#naughty bits

“Ηow many dresses does a governess need?”

“No, not for me. For the children. I want to make them some play clothes.”

“The von Trapp children don't play. They march.”

Lance stifled a yawn, trying his best not to look like he was bored; not that he was anything but bored. He knew it had been his idea to invite Herbert over, since his mother was visiting her great-aunt two towns over who had suddenly fallen ill, and it had been him to suggest that Herbert should pick a movie for them to watch. He never would’ve guessed his boyfriend would choose one of the longest, most tedious movies on the face of the Earth.

He had never been that much into musicals. Robin had tried countless times to make him understand the many wonders about musical theater, but it just wasn’t his cup of tea. And he had seen that movie before, courtesy of his mother and her love for anything old-fashioned. Still, he wanted to indulge Herbert. They had been dating for a little over a month and the last thing Lance wanted was to disappoint him.

He glanced down at his boyfriend, who had at some point during the movie nuzzled against his chest. The blond had both his arms wrapped around his torso in a tight embrace, almost as if he were afraid he would disappear.

Lance couldn’t help but smile fondly at him. The blond had made such a difference in his life. Herbert would always say that Lance had helped him come out of his shell and made him a better person, but Lance felt like Herbert had been the one to make him better. In a way, he had rescued him.

He gently leaned down and kissed the top of his head, Herbert’s golden curls feeling like silk against his skin. The blond lifted his gaze from the TV screen to glance up at his boyfriend, his blue irises shimmering like sapphires under the moonlight.

“What was that for?” asked Herbert, a playful grin across his lips.

“For being the ray of sunshine that brightens my life every day.” He replied, immediately wondering how he had managed to come up with such a cheesy line on the spot.

It proved to have the desired effect, for soon he noticed that Herbert’s eyes had begun to tear up.

“Shit, was that too much?” he began to panic. “I’m so sorry, I’m really bad at this kind of –”

He was silenced by Herbert’s lips crashing against his and his small hands cupping his cheeks. Lance instinctively wrapped his arms around his boyfriend, entangling his fingers into his blond locks.

“That was the loveliest thing anyone has ever said to me.” Herbert declared as he pulled away, his cheeks now a bright shade of red.

“I meant every word.” Said Lance as he tenderly caressed the blond’s cheek. “I really –”

“I love you.”

The otherwise chatty offensive tackle suddenly found himself speechless. His whole body went numb at the mere utterance of those three simple words, the only part of him that still possessed any feeling being his heart, which skipped a beat.

“Oh dear, I hope that wasn’t too soon.” Herbert muttered, mostly to himself. “I’ve wanted to say it for a while, and now it just slipped ou—”

He was cut off by Lance’s strong arms enveloping him in a tight embrace, the tightest he could manage without hurting the blond’s fragile body. Herbert’s head was pressed against his chest, and he could now hear the rapid beating of his boyfriend’s heart.

“I love you, too.” Lance whispered, his voice shaky from sudden the overload of emotions.

Herbert smiled and wrapped his arms around him, allowing the brunet’s heat to envelop his body. They exchanged another passionate kiss before settling back to their viewing positions, just in time to see Fraulein Maria begging Colonel von Trapp for some material with which to make new clothes for the children.

“I simply hate this part.” Herbert suddenly declared with a pout. “She’s going ruin those lovely curtains!”

“Yes, but she does manage to make some decent-looking clothes out of them.” Lance countered, hating himself for remembering that detail.

“I know, but the curtains!” Herbert whined playfully.

“Well, what can you do?” Lance shrugged. “They probably didn’t think that would ruin the mise en scène.”

He suddenly felt Herbert’s body shudder against his own and his small hand tightly clutch his t-shirt. Lance gave him an inquisitive look, to which the blond just sat up straight and hugged his legs against his chest.

“Is something the matter?” Lance cocked a brow at his boyfriend’s sudden mood shift.

“No, of course not!” Herbert chuckled nervously. “Why would there be?”

“Well, it’s weird that I was just saying that taking those curtains away would ruin the mise en scène, and then you –”

Herbert bit his lip to muffle an impending whimper, hugging his legs tighter against himself.

Lance observed his boyfriend, now more confused than ever. He didn’t understand what was it that he had said or done to make Herbert so uncomfortable all of a sudden. The blond’s cheeks were flushed, he was squirming uncontrollably and… rubbing his thighs together.

…oh!

“Wait a minute…” Lance couldn’t help but grin deviously at the sudden realization. “Am I turning you on?”

“What?! Don’t be absurd!” Herbert exclaimed defensively, his cheeks reddening even more.

“Don’t deny it! It turns you on when I speak French, doesn’t it?” Lance teased, inching closer to the mortified blond.

“You’re being ridiculous.” Herbert huffed and faced away from him.

“Alright. Then it won’t bother you if I say things like…”

Lance leaned in Herbert’s direction, stopping only when his lips were mere inches away from the blond’s ear.

“…omelette du fromage.” He whispered seductively into his ear.

