#nb patton

Patton sighed, staring into the mirror. They had on pale blue swim trunks and a white tank top, and their bag with sunscreen, snacks, water, and towels was by the front door. Logan was the first person they came out to when they realized they were nonbinary, and Logan had supported them through it all; through coming out to their parents, and even by buying them their first nonbinary flag, the one that hung proudly over their bed. 

And now, Patton thought they were ready to finally tell Logan how they felt. They thought that maybe being separated by distance for college would help them get over him, but it had only made them miss and crave the touch of their best friend even more. And so, Patton figured if they told Logan today and it went poorly, then they could finally move on. Even at the risk of losing the most important person in their life. 

When they got to the beach, they set up their towel, applied sunscreen, and laid in the sun for a bit, gazing out at the sparkling sun on the water. Maybe they’d tell Logan how they feel when they were in the water, so if the waves were too loud and Logan couldn’t hear, it would be okay. And they’d be able to move on.

“Hi, Patton,” Logan’s voice was there, and Patton looked up to see him wearing a long-sleeved black rash guard and dark blue swim shorts. Patton leapt to their feet and enveloped their best friend in a big hug, holding him closely.

“Hi, Lo! I missed you so much,” they said, practically clinging to Logan. Logan let out a low laugh, prying Patton off of him, then set his bag and towel down next to Patton’s.

“I missed you too,” he said quietly, adjusting his glasses; Patton noticed the thin sheer of sunscreen over Logan’s skin, and smiled against his shoulder. “Shall we sit for a moment or would you like to go play in the water?”

“Let’s sit for a bit, okay?” Patton stepped back from Logan’s embrace, though a bit hesitantly, and sat on their towel. Logan spread his towel out right next to Patton’s and sat down, one of his legs stretched out in front of him. The pair sat in silence for a few moments, Patton a bit fidgety but so happy that they were sitting beside their best friend. They glanced over to see Logan staring out at the ocean. “Whatcha thinking about?”

“Hm?” Logan blinked, then smiled faintly, still looking straight ahead. “Oh, I read a book about oceans and beaches last night. So I was thinking about some of the facts that I read about. Would you like to hear a few?”

“Oh, sure, Lo!” Patton smiled brightly at him, eyes still focused on the profile of Logan’s face. Patton always loved listening to Logan’s rambles about facts, regardless of the subject. Sometimes they’d listen to Logan’s facts late at night, and they’d fall asleep to the comforting sounds of his voice. Some people think that ocean waves are the most soothing noise, but Patton? Their calming sound of choice would always be Logan’s voice.

“Well… oceans cover a little bit more than 70% of the Earth. And while most sandy beaches are made of silica or mineral quartz, there are all kinds of beaches,” Logan explained, and Patton smiled, leaning back on their hands, still watching Logan intently. “There are beaches with white or yellow sands like this one, but beaches in other parts of the world, especially near volcanoes like in Hawaii, there are black sand beaches that are made of lava.” Logan finally glanced over at Patton, noticing them staring at him. ‘What is it?”

“Oh, um…” Patton flushed bright red, but they decided to be a little bit brave. “I was just thinking that I always thought that the sound of the waves was relaxing, but… your voice is better.” Logan’s ears turned red, and he cleared his throat, rubbing the back of his neck. 

“O-Oh…” Logan didn’t say much other than that, and Patton worried that they’d upset him in some way. The pair sat in silence for a few moments, then Patton got onto their feet, their hands on their hips.

“Come on, Lo. Let’s go stand in the waves for a bit,” they suggested, smiling down at him. Logan nodded and got to his feet as well, and the pair walked down the sand bank until they got to where the waves were coming up. “Lo?” Patton was feeling a bit brave.

“Hmm?”

“Will you hold my hand while we’re in the waves? I don’t want to fall like last time,” they said, and Logan nodded as if he was remembering that moment. It was the previous summer, their last trip to the beach before leaving for school; Patton had gotten knocked over by a wave, and they ended up swallowing a bunch of sea water. Luckily, Logan was able to help them up and onto the shore so that they could regain their breath. Logan was always there for them when they needed him.

“Oh, sure thing,” Logan held his hand out, and Patton wanted to jump for joy, but resigned themselves to just linking their fingers with Logan’s. They stepped forward so that their toes met the cool water.

“Don’t let go, okay?” They whispered, stepping closer to Logan, who squeezed Patton’s hand. “Ever,” they whispered that final word so quietly, hoping that Logan wouldn’t hear. He didn’t make any indication that he heard.

