You guys...let's talk about this picture. This is a picture of me singing at the Black History Month recital I recently participated in this past weekend. It's a full length body shot and the shocking thing? I don't hate it. I am a person that struggles with self-confidence. When it comes to my appearance, my talent, my intelligence, pretty much anything having to with being human causes me to experience a fair amount of self-doubt. And one major area that anxiety has manifested itself is in my performing. Like all musicians, I am constantly judging myself, constantly critiquing, is this good enough, am I going to hit this note, do I look good, can they see me shaking, I can't breathe, can I do this, can I do this, can I do this??? And my anxiety ends up standing in the way of me delivering the performance of which I know I'm capable. I practice better than I perform. I am not #clutch so to speak, I choke. And it normally haunts me. But this picture though? This face? This is not the face of someone who chokes. This is someone who is confident. This is someone who is sure of what she's saying. And mostly, this is the face of someone who is CALM. I don't look scared or anxious, I look serene. I look strong. I was strong. I AM strong. And don't get me wrong, I was also nervous as hell. And no, I did not perform perfectly, no one ever does. But for the first time in a very long time, I allowed myself to sing from my #heart instead of my head. As if participating in an event that centered itself around the story of my heritage wasn't significant enough for me, the added fact that I was able to put my nerves aside and give myself over to telling MY part of that story...it honestly brings tears to my eyes. Y'all this evening changed me in ways I didn't expect. I am so grateful to have been a part of this moving experience. Thank you to @denisebattle_sings for reaching out to me and valuing me enough to give me this opportunity to share my gift. It has truly sparked an unprecedented process of growth within me and I am very excited to see where that takes me. Here's to onward and upward. ❤ #blackhistorymonth #blackgirlmagic #performer #singer #nerissasangs
