#newyear!

It’s time to say goodbye to 2018, may the coming year bring each of you joy, happiness, love and health! Here’s to the New Year! With love,                 Bi-Positive.

so i really havent taken to tumblr to write any personal entries about myself but i figured why not. now usually this is where i recap my whole past year because i havent done much writing about myself in quite some time...but lets skip all that for now.

when it comes down to it this is for me. and if i come back and read this i think what i write from this moment on is what should matter.

now i try to say to move on from the past cause it cant be changed. and as much as i think i can do that its more like i know i cant. i try and try and yet the past always creeps up on me. i will make it a resolution to try and really tell myself how i really cannot change whats happened...as much as i want to. as my mommy always says, "if its meant to be it will be!"

so as i start this new year which im hoping to be a great year for me, i suppose i can reflect on the past but only to think about what i cant try to make better. i want to learn that if i have made the commitment to love with my whole heart then i need to do just that and not allow myself to be so overly sensitive at times. sensitivity is great but i mean i let it rule my life sometimes. i want to love my girl...really love her and learn what it means to fully be loved in return. i think most people have a general understanding of what it means to be loved but its super difficult to really grasp it. i NEED to learn what it means to love myself first, on my own! the love you get from other people is only strengthened by the love you know you have for yourself. 

i need to think and truly believe i am beautiful. and if that means changing and becoming a better version of myself then i MUST accomplish that. i want to be healthier (go to the gym. eat better. and really really stick with it!) and become my version of what beauty can look like on me...but then it comes back to trying to think that me right now is some version of beauty...one i find to be distorted. but with any shape, or size, or beauty of any person, comes soul. and i have a soul that could fill a stadium with laughter and joy and happiness. i think i have a spirit that can thrill people and make them feel like the most important person in a room. i have a way with words sometimes that i am in awe of at times cus i wonder "where did i just come up with that!" and you know what, i dont look at that as me being conceded, because if its finally something i can love about myself, well then thats exactly what i need in my life. to LOVE me for me.