#nea talks

A bit serious, but "you can't love away mental illness" and "you can't save anyone" are really hard truths to swallow, especially going into mental health/therapy. People are going to die, leave, or give up, and you can't do anything but still try to empower them to be happy.

When she looked at me and said that, it bloomed the first seed of doubt I've ever had about what I wanted to do with my life. Can I accept that I can't save anyone, no matter how hard I try? Can I understand that people who I want to live and succeed will die, or leave?

I never considered what being a counselor was like. That they'll have the lives of so many on their hands. That they'll never know who achieved their goal and who didn't. That, ultimately, you're the most temporary existence in their life while they're permanently in yours.

Something funny was, "everyone who's a counselor is one for a reason. we've all got reasons." Like, why else go into therapy than because of your empathy and understanding? At the very least, almost all the therapists Ive met have had a 'reason'

And on the other side, in substance abuse, she said, "you may never learn who you helped or didn't. you just have to continue on faith, and maybe once every now and then, someone will tell you 'you helped me'"

When she said “you can’t save anyone” its because only you can save yourself. You’re the one doing the hard work, not us. You’re fighting daily, you’re changing yourself, and we’re only offering guidance and encouragement. Ofc, not to diminish the worth and work a therapist does, but we all know that it’s the client who works the hardest.

You can only save yourself.

Something else was... learning to distance yourself. You can’t allow yourself to be so affected. You have to learn to shed the empathy that’ll make you carry others’ burdens, because it’ll harm your ability to effectively counsel. 

Every counselor I know has told me they’ve had someone die on them. A child. A client. They’ve had clients give up, relapse, get worse, and it’s just. You can’t reach into them and help right the hurt. You sit there and you try but. You can’t.

You can’t love away mental illness and you can’t save anyone. 

And, well, that hurts. Because of course I want them to be happy, to be fulfilled, to live life at their greatest.