#nian-random

hey, so sorry for the lack of writing. i feel like i've just hit a roadblock with this blog because i've written so much for it. at one point it was over 1k posts (before i deleted a bunch of genshin writings). it's hard for me to get motivation to write for this blog and i'm not sure why. i have other blogs and although it's still not necessarily easy for me to write for those, i'm not at a standstill like i am here. i believe it's because it's hard for me to be interested in a lot of the requests i get and the fandoms i write for are very repetitive and i don't necessarily get to write what i want to in the moment.

example, as much as i love playing prsk and it has a special place in my heart, i just have grown bored of writing it. this is the same with bandori but on a lesser scale. the majority of my requests is always prsk or paralive (at this point at least) and i feel bored of it. i never really get to write what i want to write because i never get requests for it. i feel bad writing my own ideas because i have requests waiting in my inbox for me to write.

this is partly why i made a 'manga' sideblog. i love the mangas i write for on there and they don't have a big 'following' so they didn't get much attention when i had them on this blog. even though they still don't, i feel like i have more freedom on that blog because i actually enjoy writing fics for the mangas.

as much as i still love all the fandoms i write for, i just feel like i'm not getting enough variety within my requests. they all stick to the same few fandoms, namely paralive & prsk at the moment. i would love it if i could write for hsr but i feel like my writing is not good enough to be within that fandom with all the amazing writers who write for it. although there's not many hypmic writers, i'd love to write for hypmic more but i just don't get requests for it as often.

the fandoms i'll accept ->

i don't get much interaction. this is a source of motivation for many writers and seeing many writers with active anons talking to them all the time makes me feel kind of worried that i'm just a bad writer. yeah, i understand i'm bad at communication and i don't really post stuff other than writing but it just kind of depletes my motivation knowing that nobody really takes the time to just talk to me or even just drop a nice message. i do get them once in a while but it's usually not as frequent as writers who have as big of a following as me (currently 1.1k as i write this).

motivation. i have zero to write anything on this blog. that doesn't mean i'm leaving forever or anything like that. i want to try this 2 month-ish hiatus to see if i just need a break from this blog in hopes that i'll have some sort of motivation come back to me

being simply busy. life is busy and i have a life (unfortunately). i wish i could sit here and write all day sometimes but i just can't. i have so many other things going on and so many other things i need to finish that i just can't spare any time for this blog. it is at the least of my priority list right now.

mental health. i am a very mentally unstable person. my mental state can change with just a little push and it sucks ass. it's hard to write when i'm in a depressive episode and it doesn't feel good to push out writing that i don't think is good enough just to have something put out.