't my favorite, as if white could ever beat a red.
