#new training

I feel like I need home work or something haha like a beverage activity book like back in school. Worksheets! but I guess it will just take time to memorize everything. So far, I really like it. Everyone has been so nice and helpful. It seems like almost everyone I've asked says that it takes a different amount of time for every individual person to feel comfortable with everything. Some said one month, some said a few.

I haven't been on my tumblr in quite awhile... and i haven't posted anything in my actual words since my daddy was killed I believe... so I believe an update is overdue. Here is what I've been up to the past four months:

-Making plans to buy my dad's house. I got the first of the 401K checks today, part of this one will go towards hiring a home inspector to inspect the house and make sure I pay a reasonable amount for it. I am sooo excited to finally start moving towards owning the house, it will be amazing to be on my own, in a house on a bus line, in a house that is my own! Not an apartment, but a house!

-I got trained for Food avenue at work. I'd been thinking about cross-training in a new area for the longest time, and my dad had been bugging me to ask about it. so when THEY asked ME if i would like to, I jumped at the opportunity. I quite like it over there, sure i get a bit irritable when people do not do things properly, or they put my breaks off to the last minute, but I find ways to keep myself busy :)

-I've made my feelings absolutely and positively clear to the person i like... I have been chasing him on and off for the past four years... i have outright told him "I like you." We're both not ready or a relationship right now, but if we were... Well then my relationship status would probably be changed. I am being careful though, I've been trying not to get my hopes up too high, but just ask my bestie Shawn; I'm head over heels for this guy >.< if we do get together, I can't wait to see everyone from highschools reaction xD

-I am unofficially a majority member of Jobs Daughters. My term ended on the 27th, it was the oddest thing not being installed into an office and sitting on the sidelines at my own bethel. I take the CAV(certified adult volunteer) course tomorrow, and we are going to start planning my majority member ceremony soon! I am sad that my journey as a Jobs daughter is over... i have so many amazing memories and friends from it, but I am ready to start my new journey as an adult, and give back to the organization that gave me so much <3

-I've given up on our justice system. the man who killed my dad has not been arrested. It's been almost four months now, and this man has gotten to spend three holidays with his family, he gets to walk around carefree and do whatever he wants, and my dad is buried in the ground... 

-I've cut off all contact with my stepmother. I'd rather she stay the fuck out of my life after all of the bullshit she's pulled...

-My older sister is pregnant with baby number three! It was not planned, and it came as a surprise to everyone. But we are all excited for her and I can't wait to be able to meet and hold my new niece or nephew from the beginning <3

-I've been seriously debating going back to school. But I'm not sure if its a good idea with me buying a house right now... Maybe put it off for another year. But we'll see :)

-And lastly: I've changed. I will never deny it, my dad's death changed me for life. I feel like there is a giant hole in my heart. I go to sleep and sometimes dream about him, then wake up soaked in tears. I never know if I'm going to wake up and make it through the day without a breakdown, though i am breaking down less frequently. I fear for my family, friends, and my safety... If someone is sick or minorly injured: I freak out and over-worry... 

So there is my update. Aaaaaand hopefully I'll get back into this... we'll see.

Love and hugs,