Fuck #EmotionalStress!!! I just want my appetite back. I have never paid attn to how little I’m eating in my life! All I ate yesterday was green beans and a lil corn. This morning I had a breakfast bar and hopefully I can eat these green beans and corn. I’m tryna drink this smoothie so, I don’t faint. I have never felt so weak and not been actually sick in my life. Gawd.. I may need to buy myself a chef or something. I really feel so freaking awful. I’m tired most of the day. Sometimes I feel like I’m using sooo much energy to just stand and walk. I burst into random cries. Im@at work freaking out cuz I’ll have to probably rehash what happened this past week and weekend. I’m totally drained... my body feels so freakin heavy! I should’ve just called off. I really don’t feel comfortable being in public alone. I almost went to my family’s again. Ugh. The drive there and back takes sooo much energy and gas from my car. I still need to go dry my clothes tonight. I’m absolutely exhausted. I have sooooo much hw to do. About 3 more teachers to contact. I just want to eat a regular meal and not be surprised I ate so much. 1 meal. That’s my goal by the end of this week. This crying shit is exhausting and annoying as hell. I’m always like “Honor how you feel.”, “#SelfCare” and #MentalHealthAwareness, but this shit is HARD! I’m thankful af I practice what I preach when shit is better for me so, I’m just naturally working on it now that I’m low af. But #healing isn’t always cuteness and crystal altars, Tibetan bells, incense or whatever so called spiritual ish ppl like to think. It’s constant reflection and change. It’s therapy and counseling. It’s hard looks at yourself, your decisions, environment and folx you have in your inner circle. Hard shit. I’m just tryna figure out my life. I still don’t get it. Something isn’t sitting right with me and I want closure!!! I know I was tryna be mature and learn to live without seeking closure but I feel like a huge boulder in the middle of the ocean about to drown. What’s a rock doing in the middle of the ocean? Why does the ocean have so many freaking directions and tides all at the same damn time? #Naseau https://www.instagram.com/p/CAWAIQFJbQi/?igshid=1ui1r3ik68ia1
