#namjoon reader

Sorry got a bit excited 🤣

Warnings: dirty talk, slightly rough sex, praise, and creampie

Namjoon smiled to himself as he leaned against the entryway to the kitchen, watching as you struggled to reach something on the top shelf. You were really starting to struggle and as his eyes scanned your body, he couldn't help but to notice the little shorts that were riding up, showing just the slightest hint of the underside of your ass.

While going through a painful but necessary breakup, you meet someone who is patient, kind, and understanding; everything your last ex was not.

Or is he?

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💙 Taehyung x Female Reader, Namjoon x Female Reader (kind of)

💙 word count: 3.8k + images of text conversations

💙 college au, text message au, strangers to lovers, yandere, hurt/comfort, smut, fluff, angst, slow burn, slash, poly, major character injury & death, graphic violence, nsfw, 21+

💙 warnings: being very, very high on mdma, kissing the enemy, use of a knife as a weapon, lots of blood, mild gore, minor character death

💙 note: if you like to set the mood with music but i was listening to the album Becoming X by Sneaker Pimps while writing this chapter.

💙 written parts beta read by @neoneunnajimin

💙 posted dec. 2021 | read on ao3

The only word you can find to describe how you feel is "euphoric." 

And it is not that you forgive Taehyung for what he's done to you and Yoongi. You hate him. You despise his guts and regret ever letting Hana talk you into seeing him. You regret breaking up with Jungkook rather than trying to work through your issues. If you could trade Taehyung right now to have both of them back, you would do it in a heartbeat. No questions asked. And you tell Taehyung all of this while hitting him softly on the arm and giggling like mad. 

He smells so good, so fresh and floral and citrusy, and you bury your face against Taehyung's shoulder while you ramble and ramble about how he was the worst mistake of your life, how you would kill him with your own two hands if you thought you could. You are emphatic and sad and furious, and you feel like you are floating on cloud fucking nine.

as the man at the top, kim namjoon has almost everything he wants. almost. could a familiar face from the past change his future?

Chapter One: How Odd

Chapter Two: Incheon Mall Tube Tops

Final Chapter: Is Something Burning?

Epilogue: Better Than Okay

Namjoon x Reader (OC)

Summary: Life has a weird way of bringing us to dead ends. Sometimes there are no signs or warnings telling us not to go in a specific direction. Other times, there are blaring lights and words written in neon fonts telling us to change our path. Will Namjoon and Maya end up regretting the path they took?

Genre: Angst, Fluff

Previous Part: Chapter 31 Next Part: Chapter 33

Life has a weird way of bringing us to dead ends. Sometimes there are no signs or warnings telling us not to go in a specific direction. Other times, there are blaring lights and words written in neon fonts telling us to change our path. The latter was the case for Namjoon and Maya. Both knew the ending to their story would be bad. They knew there was no way to change their fate, yet they ignored the signs, the visions, and continued taking the wrong steps at each point.

And now, Namjoon, Jimin, and Yoongi were standing in front of an irreversible dead end.

When Namjoon finally found the room with Maya, he froze at the entrance. He was not seeing Maya. He was seeing a corpse. A badly injured corpse. And when he looked at his feet a stream of blood had surrounded him. In the background, the tape of Maya’s words kept replaying. “JOON….JOON….DON’T COME HERE! DON’T COME HERE, I BEG YOU!!!” “PLEASE….LISTEN TO ME….PLEASE DON’T COME  HERE!!”

Yes, those were the words Maya had said earlier when the mysterious person with automated voice on the phone said they would give the phone to a human. Namjoon realized now that when he was talking to Maya on the phone, he was not actually talking to her. Yes, it was her voice, but it wasn’t her. It was a tape. They had recorded her voice on a computer and put her voice on loop in the background. In fact, her lifeless body was just set in a chair like a mannequin, blood coming out of the back of her head.

It hit Namjoon finally, when he saw 2 men standing by Maya’s chair one with a gun in his hand and the other was holding Maya’s limp hand, as if he was preventing her from running away. It was obvious Maya wasn’t breathing. Her eyes were closed and the blood  that was dripping down the back of her neck was increasing.

Maya was dead. Maya was no longer alive.

Namjoon tried to say these words in his head in every possible way, but he just couldn’t comprehend what he was seeing. It was as if his body, his brain, and his soul had dissociated into different entities. He was no longer the Kim Namjoon that he was just seconds ago. That Kim Namjoon was gone alongside Maya.

He heard himself suddenly shouting. He was shouting so loudly but he wasn’t fully aware of what he was saying. He tried to run towards the corpse but was held back by people. Who were these people? Where did they come from?

Suddenly he noticed there were police in the room. The two men were immediately surrounded by the police and Namjoon was being held back by some of  them. They were preventing him from running towards Maya.

