#needfeedbackplease

Hi people ! As the title clearly indicates I wrote a short poem for my angsty vigilante Izuku fanfic ( The chimes of destiny by Mido_sss )

Irl friends have already seen it and I have already corrected some mistakes

This was inspired by my dear mutual @cryingoverferdia and their Mikage poem (from RGU) so go check theirs out on A03 cause it's truly wonderful

It doesn't have a title :

It’s best to see you dead than alive,

it’s easier. to erase the pencil’s remains

with burned wood and grey shroud;

walk to the grave as you do on the roof

pockets full of holes with things you’re keeping

I’m going to lose the taste 

to the colors of what you were

In a desperate attempt to deny

your yellow existence as just as mine

walk to the filthy grave as I do to the velvet altar

with the grey irony of my immoral hatred

I’ll keep moving when you’ll not

lying fast asleep in white cotton clouds

closer to the muddy bottom than you are

walking, running, crawling, when i want go back

Run to the grave as I lay waiting 

confused by the lack of feelings

Hospital gowns, beeps of machines,

I’ll keep coming back, praying,

not for more. But for less of mine,

in your place.

Hurry to the grave

as I hope for

you to leave.

Okay so what I'm asking is honest and harsh feedback about what you think,

I cannot give much context cause it would be a spoiler but the poem should evoke : death, some idea of movement, grief//hate, fear of dying yourself..