WHY NARCISSISTS WANT CHILDREN đŻđŻâď¸đ
It Attracts A Lot Of Attention. Narcs Need Attention Far More Than Most People And Will Use Almost Anything To Get It Even Children And What Better Way Is There To Get Everyoneâs Attention? Narcs Are Impulsive And Donât Think Through Consequences So Theyâre Often Blind As To How Big A Commitment Children Are, Preferring To Focus On The Adulation Instead. Narcs Know That Word Travels Fast And If They Have An Ex They Want To Get At, They Might Have Children Just To Hurt Them. Especially If They Know That They Wanted Children Themselves. Thatâs How Petty They Can Be.
Narcs Hate Being Single And Certainly Donât Welcome Someone Dumping Them. Thatâs Their Job So They Use Children As Insurance. Narcs Know That Itâs More Difficult To Leave Them If They Share Children. Because Their Partners, Who Are Usually Empathic, Think Of Their Childrenâs Needs Before Their Own And Although May Be Unhappy In Their Relationship, Stay To Keep The Family Together. With Children In The Equation, Itâs A Whole Different Ball Game. Because A Split Affects Them More Than The Couple And Many People Donât Want To Be Responsible For Tearing A Childâs Family Apart. So Theyâre More Likely To Stay With The Narc Even If Theyâre Unhappy.
Increasing The Pressure To Stay In The Relationship Allows The Narc To Treat Their Partners Worse And Get Away With It. Narcs Learn How Far They Can Push Their Partners, Without Quite Pushing Them Away. They Learn Their Breaking Point And Push Them Just Bellow That Point. This Allows Them To Take As Much As They Can, Yet Keep Them Around So They Can Take Some More, Giving Them The Most Bang For Their Buck. The Breaking Point Is Likely To Be Much Higher When Children Are Involved Because No Right Minded Person Would Split A Family Over A âMinor Incidentâ, Which Narcs Are Experts At Making Them Seem. So The Bar Is Raised As To What Behaviours Would Spell An End To The Relationship, Allowing The Narcs To Get Away With More.
Even If The Relationship Ends, Children Still Play A Useful Role For The Narc. Because For 18 Years, The Narc Has Access To Their Former Partner And They Have The Law On Their Side. They Can Disappear And Do What They Want. Then When Things Turn Sour, Come Marching Back âFor The Sake Of The Children". Narcs Donât Particularly Care About Seeing Their Children. Which Is Why They Often Have Long Absences From Them, But Theyâre A Great Tool To Use To Get Their Feet Back Under The Table. Most Well Meaning Parents Wonât Deny Their Children Seeing The Other Parent. Even If Theyâve Disappeared For A While. This Allows The Narc To Dip In And Out Of Their Life. And Work Their Charm If They Want Some Action. If The Narc Has Children With More Than One Partner, Then Itâs Party Time. Because They Can Flit Between Several Peoples Lives. And When They Grow Bored, Discard Them And Move To Another.
Narcs See Their Children As Extensions Of Themselves And Some Want Children So They Can Live Through Them And Push Them To Accomplish What They Never Did. So They May Push Their Children To Become Doctors, Lawyers, Actors, Singers, Etc. Regardless Of What The Child Wants For Themselves And This Can Cause Problems Later In Life. It Can Be Like Fitting A Square Peg Into A Round Hole. People Need To Find Their Own Way, Based On Their Own Strengths, Weaknesses And Interests, But The Narc Is Too Focused On Their Own Ambitions To Consider This And Relentlessly Push Their Own Agenda.
The Narc Usually Takes Credit For Any Success The Child Has And Claims Itâs Their Genes And Good Parenting Thatâs Responsible. To Outsiders They May Seem Like A Proud Parent, But The Only Pride They Really Have Is In Themselves. They See Children As A Boost To Their Profile. Because In Their Mind It Shows How Virile And Desirable They Are. Some Narcs See Children As A Numbers Game. The More They Have, The Greater They Must Be. So They Try To Have As Many Children As Possible, Despite Being Absent Parents.