Jimin and Yoongi were standing in the back, covering their mouths. It must have smelled bad in the room because there were no windows and Maya had been stuck here for days.

Namjoon collapsed onto his knees, giving up trying to reach towards Maya. Screaming her name. Shouting with every ounce in the body. But then he gave up. He stared at the ground and saw his reflection in the small pool of blood that was surrounding him. His knees and hands were now covered in the blood. The reflection of his face that he often hated so much, became somehow even more unbearable to look at in that moment.

Soon, he heard sirens from the ambulance and saw even more people come into the room. They lifted Maya’s body and put her on a stretcher, carrying her out swiftly. The police had also handcuffed the two men and taken them away.

The room was empty and Namjoon was just sitting there next to the pool of blood. It was silent, except that tape continued to play in the background. His tears were falling on to the floor mixing with the blood. Things started to feel fuzzy. When Namjoon tried to dip his finger in the small pool of blood, he couldn’t. He felt strange all of the sudden.

Suddenly the tape that was playing in the background with Maya’s voice, changed.

“JOON….JOON….CAN YOU HEAR ME? PLEASE...JUST GIVE ME A SIGN….CAN YOU HEAR MY VOICE? IT’S ME...IT’S MAYA…JOON PLEASE WAKE UP!! WAKE UP JOON!!!”

Everything abruptly became black. Namjoon noticed his eyes were closed, but when he tried to open them he couldn’t. It was like he was only half-alive and he did not have control over his body. Where was he? Where was this sound coming from? Was this really Maya? Or was this an illusion?

He couldn’t tell if what he had just seen was real or imaginary. Was this a dream? Was he just dreaming until now? He couldn’t tell if this voice he was currently hearing  was real or imaginary either. Was Maya really next to him? He tried to open his eyes but he couldn’t. His entire body was limp. All he knew was he was laying on something. He couldn’t fully feel anything though. His ability to think was drifting away. Last thing he felt was a familiar touch holding his hand and then his consciousness slipped away.

Again.

4 Days before

“JOON….JOON….DON’T COME HERE! DON’T COME HERE, I BEG YOU!!!” Maya’s voice reverberated through  the dark empty lobby of the apartment building where Namjoon, Yoongi, and Jimin were standing.

“PLEASE….LISTEN TO ME….PLEASE DON’T COME  HERE!!” Maya continued.

Namjoon was stunned. He could barely speak. “Ma-Maya...Ma-Maya…” was all he could mutter.

“Just know I love you...and don’t come— “ Maya’s desperate shouts turned to whispers and suddenly her voice was cut off mid-sentence.

“Now that you’ve heard from our human representative, we hope you are convinced that you should go back” the person with the Siri voice was back.

“Please, please don’t hurt her. I don’t understand...why are you doing this?” Namjoon was somewhere between enraged and completely defeated.

“If I told you my intention then would you believe me?” The voice replied.

Namjoon was about to respond but before he could, the person hung up. Namjoon kept saying “Hello...hello?” But there was no response. Namjoon, Jimin, and Yoongi all looked at each other, it was as if they were almost silently debating whether this was a good idea to go up there.

Then, Yoongi, Jimin, and Namjoon continued to walk into different apartment units, trying to see if anyone was there. And out of nowhere they stumbled upon a random chair outside of a front door on one of the apartments.

“Look over there” Yoongi whispered.

“Why is there a chair outside the door?” Jimin replied.

Before Yoongi could even respond, Namjoon walked past both Jimin and Yoongi towards the apartment. Namjoon recognized the chair from some place. He assumed it was from the visions.

“Namjoon, wait!” Yoongi whispered, but Namjoon ignored and  made his way to the door.

He tried to open the door knob, but it didn’t budge. Namjoon looked over at Jimin and Yoongi with shocked expressions. This was the first door in this building that was locked.

Jimin and Yoongi quietly ran up to catch up with Namjoon.

“Is it locked?” Jimin asked.

Namjoon tried to twist the knob again. The door still didn’t open.

“Namjoon we should tell the police.” Yoongi suddenly warned. “We shouldn’t even be here after that phone call.”

Namjoon didn’t reply. He instead turned around and looked at the door across from the one they were standing at. That door was also closed, but for some reason Namjoon had the urge to go open it.

“Where are you going?” Jimin asked.

Namjoon silently went up to the other door but instead of opening the door, he leaned in as if he was trying to hear what was happening on the other side.

He leaned in closely, and his instinct was right. Namjoon heard some whispers on the other side of the door.

“There is someone inside.” Namjoon whispered extremely quietly to Jimin and Yoongi.

Namjoon reached towards the door knob, but before he could open it, someone opened the door from inside.

“Good evening, Oppa.” An unfamiliar woman stood at the door.

The woman was petite, had long flowing hair that went past her shoulders, and she was wearing a red dress.

