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And I fucking love when people are like "don't sit or lay down when you're tired!" Because 1) standing upright does not stop a sleep attack, and I have a scar to prove it and 2) guess what? I've got another condition that makes it so standing for too long isn't healthy, so my life's a perfect fucking balance
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Well I just lost a best friend...
It's gonna be fun graduating and the closest thing I have to a friend in my major is my boyfriend's sister
When youāre gonna have a bachelorās in accounting with a 3.5+ GPA but apparently you canāt even get a bookkeeping assistant summer job š
Okay but narcolepsy fucking SUCKS. There was some bullshit with my neurologist moving to a new practice and getting a new DEA number and some other shit (I finally fucking see her again on Thursday), so Iāve had to make what was supposed to be my February prescription last all the way through fucking now
Iāve literally probably been averaging over 12 hours of āsleepā a day, but since itās narcolepsy, itās not quality sleep or even necessarily full sleep. Iāve had to miss classes because of this. I already had to plan my evenings and nights down to a T because of this damn condition before this. Itās my last semester of undergrad, I shouldnāt be spending most of it miserable and tired. Iāve accidentally made myself bleed way too many times trying (and sometimes still failing) to stay awake. Iām physically exhausted, which 1) is the perfect breeding ground for my depression but 2) causes significant stress, which, guess what, āstress induced paranoid ideationā latches right onto
I just fucking hate this stupid condition so fucking much and all itās taken from me, and I know itāll never stop fucking taking
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Ah wonderful. BPDās been acting up lately and now Iāve got my mood swings that come with menstruation as well as the dysphoria that brings. So todayās been going greatā¦
So momās getting me a ~makeover~ for Christmas (in January) and itāll basically be āhereās how you should dressā and āhereās how you should do your makeupā (that part might actually be helpful) but now sheās talking about taking me to a hairstylist to āfind a haircut that suits meā (this is all so I look ~more professional~ (which I fucking know how to do, I just donāt because I donāt currently have to and doing so uses spoons that I need for school)). I politely told her I already decided on a haircut I want (Iām going back to ear-length) and she was like āI didnāt mean to offend you with hair comment, just wanted to let you know I found someone goodā
Bitch, how am I not supposed to be offended if you donāt trust me enough to pick my own damn haircut?
Itās happened
Iāve officially been diagnosed with BPD by my psych, and my therapist is heavily considering PPD. Tbh, I wouldnāt be shocked if they soon add AvPD, or at the very least, avoidant traits
