#nexis

And we know that the TVA aren't really what they seem now.

So we know Wandavision was kind of about loss, loneliness, and Mourning and that's how her powers created that reality.

And so far we know Loki is learning to make connections and that he doesn't have to be alone, after years of trying to go it alone.

He's also Mourning his Mother, his whole family, and home and own life.

His major Nexus event was being touched by someone he loved. Could it be that this has all been to teach him to work in a team.

Could that team be, him Scarlet Witch and a certain other sorcerer who liked to make him fall alot?

This is as good a time to write this review as any, given how much furor Harlequin Teen has received over The Black Witch lately... I read Nexis with full intentions of reading the sequel, Redux in time for its release, but I can't in good conscience read Redux, let alone finish Nexis. Which I feel really terrible about because I received Redux not just in exchange for an honest review from the publisher, but I got it as a granted Wish on NetGalley... If anything, I hope this post raises awareness as to the types of things publishers should be aware of when considering sensitivity reads.

This series has an interesting enough premise. It's set in a post-apocalyptic world (called Evanescence, by the way. I hope that sets the tone...) where humans have let the Earth fall to ruin. The poor are left to rot in the toxic air of the outside world while the elite literally live in their own bubble of ignorance. It's essentially a cheap imitation of The Diabolic. The elite pat themselves on the back for doing a favour to the poor by creating virtual reality video games that allows people to essentially live a second life. (So basically, virtual reality Sims.) Fine. Cool. The author says to just roll with it and let it happen.

So I do.

In amongst this dystopian world is Ellani, who happens to go by 500 different pet names, half of them cringe-worthy. She's a stuck up, bratty teen obsessed with boys and disrespectful to her father, who tries so hard to teach her how the Earth once was and all the terrible things human beings have done to it in their selfishness. I can see where Davroe is going with this. It's heavy-handed, and you expect Ellani to get it at some point and realise she has to do something about it. But nope.

In one ear and out the other.

While her father's busy trying to teach her empathy for the world that once was, she's too preoccupied with begging for plastic surgery for her birthday because she's the only one who hasn't been altered in some way. She also happens to solely accept validation in the form of how many boys notice and fall in love with her. So vapid is she, she's apparently "in love with" the prince, who never gives her the time of day, never said a word to her, and doesn't even know who she is. Not only that, he owns what Davroe is calling Dolls, who are basically slaves he uses to experiment cosmetic surgery upon... If this were, say, The Hunger Games, this would be making all sorts of really intense social commentary on just how corrupt and beauty-obsessed society has become. But no, this, just like everything else, is treated as the norm.

Not only is cosmetic surgery completely normalised in this world, so is assimilation of culture. It's explained early on that black people were completely weeded out of the gene pool. They're literally extinct. At this point, I have to put down my ereader and whisper eugenics to myself, which is never a word I want to associate with books I'm reading unless it's something making important statements against it. This book is not, and in fact, is so blasé, I almost miss when they use the actual word eugenics to explain the way people look so homogenous. And it's not in a "eugenics happened and now the world is fucked up" way. But in a "oh, and also, eugenics... anyway..." way. Casual as you please. As if the reader's just supposed to accept it and move on. Because that's exactly what the characters do...

So, Ellani enters the game, which takes all its world-building from how the world used to be before mankind destroyed it. And for 4.5 seconds, she's taken with how beautiful it is and what a shame that the sky and wildlife and trees and rain are gone. And I think, thank god, maybe she'll be motivated to do something about it in the real world.

But then a boy comes along. And it's instalove, so everything else she was inspired by has instantly been wiped clean from her brain (not literally, but wouldn't that be interesting?) because clearly boys are more important than stopping planetary extinction...

Just when you think I'm done describing the offensive things being so casually name-dropped in this novel, I have one more horrifying tidbit. The big, instigating plot device that gets Ellani into the game in the first place is this big crash which (spoiler alert), kills her father. Fine, you could see it coming from miles away. Alright. But then she loses her legs. And given how poorly Davroe has handled literally everything else in this novel so far, you can maybe see where this is going. Two or so chapters later, she enters the game and discovers she can have her legs back. Well, I was looking forward to seeing a disabled character kick ass in a dystopian world (again, please see The Hunger Games!), but sure, this isn't a horrifying, ableist alternative at all...

I can now glean a couple messages Davroe is leaving with this:

Attention from cute boys is all the validation girls need.

Being beautiful is all girls should aspire to be.

God forbid, if you wind up disabled, you're better off dead.

You know what was a good idea? The Holocaust.

Cool. With that, I have absolutely no interest, or intention of reading the rest of this series. I sincerely hope Entangled Publishing reads this review and strives to do better next time.

((Part 1, Part 2))

Time spent away from Dark to be alone was rare. Shawn rarely enjoyed wandering the halls of the studio. Dark’s presence was something he craved and needed. But once in a while Shawn also needed to revisit old memories. Even if they hurt.

‘When are you going to tell him about her?’

Shawn ignored Nex’s question. He didn’t want to discuss anything with them at the moment. He wanted to focus on getting to where he wanted to be.

‘You can’t keep it a secret forever. He’s going to find out.’ Even with him ignoring them, Nex continued to question Shawn. ‘Or he’ll follow you and find you wallowing…’

“Nex, shut the fuck up!” Shawn shouted, interrupting them and their taunting questions. “Just shut up and let me get to where I’m going in peace for once.”