“Wha-” Namjoon wasn’t able to finish his sentence before the woman opened the door completely revealing the dark room that was illuminated by a single hanging light. What left Namjoon speechless was the person that was tied to the chair directly under the light. His breath was caught in his throat as he saw the figure more clearly.

“Maya.” The word finally escaped his lips and a tear escaped his eyes.

The woman with the red dress moved out of the way and allowed Namjoon inside. Jimin and Yoongi both opted to stay by the entrance.

“MAYA...MAYA…” Namjoon tried to run up to Maya, but two men appeared from the sides and blocked his way. One man was holding a gun, while the other was holding a knife.

Maya was tied to the chair. Her eyes were only half open and there was tape over her mouth. She looked so weak that she wasn’t able to hold up her own head, she was slouching down, her hair, those long tight curls, were a complete mess. Her face had bruises near her mouth, eyes and head. Her feet were also tied to the chair, as well as her hands. There was blood on her shirt and jeans. Oh God, what had they done to her! Namjoon thought. This was all a million times worse than what he had remembered from the visions. Even worse than what he had imagined. Maya was alive, but she looked as if she wasn’t.

“Oh oppa, I didn’t say you can go near her!” the woman slowly walked up next to Namjoon. Her arms crossed across her chest and a bright smile on her face.

Namjoon clenched his jaw. He wanted to kill that woman and the two men.  He was so tempted to steal that gun from the other man’s hand and shoot them. The anger radiated from his face as he looked over at the woman. The woman continued to smile gently.

“Who are you?” Namjoon asked in a grave voice.

The woman’s expressions suddenly changed at Namjoon’s question. The smile turned into a frown. She looked at him with almost offended expressions. In fact, she started tearing up. She let out a heartbreaking ‘huff’ as if she had just found out that everything she believed in her life was all fake. As if she had just found out someone close to her was dead. Perhaps something was inside of this woman that died in that moment.

“You...you don’t remember me?” the woman asked.

Namjoon shook his head, still enraged. “No. Who are you?”

The woman let out a bitter smile. A small hope still burning inside of the woman, that maybe, just maybe Namjoon would remember her.  “Well, then I guess you must also not remember the day that you received the glass crab ornament I gave you last year.”  

Namjoon looked at her with confused expressions. He shook his head. He had no idea about who this woman was.

“Geez oppa, you could’ve at least lied and said you remembered. You didn’t have to break my heart like that.” The woman replied. Her heart was truly broken. She was devastated more than ever before.

“What are you talking about?” Namjoon answered.

“Jun 14, 2013. You had your first mini fan meeting. That’s when I first met you.” The woman responded. She looked up at Namjoon and nodded “--Ever since then, I have only missed 2 concerts and 1 fan meeting. I have been there for everything with you. I was there when BTS was on the verge of disbandment during their first year, I was there when you won your first award show, I was there when you started dating that witch Ji-Hyu, and then when you announced your break up in that press conference. The first BBMAs, the AMAs, GRAMMYs. I was there through it all. Oh and I almost forgot, I was also there when you met this one.” the woman pointed at Maya.

“...University of Central Arkansas.That’s where you both met.” The woman let out a laugh. “Really, oppa, I never understood this whole thing. She didn’t even get waitlisted for Harvard! Did you know that, oppa? How pathetic! I myself am a Yale graduate.” The woman walked up to Maya, the woman’s heels were clunking against the floor. She pulled Maya’s hair. And Namjoon yelped “DON’T! DON’T YOU DARE TOUCH HER!”

The woman gently let go of Maya’s hair. “Alright, alright I won’t. But you have to admit she looks terrible right now. Doesn’t she? Is this what you want to wake up next to everyday? I thought you’d have better taste in women.” The woman tucked her hair behind her ear.

“What do you want from her and me?” Namjoon asked, his voice was solemn.

“Hmmm, if I asked for what I wanted, would you give it to me? Because I feel like you can’t.” The woman looked up at Namjoon as she walked towards him.

“No, I can get you anything. Do you want money? I can give you money. Just tell me the amount. Are you trying to become an idol? I can make that happen. Just- just tell me what you want and please let go of her.” Namjoon sank down to his knees. Begging for Maya’s life.

“Don’t be ridiculous, oppa. I hate the idol life and I own the building you are standing in right now, so let’s just say I could buy anything I wanted. But as they say, there are some things money can’t buy.” The woman walked away from Namjoon, leaving him still on his knees.

“Then what? What do you want from us?” Namjoon asked desperately.

“I want you, silly.” The woman responded.

Namjoon looked up at the woman.

“Ha! I told you, you couldn’t give me what I want.” The woman said it with a bitter tone. “But you know what, it’s okay. I don’t expect to end up with you...at least not in this life.” The woman continued.

