#neo.repost

How far can you carry this?

bring me back home

moon. look down upon me. your light is the only warmth that has touched my skin. moon. look down upon me.you know all my secrets. bring back what I have lost. moon. bring me back home.

she wakes back into a battlefield tonight. the sounds of war ring through her ears as her heart jumps hearing the familiar clash of swords, the whistle of arrows, the gnawing smell of fire and flesh. it doesn’t frighten her it only lulls her back into a familiar skin. now she sits up in bed shining with sweat.remembering it all.

she embodies the darkness and melts into the heatwave of chakra around her. it’s only a dream but the anbu assigned to watch her drops quietly to his death behind her window. zain carries with her the weight of a thousand bodies, gutted from belly to chest she’s drenched in blood getting out of bed.

it’s the type of night where the sun seems unconventional, a myth to those who have never prayed to it. the moon waits for zain outside of her window glistening a hot yellow eye as it watches her from the corners of dark sweeping clouds. she slides out quietly through the window and continues to sleep walk though the back gates of her confines. the other anbu are unaware of this, dozing off in trees snoring in bushes practically dead. she continues her trek searching to cleanse herself.

her body feels heavy covered in blood, she can feel it’s tackiness, it’s stifling warmth it’s cooper taste stuck to the back of her mouth. it’s only a dream. yet she walks. in her mind she believes the plush grass she places her feet on are stone and glass and the songs of owls are the laughter of vultures high in the air circling in seance.

who do you pray to when you’ve killed so many? what purpose is sin if you’ve only been baptized with blood?

she continues to walk till the shards of cold water hit her feet and as if she was reliving her past her hands stretch out like one long sigh only finding relief as her powers pull the moon closer.

this is it, the curse can be undone tonight. the war rages on in her mind, absent of the shadows that cast along the river.

she thinks she no longer has to commit to the scent of burning bodies. no longer can the hands that have touched her keep pulling her down separating her ankles. the chakra that bites away at her own no longer exists here. she’ll wash away her own sins and make herself forget instead of someone else knifing poison into her brain splitting her in two. zain or three none of that will exist. she’ll swallow the burden she’ll take the risk

tides wash back and forth, from ankles to her knees until the coldness of the river numbs her out. the earth shakes in tandem, it’s essence growing out of it’s gaps. the dark green trees and bushes waving through hostile wind stretching it’s branches.

zain can feel the magnetic field at her disposal, ley lines filled with all the souls that she’s taken. the first seal on her back breaks and then another. the river splits in two. walls of water curtaining around the moon as it practically pulses with a weight only she can bare.

she can’t hear the screaming in the wind or the earth underneath her feet turning into rubble. silence dances in her mind until she hears a voice.

“so this is what you are?”

when the river water falls down in a rush it is placed back into it’s crevice and the trees crest backward from the wind and go still as the moon settles back into the night sky. zain is laid down in the grass. she’s awake now, unsure of how she got outside or what ibiki is telling her and the other anbu now surrounding her. their voices slush back and forth, commands and seething voices. proclaiming that she does not belong here.

the weight of her guilt of the life she used to live settles between her ribs again. her skin prickles in sweat realizing she’s in her own labyrinth of torture.

“how far can you carry this?” the voice in her mind asks just as sai from up above illuminates her vision.

how far before your realize you were never strong enough?

the answer should of been clear by now. long arms reach out to her frozen body on the grass as the realization kicks in. she is tired and the weight on her heart grows heavy. the realization of how far she is from home and how sai's question can't be answered verbally as tears flow around the corner of her eyes.

zain would carry this guilt, this penance to the moon and back.

to the moon and back.

moon. look down upon me. your light is the only warmth that has touched my skin. moon. look down upon me. you know all my secrets. bring back what I have lost. moon. forgive me. I can never go back home again.

