#needtothink

I dont call it running away from problems. I call it recharge and come back stronger. #vacationmode #needtothink #gottastopdoingforawhile #love #happiness #blessed https://www.instagram.com/p/CBNXFCEH_Km/?igshid=1mi6esf4yghty

kiedy ktoś mnie mocno wkurzy i potrzebuję pomyśleć co z nim dalej zrobić, łapię za nóż🗡.. i kroję 🥗🍝 #needtothink #cooking #knifeinthehand #bestfocus #bestwaytothink (w: Kraków, Poland)

Just going to take a break from social media this weekend. I may post here & there, but I just need some time to myself. I need to get out of this funk that I'm in so I'm going to be doing a lot me, myself & I stuff this weekend. I just need some time alone to clear my head, think & refocus. I'll be back on again more often soon. Everyone enjoy your day! ❤ #empaths #highlysensitiveperson #empathetic #empath #empathy #empathic #beyourself #loveyourself #iamwhoiam #gottabeme #selfcare #selflove #selfdiscovery #selfacceptance #selfworth #alonetime #memyselfandItime #workinprogress #needtoclearmyhead #needtothink

Things happen. They do. I'm not really sure why and quite honestly I'm really just writing this to help sort through some feelings. I hate what happened. I love you. I was scared and screaming in the car alone trying not to shake. All I wanted to do was for the sober version of yourself to Come home me and tell me I would never have to deal with that asshole again... I wish it wasn't you. It kindof wasnt... Maybe that's why I can forgive you so easily... Maybe.. Am I easy? I have trust issues. From too many boys acting like they loved me and using me for my body.. It scares me. Will I enjoy Sex? I think I will... I sat on your bathroom floor sobbing while you say there and stared at me not knowing what to say or how to act due to what just happened. I wasn't ready... But I gave in.. Stupid. Why is it so easy in the moment but when you clear up you want to die. It made me feel like a dead wilted rose. Dirty and not beautiful... Used and disposable I think.. I don't want to... I'm not sure what to do now.. I forgive you I just feel like it's a little weird because you don't even remember what happened. This is hard. I Wana go back but I can only go forward while my mind goes backwards and leaves me absent to the present.. I love you. And I need you. But I don't like that guy I met last night. He scares me with his insensitivity..

Le soluzioni ci sono e arriveranno. Ma sembra parecchio dura al momento

No more depressing posts! I feel I finally have closure on the situations in my life right now.  Spending an entire day just thinking things through over and over again has helped me look at a new perspective on life.  Yes. My relationship with somebody I really fucking cared about, ended.  He has proceeded to block me from everything and effectively I guess shut me out of his life. Having to deal with that really fucking hurts. But at the end of the day, what can I do? I can't force anybody to "be" with me, no matter how hard it is and yeah it's a shitty situation and believe me I feel and look like absolute shite but that's life.  Going home earlier than planned is what I need. I need TLC from friends and family and be around people who do care for me and will give me the time of day and allow me to make mistakes but also allow me to fix them. That's life. People make mistakes. Not to say it's fine and they should be forgiven straight away, but mistakes happen right and I believe everybody deserves a second chance.  I've been thinking since Christmas that University isn't for me. In all honesty, I've not been enjoying myself as much as others have been around me. I've put a smile on and I guess, pretended to be ok for the sake of my relationship at the time and those I am friends with and have gotten close with whilst being here.  It may just be a case of this is all really overwhelming at the moment as I'm hurt and upset and am just doubting pretty much everything going on with me now but I do need to think what I really want and where I will be comfortable.  I've never acted like an 18 - going on 19 - year old girl and I think it's about time I started.  I don't go out as much as I should. I don't talk to boys or anybody else for that matter, as much as I should ha. I've always put other peoples happiness before my own but It's about time I grew a pair and put myself before others and forget those who have put me down or given up on me along the way and have a really fucking good time with my life.  If you even read this then you brave but poor soul. I apologize :P. I sound so depressing from this post but trust me, writing this out has put things into perspective with my life and what's really important to me, even if nobody has read in and I am in fact talking shit to myself. ^.^.