Namjoon gently stood up from the ground and looked over at Maya again. Maya was more awake now, her sleeping pills were wearing off. She shook her head towards Namjoon when they made eye contact. Her eyes were filled with tears.

“If you wanted me, then why are you hurting her?” Namjoon asked.

The woman just laughed. “You must be exhausted because I have never seen you so...slow with things.”

“We can figure something out. Just please let go of Maya. Please!” Namjoon begged one more time.

The woman didn’t respond. At this point it hurt the woman that Namjoon was trying to negotiate his own self for the sake of Maya. It was painful and yet intriguing.

“Alright, how much is she paying to keep Maya here.” Namjoon asked the guards that were surrounding Maya. “I can pay you double if you let go of her.” Both looked at each other and laughed.

Suddenly there were countless footsteps coming from the hallway. And soon the entrance was filled with the people in uniforms.

“Oppa...no!” The woman sighed. “Why did you bring them? You know now we have to kill your beloved Maya.”

“Hands up!” One of the policeman shouted. “If you touch her, we’ll make sure you’ll die as well.”

However, the two men next to Maya didn’t move. They held the  gun against Maya’s head.

“Let go of her.” The policeman shouted, but guards didn’t listen.

“Maya...no, please let go of her!” Namjoon shouted instead of moving as demanded by the police officer.”

“Namjoon-ssi please move out of the way.” one of  the other policeman yelled.

“Please let go of her!” Namjoon went and  stood up in front of the 2 guards that were near Maya. Crying so hard that he could barely speak.

Suddenly the woman shouted “kill her” and the sound of gunshot filled the room. The next few moments seemed to be in slow motion. At first it was unclear who the bullet had hit or where it even came from. It wasn’t until a thud sound filled the room and people’s attention finally landed on the injured person. A bullet had hit Namjoon.

The woman cried out “Nooooo!”

Jimin and Yoongi also yelled from the hallway in sync “NAMJOON!”

Maya also let out a loud sound, frustrated that she couldn’t get out of the chair or even speak. She  leaned forward, causing the chair to fall over with her.

And suddenly from slow motion to a frenzy, the police fired another shot, hitting the man who had a gun on his leg. Forcing him to fall half to the ground and forcing the other man with the knife to walk away from Maya. After that, a few policemen went up to Namjoon to help him, some arrested the woman and the two men working with her, and the rest helped rescue Maya from the chair. They untied Maya from the chair and she crawled over to Namjoon, who at this point had his eyes closed.

“JOON! JOON!!” Maya’s voice came out hoarse as these were first words she had spoken in days. She saw the bullet had hit Namjoon’s neck, blood was gushing  out of the wound. She wanted to hold his head in her lap, to hold him in her arms, but the ambulance had arrived by this time and the police stopped her from being near him, as this was now a crime scene.

Everything after the arrival of the ambulance was even more of a blur. At some point Maya was taken to the hospital and she had fainted while she was in the ambulance. Jimin and Yoongi had notified everyone what had happened and there was a sense of panic throughout BigHit. The boys couldn’t go to the hospital together to see Namjoon or Maya because that would have caused more suspicion for the outside world and the company wanted to make sure no one knew about what was going on.  

Was Maya okay? Was Namjoon even— alive?

1 day after Maya and Namjoon were taken to the hospital

Maya opened her eyes, finding herself surrounded by bright fluorescent lights and white walls. She blinked for a few moments to take in the scene. It took her awhile to realize she was in the hospital, it took her even longer to remember what had brought her there. Our brain tries its best to suppress trauma and Maya’s brain was trying to do the same. The things that she had been through in the past several days were things  most cannot even imagine, don’t have courage to even write about.

A day after the chaos, the police submitted the initial report to BigHit, who had filed the missing complaint for Maya.

To  summarize, so far the police had discovered that Maya was kidnapped by the guard that was supposed to protect her. It turned out the guard was paid by the woman in red, that had met Namjoon at that abandoned apartment. The guard, and 2 other men helped bring Maya to that abandoned building where the woman and the 3 men kept her there for days until Namjoon, Jimin, and Yoongi discovered the building. This building was owned by the CEO of one of Korea’s biggest companies and the woman behind the kidnapping was his daughter. After bringing Maya there, the woman would order her minions to torture Maya in several ways (some too graphic to be mentioned in the report) and kept her tied to the chair. After the first few days the guard that had kidnapped Maya was paid to run away, because the police had found out that he was involved in the kidnapping. The man was still missing.

This summary was all the police provided to BigHit, but this summary was missing one key component: the motive. Perhaps the motive would be something that would be discovered later. For now, BigHit and everyone involved was trying to see if the victims would even survive this traumatic experience.