@lvyeshou |

because you want a fucking fight…

The patch of greenery before reaching the ANBU grounds is Tenzo’s favorite place to be. Usually alone observing the new growth of lavender bushes and mulberries on trees, where the sky is clearer and bluer before the dark. Gai could of been like everything else around here with that green suit on, except his stance isn’t as open as it usually is when he’s around other people, his beloved trio of children, the Hokage or even Kakashi-his favorite rival. His favorite’ favorite. Tenzo wonders if he’s like this with him as well, if the friendly spars are more to break a sweat or have the hope, the feeling for something to break between your fists. And Tenzo gets it, he understands why Gai loves pushing his luck and putting his limits under a pressure heavier than the inevitability of gravity. Because when it’s you against the world and you put the world on it’s fucking back a few times- that shit’s addicting. Now, maybe Gai wouldn’t put it so coldly. He’s probably running a four to five page soliloquy in his head about how fighting with a worthy opponent is beautiful- almost like the miracle of a new day or the holiness in sex. Tenzo smiles a little at the thought almost as he is content with the fact that Gai never calls him Tenzo- like he knows better, like ’Yamato’ is far more approachable then the name he knows best. He unclenches his sharp jaw to speak. “Don’t tell me you’re getting bored with Kakashi-senpai and his sharingan- have you two explored all the possible sparing paths?” Tenzo moves smoothly, walks up to Gai as he undoes the small latch of his head protector and lets the metal band and his jounin jacket hit the ground. He will not deny the dragon what he wants. Tenzo knows he might not ask so nicely again. “Or are you just looking for me?” He stares at Gai for a long long while before he reaches to touch the slant of his own jaw softly almost caressing what’s inside. And as if satisfied his hand falls back down beside him. Underneath the dermis of Tenzo’s skin his veins tremble, billow like waves as a crimson circle forms atop of his forehead and crests peel underneath his eyes like a path of bloody tears. He draws back his fist, feels the nature chakra hollow him in and out making him taste the heat radiating off of Gai’s skin. Yeah, he’s been wanting to break somebodies jaw too.

@sehnemich | the worst of us.

By the time we got down to the borderlands of Konoha and Kusa you were already complaining about the dry heat and half talked about missing the bogs down in Kiri where you hunted and trained. You half smiled for no reason that I can remember perhaps you just wanted to go home. You wanted to remember what it was like, you wanted to know if anything stayed the same, you wanted, you wanted freely for the first time- and I loved that smile, that smile with no reason.

I hated traveling with you, but I had to because if you left me back at the house in Otogakure I would have never forgiven you, so instead I traveled half way before our journeys parted- a mistake on my part but at least that way we’d mutually and silently agree that leaving was what was best– another mistake.

You didn’t have to feel bad and I didn’t have to feel sorry.

I looked at you, you looked at me when we had arrived,you weren’t smiling anymore. “Don’t let them shoot you out from the sky” I said for no particular reason, aside from the fact that my mother used to say it to me and my brother when it mattered and I wasn’t sure why I said it because I wasn’t sure you’d understand what I meant.

“I doubt you’ll enjoy it.” You said. I shook my head slow, “no.”

You frowned.

Maybe you were looking for a different answer, something less staticy and short. But it was all I could give if I was ever going to leave to let you do what you needed to do and for me to do what I needed to do. If I was ever going to put someone else’s needs before my wants this had to happen.

“Not that you need to hear it from me,” I say, “but, you belong there. You belong with your family and with your clan. You belong cuz you came back on your own you didn’t forget nothin, no matter how much they might wanna push you out or push you in. With or without that sword Sui, you belong.”

I caught the crystalline glint in your eyes. I hugged you before you could say anything, before I said anything more to make me regret.

I sighed with my chin on your shoulder, buried my face there too till I felt your hand on my head.

I should of told you I loved you instead of all that, but I knew the heaviness that we held within was glued to the worst of us. That if I told you I’d make another mistake- like leave with you or worse; ask you to stay.

Yet, all I knew was that I had to be okay with the fact that our futures were separated for now and maybe for later too. I don’t know, I didn’t need to know.

I touched your hair, you touched mine.

We kissed. We walked away. We were gone.