“I won’t, Pat,” Logan responded, and Patton wished that he meant the ever part, too. The pair slowly stepped further into the ocean, their hands linked as if eternally, the cool water slowly rising up past their ankles and to their knees. “You know, in the original version of The Little Mermaid, the mermaid turns into seafoam when she doesn’t meet the sea witch’s demands of killing the prince,” Logan said quietly, reaching his free hand under the waves, trying to catch some of the foam. “She doesn’t end up with the prince.”

“That’s sad,” Patton whispered, their eyes lingering to watch Logan, who gazed out further at the sea, as if in deep thought. “Not much of a fairytale.”

“Hmm, no,” Logan mused, a playful smile on his face. “She doesn’t stay seafoam forever, though. She becomes a daughter of the air, able to watch the man she loves for all of eternity,” he explained. Patton frowned deeper, not liking that option either. But they didn’t have time to discuss it more, as Logan swept his spare hand through the water, splashing Patton’s chest.

“Hey!” Patton giggled, using their free hand to splash Logan back. “You know splashing is against the rules, Lo!”

“What rules? We didn’t agree on any rules prior to stepping foot into the ocean,” Logan smirked a little bit, and Patton thought that they would swoon, the way that they were being looked at by the man they loved. Logan didn’t splash Patton again, though, and the two stood in the waves, moving along, gazing at the sparkles on the surface of the water.

“It’s a beautiful day,” Patton murmured, leaning their head against Logan’s shoulder, their feet sinking into the sand a bit. “Lo?”

“Hmm?” Logan made a noise, indicating that he was paying attention, and Patton figured that then would need to be the right time. They took a deep breath, gazing up at their best friend, the way he was so enthralled with watching the waves come closer and crash behind them. But then they remembered that if Logan didn’t feel the same way, they could lose him forever, and they didn’t want to ruin the beach day, either. 

If Logan didn’t feel the same… there were only three options that they would pay attention to. Option one, Logan felt the same way and the two entered into a happy relationship (Patton didn’t want to think about what would happen if things went poorly). Option two, Logan didn’t feel the same, but still wanted Patton in his life and Patton would finally get over Logan. Option three, Logan doesn’t know how to respond and needs time to process.

That hidden fourth option taunted Patton, but… Patton was an optimist, after all.

“Remember when we went to Disney last year? And we had just gotten off of Space Mountain, and there was this couple in front of us holding hands?” Patton had thought about this moment a lot. It was something they had run in their mind over and over again, trying to dissect it, figure out what Logan meant by all of it. Was it the merch that the couple was wearing? Patton couldn’t remember the situation, just the words. Always the words. “You said that in an alternate reality, that could be us.” Logan inhaled sharply, but said nothing. “Why does that have to be an alternate reality, Lo? What if… what if I want that in this reality?” They sighed, lifting their head from Logan’s shoulder. “I’ve tried so hard to not want it, because you’re my best friend and I… can’t lose you. And I thought that being separated from you would help, but… it’s only made me realize how far I’ve fallen in love with you.” Patton closed their eyes tightly, ready to pull their hand away from Logan’s and run back to shore and go home to hide under the blankets for weeks. But Logan squeezed Patton’s hand.

“I said what I said because I thought…” Logan started, and Patton glanced up, meeting his eyes. “I thought you would never feel that way about me, Patton. I thought that I was going to be resigned to being your best friend forever, and I was okay with that, but… I had to say something. And nothing came from it, so I figured…”

“I was hungry and tired, Lo, I wasn’t thinking straight, I mean, I never am, but especially around you,” Patton was starting to get flustered, their hand slipping out of Logan’s grasp. “I’m awkward and fumbly and when you say stuff like that I don’t know how to respond— wait,” it finally hit them what Logan had said. “You… feel that way about me, too?” Logan sighed exasperatedly, nodding as he tightened his grasp on Patton. 

“Yes, Patton,” he whispered, pulling Patton closer to him. “I have for so long. You know how I am with feelings, though… I don’t understand them as well as you do. Still, I am proud of myself for realizing it as early on as I did,” Logan adjusted his glasses, and Patton laughed a little. They turned to face Logan, ensuring they had stable footing and that there weren’t any large waves coming. They pressed their forehead to Logan’s.

“I’ve dreamt of our first kiss for years, Lo, I just…” Patton breathed out, and Logan inhaled with them. “What if it’s terrible?”

“It’s us, Pat. It won’t be,” Logan said reassuringly, and put it to the test by leaning in and allowing their lips to finally meet, their glasses clashing a bit awkwardly as the waves hit Patton’s back. Patton wrapped their arms around Logan’s neck, pulling him closer to them.