Meanwhile, slowly Maya gained some idea of where she was and how she had gotten there and for those few moments she laid still in her hospital bed. And as if with a sudden jolt the memory of the bullet hitting Namjoon went through her mind, causing her to immediately sit up in her bed. Maya was severely injured near her lips, rib cage, head, and legs. She had fractured rib cage and leg, preventing her from sitting up entirely. Despite the difficulty she managed to sit up with extreme fear and pain. It hit her finally that the last time she was conscious Namjoon was shot. He was laying on the floor of that infamous room and since then she had no idea what had happened to him. A state of absolute fear took over her. Was her Joon alive? Was that all real? No, he had to be alive. He had to be okay. He was probably waiting for her. She needed to go find him.

Maya looked around in panic, realizing that she was hooked up to an IV. She looked to see if someone was around that could help her get up, as she wasn’t able to properly get up. But there was no one there. She eventually found a button by her bed that would call in a nurse, so she pressed it, but no one came in. Maya became frustrated and pulled out her IV and tried to get up by herself. This was so painful that she stumbled and fell to the ground.

Soon a nurse came running inside to find Maya on the ground trying to get up.

“Ma’am, what are you doing?”

“Where is Namjoon?” Maya responded. She could care less about herself right now knowing that Namjoon might be waiting for her.

“Ma’am, please sit on the bed. Your body is not healed yet.”

“I don’t care. I need to go find him. Where is he? Where is Namjoon?” Maya retorted.

“Please sit down and I will explain.” the nurse replied.

Maya sighed and gently got up with the help of the nurse and sat back in her bed.

“Where is he?” Maya asked once again.

The nurse was silent. Her silence was deafening.

“Please tell me! Where is he?” Maya asked again. Tears were already streaming out of Maya’s eyes.

The nurse was still quiet.

“Nurse, please you are scaring me! Please tell me where my Joon is! Please!” Maya cried.

“He...he is in the ICU. He was shot right at the bridge of his spinal cord and skull. They got the bullet out...but...but he is still in coma. The doctors were saying it’s because the bullet hit right below his reticular formation, and that’s the part of our brain that’s in charge of  consciousness. That’s why he went into coma immediately after the bullet hit him and the rest of his body went into paralysis.”

Maya looked down at her lap. There was a cast around her waist and around her left leg.

“Is he gonna be okay?” Maya asked.

“ — umm...we’re not sure to be honest.”

“I have to go see him.”

“You can’t. He is in the ICU...”

“I am gonna go see him.” Maya ignored the nurse’s explanation.

Maya tried to get up again, but failed.

“Listen. He is in the ICU. We’ll go take you to see him when they bring him out. For now, you need to heal. You have stitches all over your waist and they could get infected if you don’t listen to me.”

“I don’t care. He is here because of me. I have to go see him. Do you not understand that?” Maya forced herself up again, using the help of the bed’s side railing. It hurt like hell, but she was determined.

She walked a few steps to the door, grabbing on to her stomach. The nurse felt defeated.

“Hold on. Let me at least get you a wheelchair.” the nurse suggested.

With the help of the nurse, Maya made it outside the ICU. The doctors were still inside, so Maya wasn’t able to go in. She took a peak at him through the small window on the ICU door. Her face was drenched in tears at this point. Maya was distraught to say the least. Eventually the nurse brought her back to her room and begged her to try and get some rest.

4 days later

The next few days, the cycle repeated. Maya was still in the hospital, and she would wake up and find herself feeling completely disoriented. It would take her a good while before the memories of what had happened would come gushing back through her mind and she would panic and try to go find Namjoon.

The day before, Seokjin, Taehyung, Jungkook, and Yoongi came to see her. For the first few moments things were quite awkward and then she finally talked.

“How are you guys?” Maya asked. Her voice was filled with guilt. She felt guilty that due to her, Namjoon was in this position and the boys also had to suffer.

“We should be asking you that question.” Taehyung responded.

“I am sorry.” Maya replied. Her voice was quivering.

“Maya, I am sorry. I shouldn’t even have let Namjoon talked us into going there. And I only called the police because I didn’t want things to get worse...except I feel like they did anyways” Yoongi responded.

“Don’t be sorry. This whole thing happened because of me. I knew things would end up badly, but I didn’t know he would be the one to get hurt. This wasn’t supposed to happen like this.” Maya frustratingly hit the side of her bed.

“Listen, what happened, happened. Namjoon is strong. He is going to find his way back to you. I know he will.” Seokjin assured. The members were curious why Maya had not told anyone about those threats or why she felt like this was her fault, and they also wanted to ask what she had been through during her time. But they knew these were all questions that were meant to be asked at another time.

The members eventually left after the brief conversation. And Maya was back to feeling the immense dread.

However, after yesterday, Maya was determined to go inside the room where Namjoon was staying and go see him. She had decided she would sneak outside the room during the night. And she did.

