#nicknameless

Now I can’t sleep. I was honored to witness a beautiful wedding of BF’S childhood friend and his now husband. It was such a touching ceremony and you could tell that through every moment their hearts were poured out to each person present and most likely many more people who were not able to attend. I cried, just like the typical female, but it was the first wedding I’ve cried at that wasn’t my own. Well that is cried out of happiness.

(I cried at one wedding due to traveling far with 2 babies with a husband deployed in Afghanistan and not one person willing to help out a mom with two babies and not knowing others in the wedding outside of the family of the deployed husband, which was about half of those in attendance. … is amazing how isolated one can feel so quickly, then having cranky babies. …who I am certain felt my frustrations as well….I’ve learned a lot sense then. But I did cry at that wedding, but not in the typical elated, happy cry. This was a hide in your car with your kids and ugly cry.)

Now you have to understand moving around every two years through your life does tend to grow your friendships, but it does not grow the basis of your wedding abilities. You move, then people invite you cross country or across the world to their wedding. Being quite poor throughout a good portion of my life, or in a situations were there was no access to money to travel afar to weddings, or time away from responsibilities. I haven’t been able to attend many weddings. Which today made me realize, maybe I should just travel around enjoying weddings. It was just so amazing.

I am excited about the next wedding coming up next month on my schedule in Nashville. Another amazing couple. I know there is a strong amount of love. I remembe once upon a time thinking that it would be amazing to be able to find someone who adored each other as much as this couple. I remember thinking how through adversity they still found an amazing love. I knew deep in my core that I had no interest getting in a relationship with anyone who had no interest in me or loving me strongly, or who I also loved and adored.

I remember thinking it was amazing that this precious Nashville couple was able to find each other as early in life as they did, because everyone does deserve to feel loved and experience something nearly as wonderful as they have. I know mine was later in life, but I don’t think they realize how inspirational they were to placing the bar so high for a strong, respectful, loving adoring, loving relationship. I wish more people were able to experience this and there was more love in the world. Thank you so much for showing so much love to each other and also just for being as amazing as you are.

Hopefully sleep will come soon.

I know it’s not great to read on about amazing relationships, especially when you are in one that is either in the difficult phase or if you are stuck in what feels like a rut or even just plain miserable relationship. I know it was once hard for me to realize things could be better. Each situation is so uniquely different. I hope that even though you might not see anything but survival mode at the moment that you know you truly deserve happiness as well. And I hope you find it.

Now tonight at the wedding I had a wine, beer and a champagne at the wedding tonight. Came home to night meds, including nyquil, which normally knocks me out before I can lay on my bed. But tonight I haven’t been able to get one lick of sleep. Hopefully I’m not to ridiculously exhausted tomorrow and I can not blow up over ridiculously small things of life. (It’s harder when one is sleep deprived)