#nbhdjo

Fuck! I used to be so social. Literally I could spark a convo with anyone and it'd be good. I wish I could find someone who I could mostly listen to. I honestly just hate myself to the point where I don't look forward to the questions about me. There's really nothing interesting here. But then again, nobody wants to spend time with someone who isn't interesting. I guess that's why I'm alone. I guess that's why I'm here.

I feel like all of the people I used to go to school with are so focused on how they look or if they're "having the best time possible". I get it, life is short, but that doesn't mean you have to ignore the people in your life that have known you want want you to succeed. But you can't reach your full potential if you're living life to impress people. If you live your life in order to create yourself & truly be happy then you could make the most out of this short time we have here on earth. People can't just cut everyone off, expect everyone to still be down for them & then be rude to the ones trying to cheer you up. I don't HAVE to help. Shot I don't even HAVE to care... But I do. Bc I care for people too much. But it's sometime that I love about myself.

When I met you everything has changed for me. My first love. I couldn't believe how lucky I was. She was the most beautiful girl in my eyes. I wanted to do everything with this girl. I felt like nothing could stop me, not when I had her holding my hand. We would talk so much, I was hooked. With every word I became more interested. & we loved, laughed & cried. Looking back we hurt each other so much. So much more than we needed to. I blame myself honestly. Holding on to something way to strong. I think about you and texting you, telling you that I've opened my eyes & how I want things to be different. But I remind myself that I need to accept that there is no more love here.

I haven't had any sleep. These long ass drives are breaking me down. I though about someone else this time. Someone who understands. I'll see how this goes.

Last night you came by with our child. You told me you would hurt me & ran away. I know I shouldn’t be stuck on you. It’s better if you didn’t find out though. You can’t stand the thought of being with someone like me so I save myself the embarrassment from approaching you.