Maya stumbled outside with her crutches that she had asked one of the nurses to give her earlier in the day so she could go to the bathroom. And she pretended to go to the bathroom during the night as well. After coming out of the bathroom she asked one of the nurses which room Namjoon was being kept in. She emphasized that she was only curious and then went back to her room.

Later in the night, she snuck outside and went to the room. By this point Namjoon was out of ICU and they were keeping him in one of the observation rooms, waiting to see if he would come out of coma. If he didn’t after a few days, this would put him in critical condition.

Maya gently opened the door to the room where Namjoon was at,  trying to balance her weight on one leg that was still somewhat intact. She managed to get inside after several attempts and then stood there staring at Namjoon. She couldn’t believe what she was seeing, her heart was in more pain than her body.

Slowly she found the courage to walk up to him using her crutches and took a seat by his bed. His eyes were closed and his face was pale. His lips were blue and dry and truth be told, it almost looked like there was no life left in him. Thankfully the monitor showed that his heart was indeed beating, the only thing that was keeping him from being considered dead.

Maya examined him trying to keep her sobs from being too loud, as if somehow her sobs would wake Namjoon up. It was silly to think that, of course. She slowly lifted her hand and gently sweeped her hand over his forehead.

“Joon...Joon can you hear me? Please...just give me a sign...can you hear my voice? It’s me...It’s Maya...Joon please wake up! Wake up Joon!” Maya gently spoke, her voice sounded desperate even though she was almost whispering. She held onto his hand as she spoke, trying to intertwine her fingers between his lifeless ones.

When she spoke she almost felt as if he had heard her voice. She wasn’t sure if what she saw was real, but she thought she saw his eyes twitch just a little bit. So she decided to continue speaking.

“I am sorry, love. I know you are never going to forgive me for this. I should have told you about the threats...I was still mad at you when I started getting the threats again. I had told the police once couple months ago...I mean I had told them about the threats...and guess what they told me! They told me there was no need to worry because I have guards with me at all times. It’s stupid isn’t it?” Maya’s sobs became almost like a bitter laugh. She continued talking like she would usually talk to her Joon.

“When I was in that room...they...they told me you guys won the GRAMMYs. Congratulations, dude! I bet you were so happy. I can’t believe it. All your dreams came true, Joon. I can’t believe I am talking to a GRAMMY winner right now.” Maya tried to speak with some light in her voice, although it was hard to do because her mind suddenly went back to the things she experienced in that room.

Maya tried to distract herself from those thoughts. “Why did you come there? I told you not to. I told you not to come up there. And don’t tell me it’s because you wanted to save me. That’s just silly! You knew from our visions something bad would happen if you came, so why didn’t you listen to me?” Maya was frustrated. It was unfair because Namjoon was not in the state to defend himself.

However, Maya was unaware that Namjoon was able to hear her voice. Yes, the scary scene he had been seeing was in fact a dream he had while in the state of coma. And Maya’s voice had brought him out of that dream, but unfortunately, he wasn’t able to fully wake up from the coma. So now, Namjoon was neither fully awake, nor was he completely unconscious. His mind and body were in completely different pace. He wanted to talk and open his eyes, but his body wasn’t listening to his mind. Therefore, he defeatedly kept listening. He kept listening to Maya’s voice.

“...I feel like you are going to start a fight with me as soon as you wake up. I just know it. I am scared you won’t even talk to me...But I guess I deserve it. You should be mad at me and yell at me. You should. In fact, you should do it now, Joon. Please wake up and yell at me! I beg you! I won’t say anything just yell at me! Please...” Maya plead and  her sobs returned.

Maya spent a few more minutes before feeling intense pain in her head, causing her to feel dizzy. She got up from the bed and tried to go back to her room to call the nurse. Strangely enough as soon as Maya let go of Namjoon’s hand, the heart rate monitor started beeping, triggering an alarm in his room. Maya panicked. “Joon! Joon, what’s going on?”

A group of doctors and nurses rushed inside the room, gently moving Maya aside so they can take a look at what’s going on. Meanwhile, Maya’s headache was getting worse so she shifted herself but could barely keep her balance. One of the nurses saw Maya and gestured her to wait so that the nurse could go get a wheelchair for her.

The nurse quickly brought the wheelchair and asked Maya to sit in the chair but Maya hesitated.

“Don’t worry about him. We’ll take care of him, okay. Please let’s get you to your room so you can rest. Your head is bleeding.” The nurse whispered to her.

Maya sighed and got in the chair and the nurse brought Maya to her room. At some point after that she was given some type of medicine, they fixed the bandage on her head, and the dizziness took the best of her causing her to become unconscious.

Namjoon x Reader (OC)

Summary: Idol Namjoon meets a grad student, Maya, but he experiences strange visions each time their eyes meet and they touch one another. Fate plays a magnetic role, & keeps bringing them together. Are these visions a sign that they should stay away or stay together?

