#nharidy

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It’s a small world after all, it’s a small world after all, it’s a small world after- 

“We get it!” Martín cried, “it’s a small fucking world! La concha de tu madre!”

His voice echoed back at him, floating somewhere into the high-ceilinged dark, before being promptly swallowed by the surround sound amusement park track- it’s a small world after all. 

“Whose idea was it to get on this stupid ride?” he demanded, knees bumping against the steel bar laid across his thighs. “Which one of you demons did this? I swear- I swear, I will shove you off this boat!”

Elena and Gabriel turned their heads from the seats in front, a synced motion not unlike those of the dancing dolls currently bobbing their smiling faces on every corner of this wretched attraction. 

“It was Andrés,” Elena said, a matter of fact.

“So don’t you dare complain about this ride!” Martín barked at her, “most kids would kill to get an experience like this. You’re so lucky and privileged, and you don’t even know it. What an amazing experience! I could spend forever here!”

In retrospect, the ride was actually quite charming, and prior to the malfunction in the boat that left them stranded in the water for the better part of an hour, Martín enjoyed every minute. What was there not to love about a charming escapade through a world populated by singing, dancing adorable dolls?

(Also in retrospect, they could have just gone to Disneyland Paris if the twins wanted it so much. But no. Andrés decided that a family trip to the real Disneyworld in the U.S of A was in order. Orlando also made a convenient, if unconventional, layover between Europe and Buenos Aires.)

And oblivious to the father-daughter spat, Andrés continued humming along to the small world tune beside Martín. Perfectly at home in their amusement park dingy, and not at all looking ridiculous for doing this in a three-piece suit. He was beautiful and powerful, especially so compared to Martín’s own pathetic offspring. 

“Isn’t the resemblance uncanny, Martín?” Andrés said, pointing an elegant finger at a pair of spinning dolls meant to represent a country Martín couldn’t identify. “Those two handsome dolls look just like us.”

One doll had short, black hair. Prettily wrapped in a small emerald suit. The other had hair a shade lighter, and blue button eyes. Both were smiling like idiots and waving at air. Maybe if he squinted, Martín could see the regal, powerful, and genius aurora of these two particular dolls.

Before Martín could lie and say he agreed, Gabriel piped up. “Yeah! They kind of do.”

“No, they don’t,” Elena said, “and you’re just saying that because you’re a suckup.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Yes, you are-”

Then the music, along with the lights and every last bit of Martín’s sanity, cut out. A shrill scream accompanied the plunge into darkness.

“Please keep your hands and feet inside the boat at all times. Assistance will arrive shortly.”

The intercom repeated the announcement in several more languages, but Martín couldn’t hear it through the screams.

“Fuck!” he hissed, light finally returning to the scene. From Gabriel’s phone, his son now holding it up to illuminate a frankly disturbing image of the Small World marionettes dancing and smiling to complete silence. The shadows and emergency red lights did not help.

“Okay, which one of you did it?” Martín said, “who screamed?”

“It was you,” Elena told him, rolling her eyes.

Andrés laughed. “Please, cariño. Your father is the bravest, manliest man on this planet. He would never scream in the face of adversity!”

“OK.”

Gabriel hovered the phone’s flashlight above the water, then over the faces of the animatronics. And either Martín was hallucinating, or the lighting was not doing the dolls any favors, because he swore at least three of the dolls switched places. 

“Was that one so close to the edge?” Gabriel asked, nervous.

Martín looked at where he pointed, at a tiny brunette slowly but steadily inching towards their boat. What the fuck.

“Of course it was, Gabriel,” Andrés said, “everything is exactly where it should be, and we have nothing to fear.”

Then he shifted closer to Martín and whispered in his ear, “Martín, that doll is moving towards us at an alarming pace.”

“Wh-”

“Shh! Don’t say anything- you’ll alarm the children.”

“So what should we do? Just sit here and let the asshole do whatever it wants?”

“No, but we can’t let it know that we know what it’s planning. If we ignore its existence, then we have the element of surprise.”

“You’re so brilliant.”

Andrés chuckled. “Would you love me otherwise?”

“Hmm, well, I do appreciate your other features very much too.”

“Would you care to elaborate, my darling engineer?”

“Oh, let’s see-”

Elena turned back around. “Hey, we’re hungry.”

“WOW. There are people starving in the world!” Martín snapped at her, “and you’re in the happiest place on Earth, and you still complain? Why can’t you two just show some fucking gratitude for once? Every time we do something nice for you, it’s just ‘whine, whine, whine’!”