Nex wasn’t the type to be scolded and recoil away but the way Shawn was feeling they thought it best to let him be. They didn’t want to trigger a forced switch and risk something happening to either of them. Without a word, Nex slowly began to blind himself from Shawn. It had taken some practice but with each attempt they both had found a way to give the other some kind of privacy.

It was noticeable. His mind seemed to be eerily quiet but when it happened he never questioned it. With a sigh he whispered to the walls around him his thanks to Nex as he continued to his destination.

As he walked, his mind began to answer Nex’s questions. Shawn didn’t know when he would be ready to speak to Dark about… her. He had avoided thinking about her for so long. When he allowed himself to reminisce it was only when he found himself in a certain place. The place he was heading towards now.

If Shawn’s emotions had a say he’d stay at that certain place permanently but he knew it wasn’t the best thing for him mentally. Which is why once every few weeks he would carefully sneak away and sit at a certain desk and remember. He didn’t even have to think about which hallway to tune in to or which staircase to take that would lead him there. It was as if his body was drawn to the place that someone very special spent her time. As if a part of her spirit remained within that space calling out to him.

Arriving at the landing he paused and looked to his side. A memory of a nervous smile on her freckled face flashed in his mind. Her crystal blue eyes looking at him for assurance and guidance as she took the first big step towards her dream. As quickly as the flash came it was gone. His heart ached to go back and hear her laugh beside him instead of trying to recall her laugh in his memories. Holding back a sob he stepped forward and made his way to her desk in the writing department.

The room was smaller than the other departments. Joey had said that writers worked best huddled together in a space feeding off each other's ideas. He remembered asking her if that were true and she would roll her eyes and shrug.

“Beats me,” she would laugh; the slightest hint of an accent due to leaving Ireland for America at such a young age. “I’ve only ever written alone but I’m not a real writer yet so what do I know.”

He would protest and remind her that she was a real writer. His words to her made her smile brighten making him smile right back.

Entering the room he was unaware that he wasn’t alone until the sound of someone clearing their throat alerted him. The sound frightened him that he felt the need to drop to the floor but kept himself standing as he looked towards the side of the room the sound had come from.

“Wha-what are you doing here,” Shawn stammered.

Dark rose from the chair he had been sitting on and walked towards Shawn as he replied back, “I could ask you the same thing, Shawn.”

“Did you follow me here? How? I didn’t hear you behind me? How did you pass by me without my noticing you? How-,” his questions were stopped by Dark placing a gentle finger on his lips.

“I didn’t follow you,” he paused. “At least not this time.”

Shawn took a small step away from Dark, “This time?”

“I believe it was the last time you came up here I heard you cry and came to see what had happened.”

Shawn’s face began to blush a deep red in embarrassment. The reason he came here alone was to avoid being seen in an even weaker state. He knew that Dark was aware that he wasn’t the strongest but sobbing alone in a room was a whole other level of weakness.

Dark sensed Shawn’s embarrassment. Lovingly he lifted his hand and placed it carefully on Shawn’s warming face. The coolness of Dark’s hand was welcoming and Shawn mentally scolding himself subsided.

“I didn’t mean to disturb you or intrude but you know that I worry.” Dark’s hand moved away from his face leaving a cool sensation where it had just been.

Shawn closed his eyes as he hung his head, “I know. I should have told you where I was wandering off to but it’s just…,” he stopped talking. His heart aching again at the thought of sharing his memories of her with Dark instead of letting them just die with him. If ever that were to happen.

Taking Shawn’s hand in his Dark pulled Shawn close when he saw tears starting to fall from his closed eyes. “What haunts you so much, my love? I know the loss of your friends and fellow employees weighs heavy on you but this seems to be a pain like no other.”

Holding on tighter to Dark’s hand and without looking up at him Shawn guided him to where he spent his time when he was in the room. To the smallest desk far off in the corner of the room. Shawn motioned for Dark to sit on the stool beside the desk. Without hesitation or question Dark sat but his eyes never left Shawn. He watched as the artist he now called his companion stared at the ink covered desk that had pens and papers scattered all over.

Carefully Shawn opened a small draw that the desk had and pulled out a moss green fabric covered notebook. He opened it and flipped the pages before hesitantly handing the notebook to Dark without saying anything. Dark took the notebook but didn’t pull it towards him until Shawn let go of it. He could see that whatever this notebook was it was important to him. Surprisingly considering most things that could be found in the studio were covered in ink the little moss colored book didn’t seem to be stained. Dark looked up from the little book in his hands to meet Shawn’s eyes. From the moment he released it he felt Shawn’s gaze on him.

As if reading his mind Shawn nodded and told him in a quiet unsure voice, “Look inside.”

Hearing his voice Dark asked with concern before doing what Shawn requested he asked, “Are you sure, Shawn?”

He nodded quickly and observed as Dark carefully opened the book to the first page. He could see the loopy handwriting from where he was standing. He hugged himself as Dark looked up at him inquisitively.

“Samantha Flynn?”

Hearing her name in his deep baritone voice sent a chill up his spine. Shawn opened his mouth to say something but what came out was a sob. Dark put the notebook on the desk, stood up, and took Shawn in his arms.

(I’ll Keep You)