Genre: Angst, Fluff

Previous Part: Chapter Twenty nine Next Part: Chapter Thirty one

Summary: Namjoon tries to find Maya using their visions, but what he discovers is that there are way more puzzle pieces missing in this story than he thinks. Will he be able to save Maya? Or will his attempts just lead him to more dead ends?

2:00 AM - 2nd day after Maya went missing.

As soon as Namjoon landed in Korea, Sejin and him both went straight to Maya’s apartment. It was a futile attempt, but Namjoon just needed to get this part over with to get rid of whatever little hope he had left of magically finding Maya in her own apartment.

As soon as Namjoon got there he saw multiple police cars parked outside, which immediately killed that small flicker of hope of finding Maya. Nonetheless, Sejin waited downstairs as Namjoon went up to her apartment door, where a cop stopped him.

“Sir, glad you are here. We have some questions for you.” The cop said. Of course, the cop knew who Namjoon was and what he was doing there.

“Questions? For me?” Namjoon asked, as he tried to get through the door but was blocked by the cop. Defeatedly, Namjoon looked past the cop  and noticed that there were at least five other cops inside searching every corner of Maya’s small apartment. It finally hit Namjoon just how severe the situation was.

“Yes. We wanted to ask you questions about Ms. Shroff.” the cop answered. “Let’s go outside. We can’t let you go inside right now due to the investigation.”

“Oh okay….yeah…You can ask me anything. Just please find her. Please...”  Namjoon answered. He wanted to help. He was willing to do anything and everything that would bring him his Maya.

Namjoon and the cop came back downstairs, outside by all the police cars. Sejin also caught up with them. Namjoon noticed the neighbors were all looking from their windows, curious about what was going on. Everything seemed so surreal. Just hours ago he was standing on the GRAMMYs stage and now he was standing outside his girlfriend’s apartment talking about his missing girlfriend. It scared him how normal he was acting despite the situation. It scared him how this world was still spinning despite his Maya not being next to him. It reminded him of just how unimportant a human life really was.

“We will try to find Ms. Shroff. Now, how long have you known Maya Shroff?” The cop turned to Namjoon and asked. His face was unreadable to Namjoon.

“Umm...I remember we met in 2016. So, I guess 5 and a half years.”

“Hmm...okay. And I heard you were dating Ms. Shroff. How long was that?”

Namjoon was almost offended at the cop’s use of past tense when referring to his and Maya’s relationship.

“We are still dating. We’ve been for almost 5 years, if you don’t count 2 years when we weren’t technically together. We announced that were dating last year.”

“Interesting. Well, how long have you two been getting the threats? Was this before you started dating or after?” The cop pulled out a small notebook from his pocket and scribbled something before asking the question.

“I am sorry…. what threats?” Namjoon was confused.

“I am talking about the letters and the notes. Do you know anyone who had threatened you before?” The cop asked again. He was speaking as if he expected Namjoon to know about what was going on. But Namjoon didn’t. He had no freaking clue what letters and notes the cop was talking about.

Namjoon’s head started spinning as he tried to make sense of what was going on.  And as if out of nowhere everything around him went black.

8:00AM - 3rd day after Maya went missing.

“Namjoon! Namjoon?!” Manager Sejin was looking at him when Namjoon slowly opened his eyes. His vision was blurry, but he found himself inside his own bedroom.

He slowly sat up in his bed, confused how he got there. “What’s going on? How did I get here?”

Sejin handed him a glass of water. “You fainted outside of Maya’s apartment so we brought you here. It’s morning now. ” Sejin paused.

“Did they find Maya? I just remember the cops saying something about threats...What threats?” Namjoon asked with a sense of emergence in his voice.

Sejin sighed. He contemplated whether to tell Namjoon the whole truth or not. Sejin had caught up with the police and figured out all the logistics of the situation, but he wasn’t sure if Namjoon was ready to know. In the end, Sejin decided there was no point in hiding.

“Namjoon-ah, there is a very strong possibility that Maya has been kidnapped. The last she was seen was at her friend— Uh— “

“Han Bi” Namjoon figured.

“Ah— yes...she was last seen at Han Bi’s house. Apparently the girls had ordered a pizza and then Han Bi went to get it and when she came back, Maya was gone.” Sejin finished saying.

“But then what about those threats? She was being threatened?”

“Umm...yeah...about that…” Sejin pulled out several pieces of paper from his pocket and hesitatingly handed them to Namjoon.

Namjoon looked at Sejin in confusion and slowly took the folded  papers into his hand. He unfolded one of them to take a look. Something was written in red.

Seems like you’ve made a choice. Now prepare for the consequence. 💀

Namjoon looked up at Sejin again and unfolded the second paper. “What is this?”

Who knew someone as ugly as you could be so stubborn. You really think this is a joke?

