#neriad13

w-why...;_;

The obstinacy! The conflict! I love it! 8D

I'd also recommend reading up on Buddhism if that's not a religion you're terribly familiar with. Looking at the story through that lens reveals all sorts of symbolism that might be glossed over otherwise.

This is best card I seen >u< !!!

Cool, where’s my award for best card xD

neriad13 replied to your photo “DA:I tarot card, except it’s not an actual card, I didn’t take it...”

Cryptid Inquisitor has such personality though. ='D They're fun!

I came out to my parents about four months ago now. I knew they weren’t happy about it, but I thought after spending some time adjusting to the idea and seeing that I was doing better than I’d ever been doing in my life, they’d gradually come around to it. 

Well…that hasn’t been happening.

My dad has always been especially homophobic and not a single thing I say, no matter how lovingly phrased, no matter how carefully chosen, can do a single thing to dissuade him of that stance. I send him my favorite writings about how nothing in the Bible says a single word about homosexuality as we know it and he writes back with “I’m so sorry this pamphlet has hurt you and taken you from the path of God.” He claims he loves me with every single hateful word he spews.

My mom just flat-out ignores me when I even try to talk to her about anything beyond the mundane details of everyday life. I suspect she’s exactly as homophobic as my dad, but it took me a lot longer to realize that with only silence to work on. 

I’m realizing that I cannot change them and that the version of me that they claim to love is one that does not exist. It’s a devastating thing to grapple with. I’m envisioning gradually cutting them out of my life when I’m able to do so.

Got any words of wisdom?

First of all, I’m sorry it’s taken us so long to get to responding to this. I wish I could tell you some sparkling piece of advice that you can use to dissolve your parents’ homophobia and make them into the fully accepting, supportive people you deserve to have in your life, but I can’t. 

I’m in a similar situation with my parents: I’ll have been out to them for two years in January, but I still can’t talk to them about anything even tangentially related to being gay without them getting incredibly stiff and obviously uncomfortable. If I try to confront their homophobia they become incredibly defensive and angry, and usually resort to claims of religious freedom and all that jazz. (They’re Catholic.) 

At this point, our conversations related to gayness or the LGBT community at large are so consistently traumatizing in nature that I no longer bring it up at all, keeping a huge part of my identity and my entire love life out of their sight, so even though I’m technically out to them, it often feels like I still have one foot in the closet when I’m around them.

Unfortunately, I feel like many of us who come out to our parents end up stuck in situations like this, with parents who begrudgingly and halfheartedly “accept” that they have a gay daughter but who certainly aren’t thrilled about it. When I read Boots of Leather, Slippers of Gold I was struck by this passage about lesbians’ relationships with their families:

“As a result of the contradictory demands of family life and of lesbian community, all the narrators’ families suspected that they were gay. They experienced varying degrees of disapproval ranging from avoidance of the topic to violent beatings. However, none were completely rejected by their immediate families, nor were any warmly accepted. Within several years of coming out, each established a truce, so to speak, with their families, and maintained contact. The goal of discretion in family life, therefore, was not so much to keep members of the immediate family ignorant of one’s lesbianism, but rather to avoid further disruption of family relationships and to protect one’s immediate family from general social disgrace and from ridicule by fellow workers, neighbors, or relatives. Another distinct aspect of discretion in family relationships was its reciprocal nature. For extended family relationships to be maintained over time, members of lesbian’s immediate family had to be cautious about pursuing the topic of sexuality and causing repeated confrontation.” [Italics mine.]

Mind you, this is a description of the 1940′s. (Or 30′s. Or 50′s. I forget. Somewhere around there.) Yet to me, at least, it remains bitterly relevant. Our families, in general, may not kick us to the curb, but nor do they try to understand and support us when it comes to our gayness.

I realize that all I’ve done so far is to basically empathize with you, and maybe this entire post is depressing, but the unfortunate reality is that many of us never do get the resolution with our parents that we crave; they never apologize for their homophobia when raising us, and they never truly understand why we’re so proud and unashamed to be who we are.

I sincerely hope that you’re able to reach an understanding with your parents that includes their enthusiastic embrace of your lesbianism, and I encourage you to keep attempting to communicate with them; there are plenty of stories out there of parents who turn a corner and I hope that yours will be among them.

If it doesn’t work out that way, though, or if it’s a very long and slow process, I advise you to remember that your parents are not always right and that their approval is not necessary for your happiness. It’s natural to want approval from our parents, but when they hold misguided and harmful beliefs we have to amend our priorities. Seeking acceptance and community among friends (especially other members of the LGBT community) can be a very healing process that reaffirms us in ways that our parents aren’t able to.

Everything will be all right <3

Thank you so much! This is such a heart-warming message!

I wanted to be a comedian when I was a kid, so hearing that you had a good laugh and were properly entertained really brings me joy. :D

Holy shit I love the eyes! =0