Herbert’s whole body trembled and he had to hold onto the edge of the couch to steady himself, his fingers sinking into the upholstery with such force that his knuckles whitened. Lance took advantage of the closeness between them to pepper Herbert’s neck with kisses, occasionally nibbling at the blond’s sensitive skin, all the while uttering words in his second language.

“Concierge… Renaissance… Vinaigrette… Croissant…”

It didn’t take long until Herbert became a writhing, whimpering mess. He had to bite down on his fist to keep himself from moaning. Lance wondered just how much longer the blond would last.

“Allons enfants de la Patr—oof!”

He got his answer right away, when Herbert shoved him against the back of the couch with a strength Lance never thought he had in him. He watched wide-eyed as the blond straddled him and hungrily attacked his lips, pressing their bodies together in a desperate attempted to get as much physical contact as possible. Herbert was clutching the fabric of his t-shirt so tightly that Lance was sure it would rip in no time.

Now it was Lance’s turn to blush. He must’ve pushed Herbert over the edge for the usually mousy boy to be acting so impulsively. It was a side of him Lance had no idea existed. It was bold, confident… and oh, so sexy.

When Herbert pulled away, his cheeks were beet-red and he was panting as if he had just run a marathon. Lance could see lust in his half-lidded eyes and feel the heat emanating from his face, although that wasn’t the only place he could feel heat emanating from.

The blond seductively licked his lips, an action which made Lance’s heart throb, along with another part of his body.

“I want you.” Herbert stated, his voice dripping with desire.

Lance felt a whole new feeling wash over him like a tidal wave. It felt similar to an adrenaline rush, but somehow a lot more powerful. It made him want to do things he never imagined in wildest dreams, and he wanted to do them all to Herbert.

With this new and powerful emotion taking over all of his being, he grabbed his boyfriend by the shoulders and proceeded to kiss him in the exact same way the blond had done to him. His tongue sneaked between the Herbert’s lips and found his, the two appendages dancing together in a lustful frenzy. One of Lance’s hands slid the fabric of Herbert’s sweater downwards to expose his milky-white shoulder, which he proceeded to attack with his mouth.

“Herbert?” he murmured as he nipped at the blond’s sensitive skin.

“Hmm, yes…” Herbert moaned, although Lance wasn’t completely certain if had been an actual response or just a vocalization of his yearning.

“Can we maybe turn off the movie?” he asked, gazing up to look his boyfriend in the eyes. “I’m not sure how well I’ll be able to… ‘perform’, with Julie Andrews singing about raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens.”

Herbert gave him a wicked smirk as he pulled his sweater over his head and tossed it in the direction of the TV, where it landed right over the screen. Now they could hear the movie, but they couldn’t see it.

“…that’ll work.” Lance gulped before Herbert pushed him into a horizontal position and proceeded to press their lips together once more.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Thanks for the lift.” Said Robin as he and Olivia exited the elevator. “Of all the days for my car to break down…”

“Not a problem.” His girlfriend beamed as they walked down the corridor in the direction of Lance’s apartment. “Although I don’t really understand why you couldn’t wait till Monday to get your outfit back.”

“I have a dress rehearsal in the morning. And besides, it’s a limited-edition Gomez Addams suit. Lance borrowed it for Halloween last year and forgot to return it.”

“Gotta admire your dedication.” Olivia chuckled, making her boyfriend blush.

As they reached Lance’s door, Robin raised a hand to knock, but stopped abruptly and his face contorted in a confused expression.

“What’s wrong?” Olivia inquired, cocking at a brow at his sudden halting.

“Do you hear that?” he inquired, moving closer to the door to listen more attentively.

Olivia mimicked his movement, now able to make out the music coming from inside the apartment, along with rhythmic thumping and… moaning?

“Do, a deer, a female deer… Re, a drop of golden sun…”

“Is that… The Sound of Music?” Olivia winced.

“I believe so. Although I wouldn’t know why Lance would be watching it. He hates that kind of movies.” Robin commented as he pressed his hear against the hardwood surface of the door. “And I certainly don’t recall the von Trapp children sounding so –”

He immediately backed away from the door as if it had some sort of contagious disease, his eyes widening and face paling as realization dawned on him.

“We have to go.” He simply stated, causing Olivia to glare at him as if he’d gone mad.

“Seriously?” she exhaled. “You came all this way at 10pm on a Friday, determined to get your suit back, and now you’re just gonna give u—”

“Tu es si serré et si délicieux, mon chéri!”

“Oh, LANCE!”

Olivia’s jaw dropped and Robin blushed furiously at the sudden outburst coming from inside the apartment. The brunette’s astonished expression soon turned into one of amusement, a devious grin spreading across her face.

“Way to go, Herbert.” Olivia snorted as her boyfriend gave her an outraged look.

“We’re leaving.” He insisted, grabbing hold of her hand and pulling her down the hallway in the direction of the elevator.

“The hills are alive, alright.” She snickered.