#nervousrunaway

That I could finally find just the right set of words to make you realize how important you are to me. But the reality is if I ever tried to share these with you , you’d cut me off & tiredly ask me to leave. Because these words don’t mean anything in the end.” They never did & we you moved on"

Never again will our particular set of atoms & stardust touch.

Do you think our little nitrogen atoms weep? To know they waited 13.8 billion years, found their way to our hearts in our mothers wombs and waited. Waited to collide in that motel parking lot in South Carolina, only to never meet again. 13.8 billion years for a single moment.

Because it is always later. Not now, Never now. And so we always seek something to blame us on. That maybe next time it will work. Im so tired.

I want to make you laugh so often I become intimately familiar with the way your smile sounds. I want to memorize the way your eyes flash in a moment of joy and find find comfort in the feeling of your palm in mine.

I want to be a moment of peace in your day. That which lifts your heart and reminds you that the birds sing.

But you only text me when you are lonely and rough around the edges. Seeking the spark and intensity of us. Looking for the way I am quick to respond and quicker to strike, because everyone I have ever loved has left and I have been scarred by their departure. So despite all that I desire, I continue this act. This performance of nonchalance and distance, because I live for the moments we speak and I am scared that to drop the facade is to extend you an invitation to depart.

I have forgotten so much of you, and yet. I could drive that road from my house to yours blindfolded. When I am lost and so alone, I put on our song and remember how dancing in the kitchen with you felt.I still read the books you recommended and play the games we learned together

When you lie between the sheets at night are you haunted by the memory of me beside you, aching in the darkness; reaching for me across that bed as if you might bridge the minutes and miles between us and feel the almost brush of my fingertips?

In the moments between sleeping and waking, when that nascent light begins to call you from your dreams so sweetly that you almost forget all that you are, do you think of me? Are you so in-love with me that I have become tangled amongst all of the veins in your heart, and you could no less cease to dream of me than halt your heart from beating? “

_____

I sent this to him and received “Yes”