#nigeran

And those fed me breakfast won’t be around to enjoy

I know that my queen will be amazing. She will be the bone of my bone. The suga in my tea. The honey in my gari. The meat in my stew. The moi of my moi-moi. The spice of my suya. She will basically be the baddest woman to ever be created by God. LOL, excuse the this whole lame intro, I got carried away.  

I know I'm young and I'm in no rush to get married, but I really do want to get married in between the ages if 28-32. I feel like marriage is one of the greatest things a person can do. That is if done with a foundation in God, love and trust. i want my wife to be the best thing to ever happen to me. I seriously pray for this woman, everyday. I know she is out there. I pray that she is well, both spiritually, mentally, and physically. I pray that if she is in relationship, that the person she's with doesn't hurt her, partly because I don't want to have to deal with trust issues. I also pray that if she is not a virgin, that she hasn't been with anyone bigger than me, just sayin. I pray for a lot of other things too, but I'm tired. I wonder if we've already met. 

I finally sat down to listen to Chimamanda Ngozi Adiche's speech that was inserted into the Beyonce song "Flawless". I absolutely loved it!! It was refreshing to hear how gender roles have altered the scope of humanity and  in a sense set up both men and women for failure.

I could relate to several of the points that were made and I am battling a few at the moment. One being the pressure to get married to a Nigerian. To appease my mother, I have somewhat in the back of my head sought out the affections of Nigerian men, but I am learning more and more that perhaps it would be a blessing not to marry one at all.

I have had more than a handful of Nigerian men (FOBs and Nigerian Americans) alike that don't see me marrying a Nigerian man and they almost immediately fault me for 1) being too headstrong 2) too argumentative (perhaps b/c I don't sugarcoat), 3) not lady-like enough. I was told once that I act like a man and by a Nigerian American (born here) I was told that seeking a higher degree after grad school was pointless? Not so ironically these have come from colleagues and people I actually considered friends at one point. It makes me wonder who concluded that these characteristics are subject to only female or only male. And the great irony is that all of these men first sought a problem in ME being an in issue in a Nigerian-Nigerian marriage but finding no fault in the other---I mean after all it is a partnership, right?

But then I evaluate the source it's coming from a male that claims to have a wife/gf and is sleeping around or talking to other people or from a male who is still trying to figure out himself and what exactly he wants from himself much less in a partner---all wonderful sources to heed from. All these faults I have---I guess is another way of saying that I am not capable of stroking fragile egos or that perhaps my forwardness is too intimidating? Why would I want to marry a Nigerian man...or a man period that thinks that of me? I consider my makeup as a blessing as I am come with no pretenses. I think the greatest pretense of all is that men are forced to be "harder" than they really are...forced to pretend that they can't be weak...that they can't be wrong..that they cannot cry...and that they cannot be vulnerable...