#m.sai

How far can you carry this?

bring me back home

moon. look down upon me. your light is the only warmth that has touched my skin. moon. look down upon me.you know all my secrets. bring back what I have lost. moon. bring me back home.

she wakes back into a battlefield tonight. the sounds of war ring through her ears as her heart jumps hearing the familiar clash of swords, the whistle of arrows, the gnawing smell of fire and flesh. it doesn’t frighten her it only lulls her back into a familiar skin. now she sits up in bed shining with sweat.remembering it all.

she embodies the darkness and melts into the heatwave of chakra around her. it’s only a dream but the anbu assigned to watch her drops quietly to his death behind her window. zain carries with her the weight of a thousand bodies, gutted from belly to chest she’s drenched in blood getting out of bed.

it’s the type of night where the sun seems unconventional, a myth to those who have never prayed to it. the moon waits for zain outside of her window glistening a hot yellow eye as it watches her from the corners of dark sweeping clouds. she slides out quietly through the window and continues to sleep walk though the back gates of her confines. the other anbu are unaware of this, dozing off in trees snoring in bushes practically dead. she continues her trek searching to cleanse herself.

her body feels heavy covered in blood, she can feel it’s tackiness, it’s stifling warmth it’s cooper taste stuck to the back of her mouth. it’s only a dream. yet she walks. in her mind she believes the plush grass she places her feet on are stone and glass and the songs of owls are the laughter of vultures high in the air circling in seance.

who do you pray to when you’ve killed so many? what purpose is sin if you’ve only been baptized with blood?

she continues to walk till the shards of cold water hit her feet and as if she was reliving her past her hands stretch out like one long sigh only finding relief as her powers pull the moon closer.

this is it, the curse can be undone tonight. the war rages on in her mind, absent of the shadows that cast along the river.

she thinks she no longer has to commit to the scent of burning bodies. no longer can the hands that have touched her keep pulling her down separating her ankles. the chakra that bites away at her own no longer exists here. she’ll wash away her own sins and make herself forget instead of someone else knifing poison into her brain splitting her in two. zain or three none of that will exist. she’ll swallow the burden she’ll take the risk

tides wash back and forth, from ankles to her knees until the coldness of the river numbs her out. the earth shakes in tandem, it’s essence growing out of it’s gaps. the dark green trees and bushes waving through hostile wind stretching it’s branches.

zain can feel the magnetic field at her disposal, ley lines filled with all the souls that she’s taken. the first seal on her back breaks and then another. the river splits in two. walls of water curtaining around the moon as it practically pulses with a weight only she can bare.

she can’t hear the screaming in the wind or the earth underneath her feet turning into rubble. silence dances in her mind until she hears a voice.

“so this is what you are?”

when the river water falls down in a rush it is placed back into it’s crevice and the trees crest backward from the wind and go still as the moon settles back into the night sky. zain is laid down in the grass. she’s awake now, unsure of how she got outside or what ibiki is telling her and the other anbu now surrounding her. their voices slush back and forth, commands and seething voices. proclaiming that she does not belong here.

the weight of her guilt of the life she used to live settles between her ribs again. her skin prickles in sweat realizing she’s in her own labyrinth of torture.

“how far can you carry this?” the voice in her mind asks just as sai from up above illuminates her vision.

how far before your realize you were never strong enough?

the answer should of been clear by now. long arms reach out to her frozen body on the grass as the realization kicks in. she is tired and the weight on her heart grows heavy. the realization of how far she is from home and how sai's question can't be answered verbally as tears flow around the corner of her eyes.

zain would carry this guilt, this penance to the moon and back.

to the moon and back.

moon. look down upon me. your light is the only warmth that has touched my skin. moon. look down upon me. you know all my secrets. bring back what I have lost. moon. forgive me. I can never go back home again.