“But we are hungry!” Elena fired back, “you promised this would be the best vacation ever, but so far, it’s just been lines and you complaining!”

“Well, if you’re so HuNgrY, just eat your brother- he’s right there!”

“I’m not eating Gabi!”

“Then let him eat you, it’s every man for himself in here!”

Elena glared, then crossed her arms and slumped in her seat. Like a fucking child! Martín rued the day he ever sired her.

“Elena has a point,” Andrés suddenly said, pushing the steel bar up in a blatant disregard for the intercom’s instructions, “they’ll starve in here at this rate, and we’ll miss our dinner reservation. We’ll have to walk out of here ourselves.”

“But it’s a maze of dolls in here,” Martín said, trying and failing to stop Andrés from standing up. “And some technician’s supposed to come for us-”

“It’s been too long, and I don’t like the way that doll’s looking at Gabi.” Andrés straightened the edge of his blazer. “I’ll search for the path first, and when I find the correct route, I’ll come back for you and the twins.”

Martín didn’t really like that plan, or the idea of his Andrés- with his 101 martyr complexes- wandering through a trap of murderous dolls, but they didn’t have a choice. What else were they supposed to do? Follow directions and wait for a park employee to guide them out of here, according to professional protocol? Of course not, ridiculous. They had no choice.

“Be careful,” Martín said.

“I’ll be fine.” Then Andrés leaned down and kissed him, Martín quickly grabbing his jaw and swallowing the kiss into a hearty gulp.

Andrés adjusted his tie, and climbed out of the boat, ignoring the kids’ idiotic protests of “Wait! Andrés, come back- they told us to stay put!” and “No, Andrés, don’t die! Don’t leave us with Martín!” and “Andrés, the restaurant looked shitty anway!” and “Andrés, that’s the wrong direction!” 

Andrés fell into the water, but very gracefully pulled himself back up, and grinned. Flashing a thumbs up at Martín, he hoisted himself over the edge of a platform, and creeping between a pair of rotating dolls, disappeared into the dark. 

After several minutes, Gabriel said, “It’s actually pretty cool, how the animatronics work.”

Elena glanced at the doll, now standing on the literal tip of their boat. “I bet they’re powered by electricity- you just can’t see the circuits.”

“They’re clearly hydro-powered,” Martín informed his idiot children, “why else would they still be moving after the power went out? Use your brains.”

The twins didn’t fight him this time, but Gabriel did feel it appropriate to say, “If we’re stuck here forever, what do we do?”

Martín felt that it would be fair for him to eat his children by that point. It would be their turn to repay him for everything he did for them. But he didn’t tell them that.

“We’ll find a way out,” he said, “I’m a genius, remember? And you two have my genes, so you’re no dimwits either. Of course we’d figure a way out.”

Gabriel gulped. “Okay.” Then he looked to Elena. “I love you, Elena.”

Elena held his hand. “Love you too, Gabi.”

Martín waited for the kids to say “I love you” to their father, but they didn’t. Assholes.

Eventually, that one marionette got so close that Martín had no choice but to stand up and kick it away like a football. It fell with an ugly splash. 

And then finally, Andrés returned, very heroically and very handsomely, even if his blazer was torn in a hundred different places.

“I found the way!” he said, “follow me!”

Martín helped the ungrateful brats out of their seats, then passed them towards Andrés. In single file, all holding hands—the children in between, himself and Andrés and the front and rear—they began making their way towards the exit. And to freedom.

—

They cheered when they finally reached the sunlight. Martín released an open whoop and held out his arms for Andrés to jump into. Then they repeated the victory jump the other way around. And after a good few seconds of cheering and congratulating each other, they turned to the children, who had been suspiciously silent.

But Gabriel and Elena were no longer Gabriel and Elena. Instead, Martín found himself staring at two dark-haired dolls that vaguely resembled his hellspawn. So grabbing the wrong “kids” was an honest mistake that anyone could have made.

“La concha de tu madre!” he said, “we lost the brats!”

“If they were my unholy offspring,” Andrés told him gravely, “I would call it a blessing in disguise. But these are your children, Martín, your flesh and blood! I have to go back for them-”

Andrés threw the blazer off, but before he could very heroically and very handsomely return to the tunnel of horrors, Martín stayed his arm.

“Wait,” Martín said, “it’s getting pretty late. I think we should have dinner first, and come back for them later. We need the strength.”

Andrés nodded. “You’re right, Martín. That’s exactly what we should do. It took so long to reserve those tables in the first place, we can’t let someone else snatch it from us.”

“Precisely.”