How strange it feels...
To be haunted by someone who is still alive. My thoughts drift back, really far back. I was 16 and we had just started our long distance relationship. He was everything I thought I ever would want or need. He would ask for pictures of me and when I sent them, he would gush over how beautiful I was. He would tell me how much he loved me. He would send me gifts. He would send me a good morning text every day. We would fall asleep on the phone together every night. He would tell me all his plans for us. Oh I felt so much love for this boy. He loved and protected me as the years went by. It wasn't until we were married when I realized that he had hidden who he really was. He changes so quickly that it shocks me. No soft words or touches. The yelling, oh god the yelling goes on for hours and hours. It makes me feel helpless and trapped. The physical abuse is on a much smaller scale. He would grab my wrist a little too tight, push me down, or slap me. Sometimes I just want him to hit me. I feel like it would hurt less then the words... How can it all be the same person?
