#nicolasflammel

You think now that she left your life easily, a message sent to teach you to love yourself and then leave without making a mess. Don't forget you once lay for hours drifting in and out of sleep that only left you stale, wishing that angels could be yours to keep. She didn't leave at once, she did not leave without trails. Reach back into the depths of your mind and remember what you felt when she started to dissipate. Remember when you sat in the corner shaking too hard to cry because you could not hold thin air, but you still held onto hope because until then your lives had been so closely blended that you thought it would always be the same way, as long as the world remained on your side. The world loved you but she would not settle for you, and you could not for her. It was quickly that your eyes became accustomed to scanning her face and closing in on any wistfulness that seemed to be there - even when it deigned itself to be visible only for a split second, even when it was snatched back so quickly you couldn't be sure you'd seen it at all. Sometimes she drifted closer and you convinced yourself she would stay because that was all both of you had ever known. Perhaps it was that more than anything you just wanted to know that she'd tried, and that the waves crashing back onto the sand repeatedly, growing louder and more violent, only to be pulled away again like puppets on a string weren't just you, such that when she broke away without saying goodbye you never blamed her for a minute. It took the harshness of a wind cutting through your skin to tell you that maybe that is why she never finished the stories she had so lovingly started, maybe that is why she left her characters to disintegrate when she ran out of words to say. Maybe she let you go enough times for you not to expect anything and if she saw it too, if she heard the whisper of the ocean calling to her like some sadistic lullaby, that would be enough for you. Just a connection. However small it was didn't matter.