We often find ourselves in conflict because we mistake our teammate's intentions. We mistake defense as offense. We think they are attacking us, when they are actually defending themselves. Here's the formula for mistaken conflict from defensiveness: 1. I have some important 𝗴𝗼𝗮𝗹 for myself or our organization, e.g., I want fast growth. 2. I stake out a 𝗽𝗼𝘀𝗶𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 I think is important to reach that goal, e.g., I demand we roll our prototype out now to get traction. 3. You have a concern about how to make that roll out go well, e.g., You throw up a question about the timing of the roll out. 4. I think 𝘆𝗼𝘂'𝗿𝗲 𝗮 𝘁𝗵𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁. So, I push back, e.g., Stop! You're slowing us down! 5. You think 𝗜'𝗺 𝗮 𝘁𝗵𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁. So, you push back on me, e.g., Stop! You're being impulsive! Now we're in conflict. And, we don't have to be. I want fast growth. You want a smart roll out. Those goals don't have to be in conflict. How do we get out? One of us has to trust the other enough to acknowledge the value of what the other wants. That opens up a space to talk. Then we can see that we can both get what we want and benefit the organization. Sometimes your strongest move is to show the courage the acknowledge the value of the person you think is attacking.