Narcs Donât Usually Have Strong Parental Instincts, So They Leave Most Of The Parenting To Their Partners And This Works Out Great For Them. Narcs Like To Saddle Their Partners With Children Because It Keeps Them Under Lock And Key. The Narc Knows That Their Partner Has Little Freedom When Theyâre Almost Solely Responsible For The Children And It Keeps Them Safely Tucked Away At Home Whilst They Swan Around Without A Care In The World. Parenting Is Draining And Narcs Like To Play The Energy Game With Their Partners. This Is Where They Tire Them Out Whilst Preserving Their Own Energy. This Allows Them To Dominate Their Fatigued Partner Because They Have Less Mental And Physical Strength To Fight Back.
Although Narcs Do Little Actual Parenting, The Outside World Doesnât Know This And The Narc Talks A Good Game To Friends, Family And Co-workers, Creating The Impression Theyâre Doting Parents And Normal Functioning Members Of Society. Narcs Hide Behind A Family Persona To Disguise Their Dysfunctional Ways And It Can Work Wonders For Their Image And Reputation. Narcs Love People Thinking Highly Of Them. Itâs An Ego Boost For One And It Also Helps Them Gain Attention And Favours Because People Are More Willing To Trust And Spend Time With People Who Are High Functioning. Narcs See Everyone Around As An Extension Of Themselves Rather Than As Separate Individuals. This Includes Their Own Children.
There Are Several Mistakes The Narc Parent Is Certain To Make During Their Counter-Parenting Journey. These Mistakes Will Undoubtedly Come Back To Haunt Them, Possibly Years Down The Line. Narcs Are So Self-absorbed They Fail To Stop And Consider That Children Eventually Grow Up And See The Damaging Behaviour With Their Own Eyes. Their Children Are Not Immune From Being At The Receiving End Of The Narc's Cycle Of âidealise And Devalueâ, Where They Are Alternately Lovebombed, (Showered With Praise And Attention), And Then Subtly Devalued, Criticised, Withdrawn From And Put Down. This Leaves Them Confused And Hurt, And They Start Jumping Through Hoops To Please The Parent Enough To Re-Enter The Idealization Phase Again. This Is A Cycle That Repeats Ad Infinitum, Over And Over Again, Even When The Child Becomes An Adult Themselves.
Narcs' Children Will Be Triangulated And Played Off Against Others (Often Their Own Siblings Or Cousins), And Will Find Themselves Vying For The Narcâs Attention. They Will Be Gaslighted/Lied To By The Narc To The Point Where They Their Own Reality Is Dismissed As False, So That They Stop Trusting Their Own Perceptions Of Reality. They Will Be Demeaned And Shamed. If They Are Particularly Good At Something, Behind Closed Doors They May Find Themselves On The Receiving End Of The Narc Parentâs Jealously. Confusingly, The Narc May Then, In Front Of An Audience, Hold Up Their Childâs Talent As A Source Of Pride, As Just Another Way To Gain Positive Attention For Themselves.
Itâs Not Surprising That Narcs Want Children For Selfish Reasons. Everything Else In Their Life Revolves Around Them, So Why Should This Be Any Different? But Itâs Easy For Their Partners To Be Fooled Into Thinking That They Want Them For The Right Reasons, Especially When The Narcissist Knows What To Say. Narcs May Talk Romantically About How Children Will Bring Them Closer And How Much Joy Theyâll Bring, Which Is All Very Appealing, But When The Children Arrive, The Harsh Reality Kicks In. The Narc Becomes More Narc Because They Can Get Away With It And Spends Little Time And Energy On Their Children Because Theyâre Still Hyper Focused On Themselves. Despite All The Promises They Made, The Sad Truth Is That Even With Children, Narcs Want Everything To Revolve Around Them And Theyâre Happy To Take The Focus Away From Their Children Because Deep Down, Theyâre Big Kids Themselves.
In Short, And To Put It Bluntly, Narcs Do Not Have What It Takes To Be Good Parents. They Cannot Put Anotherâs Needs First.
