#nicemail

now see them pregnant

hi, thank u for checking in🥺 been (and will be) absent for a lot of reasons, i've had a lot going on irl and also whenever i go crazy and post a lot i then need a few weeks of silence afterwards. not smtg i do on purpose it's more like the part of my brain that makes me want to share thoughts gets completely shut off for a while

i've also just not been having a good time on here tbh. i like to just send my thoughts off into the ether and have ppl either agree or ignore it but w this i constantly had to justify myself and get rated by a council on an emotional level and i hate it. this was so personal and terrible and vulnerable and just rly exposed layers of mental illness i try not to display (even on here, the one website i specifically logged onto so i could be mentally ill somewhere) and while a lot of people have been extremely nice, there's also been a lot of people who have just been really very nasty. which i wouldn't care about if it was fandom discourse but this is my personal horribly fragile mental health being dissected both by strangers and by people who should understand why i'm like this and i dont even know which is worse. for a while i did consider just fully deleting the app but i like sharing my thoughts and i need gifsets to live.

but it's not just abt me it's people online in general. it's been very disheartening for the past few months trying to find content for the stuff i watch and being met with either blatant homophobia (that op doesn't even recognise as homophobia) or the most bad faith interpretation of canon/writer intent possible. tv in general is in a crisis which is horrible for me because tv shows are everything to me but then even online i can't find anyone willing to engage with the source material it's all people misunderstanding everything either so they can pull some generic fandom trope over it or so they can assume the worst and get mad at everything.

it's exhausting! it's so exhausting i'm so tired! sometimes (most times even) i just want to watch a new tv show that just dropped and enjoy it and then come on here and see other people talking about why they enjoyed it. this hasn't been the case in so long and especially the past few months have been so miserable (from multiple fandoms not just the obvious), i would've stepped away regardless for the whole "i'm busy irl/i've been posting too much/i'm overwhelmed" reasons but the way all media tags i check are full of vitriol definitely solidified it

it MIGHT seem crazy what im bout to say,,,

ive also contact jame’d my sister, meaning that even though she hasn’t watched any of you streams she talks like a total freak who should be locked up and beaten with sticks! jamie win?

i think u probably deserve ur chat being 2-3% less cruel to u.