Apr 29
Calling all Space Cadets! I think most Neurodivergent folks love the stars. This twin-galaxy infinity sign is inspired by my grandfather- wh
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Calling all Space Cadets! I think most Neurodivergent folks love the stars. This twin-galaxy infinity sign is inspired by my grandfather- wh
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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had to go to an appointment with a doctor to assess whether I still need SSI (spoiler: yes, you bureaucratic goblins)
thought it was going to be just like all the other appointments -- aka terrible and demeaning -- but lo and behold, this doctor apparently has a history of working with autistic adults
three-quarters into the appointment she’s like, “sooo.... has any doctor ever said anything to you about Asperger’s or autism...???”
long story short this bad bih was like “those long expensive tests are great for kids when it’s more difficult to tell but as a psychiatric doctor who -- from both what you’ve told me about your history and what I’m seeing in front of me -- is looking at a clearly autistic adult, I’m just gonna go ahead and set that down on paper as my diagnosis”
me:
me: “I don’t have special interests the way I used to, nothing even matters anymore lmao”
American Gods: *exists*
me: “why did I ever read this book or watch this show, it’s too much, my whole existence hurts, I can’t stop thinking about it, everything about it is perfect, I can’t stop crying, do you ever wish you could just devour an entire IP like... literally devour, also my middle name is absolutely Shadow”
me: ...
me: “ohhhhh”
me at desk, having sat upright all day and defended against various levels of sensory disturbance: “holy shit everything is hard, my whole body hurts, tired, brain is a fuck”
me five minutes later, now reclining with blanket and plushies in my own space: “whoa where did this resurgence of mental energy suddenly come from”
me: “I’m totes normal”
also me: “I put water instead of milk in my instant flapjack cup thing by accident and it came out Wrong as a result and I had to throw it out because it was like eating an utter abomination and now I can’t eat anything else because that was The Thing I Was Going To Eat and everything else is Wrong but also I can’t not eat before the movie because then I’ll be hungry and upset but this sense of urgency isn’t helping me figure out what will be Acceptable to eat but also”
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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fun fact: it’s apparently a really common thing for ND people to sit in weird-ass positions, but I’ve literally never been able to sit cross-legged without feeling like I’m dislocating my hips (that also goes for the W/M floor-sitting shape that a lot of autistic children seem to adopt, and sitting or kneeling with my legs under my body)
I do, however, while laying (which is my default at-home posture, some kind of laying/reclining), sometimes feel the incredible need to stretch my leg muscles as far as they can go repeatedly, like there are bees trapped in my legs and the only way they can be released is by pulling the muscle tight.
leggys.
You know what makes no sense to me? When people try to explain something in great detail before I’ve even seen or done whatever it is.
Like, sometimes we play board games with two of Sparrow’s friends, and one of them always explains like every rule of the board game that she can think of before we start playing, and I guess that’s how it works for her? but I’m sitting there with my eyes glazed over like “I have literally zero context for whatever you’re talking about. this is just word salad. my brain is dissolving. make it stop”
Every single time I start off the game incredibly confused because I’m still trying to clean the word-vomit off my short-term memory, but I pick up the rules and nuances as I go, as the context reveals itself. It’s the same thing with video games, like if I’m in a dungeon for the first time with someone and they’re explaining the strategy I’m like “What..........” but as soon as the actual gameplay happens I work out the details -- slowly, sometimes, but I get there.
I never made the connexion that disruptive sensory input, especially over a period of time, could actually fuck up your entire outlook, from your emotional responses to your actual worldview, until I saw people on tumblr talking about it
it’s probably ridiculous how many extremely shitty days I’ve had that probably could have been ameliorated if I hadn’t had to hear construction noises for an hour that morning, or something
(for the record, this is why I’m so hardline about not putting up with sensory issues. better to fix it now than sit through it and let the toll add up)