Namjoon folded back that paper and unfolded another.

If you want to live, you’ll rethink about your decision.

“These are copies of some of the threats Maya was receiving. Did you know about this?” Sejin asked.

“What? No...No, I had no idea.” Namjoon replied. “Wait, Maya was receiving all these?” Namjoon asked again.

“Yeah, apparently she had been getting some weird phone calls, texts, and notes” Sejin answered. “I can’t believe she didn’t tell you this. I can’t even understand how she was getting all these if there were guards everywhere. And why didn’t she tell you?”

A wave of guilt took over Namjoon as he remembered the day he had first told Maya about Huempathy. He remembered she had mentioned getting a threat.  The little note she had received inside a box filled with egg shells. How could he have forgotten about that? He had assumed she had stopped receiving them. He had assumed after they put the guards outside of Maya’s apartment, she was safe. Besides, Maya had never mentioned this to him or anyone at the company.

“...she had mentioned one instance of a threat she had received...but that was before she and I officially started dating again and told everyone about Huempathy. I had no idea she had received any threats after that…”

“Well...Namjoon-ah...I...I think this is more serious than we thought.” Sejin responded with a grave voice.

Namjoon gulped as he continued to swift through the rest of the papers that were filled with threats written in red ink.

“I...I can’t believe she did this. I can’t believe she didn’t tell me about any of this.” Namjoon mumbled.

Sejin was puzzled. After thinking for hours about this situation, Sejin could not really come up with a legitimate excuse for someone to go to the extent of threatening and kidnapping Maya. “I guess it’s safe to assume the person behind this is the same. But I don’t understand what they could have wanted from her?”

Namjoon didn’t answer as a new wave of emotions took over him. He wasn’t sure whether he was feeling angry, sad, afraid, or frustrated. Perhaps, feeling a mixture of emotions was the only valid response. Suddenly, an idea emerged in his mind.

“I have to get my laptop.” Namjoon said in an urgent tone and immediately got off his bed.

“Why? What are you doing?” Sejin asked.

“Uh...Nothing. I just have to go to my studio. I left my laptop there.” Namjoon put on his coat, which was still laying at the end of the bed from when the cops must have brought Namjoon to his room.  He then grabbed his keys that were by his dresser.

“Namjoon...wait!” Sejin called Namjoon’s name, but Namjoon didn’t stop.

Sejin followed Namjoon outside his room. As soon as Namjoon came into the living room, he found Yoongi and Jimin sitting on the couch. The members had just arrived that morning. Most of them went straight to their bedrooms, but Jimin and Yoongi were still talking about Maya.

Namjoon walked passed them without really talking.

“Where are you going, hyung?” Jimin asked.

“I am going to get my laptop from my studio.” Namjoon answered.

Jimin and Yoongi both looked at each other and nodded. They both got up from the couch and followed Namjoon and Sejin.

As soon as the four came outside, the guards also joined. They all walked to the apartment garage. Sejin sent the guards to a different car and  Namjoon walked to his own car. As soon as they reached the car, Yoongi interrupted. “Namjoon, I can drive. You should try to breathe.”

It was then that Namjoon realized he was out of breath. His face had lost all its color and he was completely out of breath. It was as if he had just ran a marathon.

“It’s okay—” Namjoon was about to speak when Sejin’s phone began to ring.

Sejin picked up his phone. “Hello..” Sejin continued talking with short “uhmms” and “okays”. He then put his phone away and looked at the boys.

“What happened? Did they find her?” Namjoon asked, assuming the call was about Maya.

“Uh...no...actually, her parents are here. I think I may have to pick them up at the airport because the other team is busy trying to gather leads to find Maya. Should I bring them to meet you from the airport?”

Namjoon frustratingly ran his fingers through his hair, almost wanting to scream. Gosh, this was the worst possible thing that could happen right now. How terrible was his fate that the first time he was about to meet his girlfriend’s parents was when she was missing? What will they think about him when he couldn’t even protect their daughter? What would they say when they ask him about where their daughter is? Where was Maya?

“Yeah, I’ll come meet them as soon as I get my laptop.” Namjoon stated.

“What’s in the laptop?” Sejin asked.

“Hopefully, my computer will help me find her.” Namjoon replied. He was partially glad Sejin was not coming with them. It would have been much harder for Namjoon to explain the visions to him. Sejin might not have even believed him.

“Let’s go Namjoonah.” Yoongi said as he got into the driver’s seat, Jimin sat in the passenger seat and Namjoon sat in the back.

“So...what’s in the laptop?” Yoongi asked as he began driving.

Namjoon didn’t say anything at first, but then he answered after a few moments. “The visions...or at least the parts we remember”

“Oh...you guys wrote them down?” Jimin asked as he turned to look towards Namjoon in the backseat.

“Yeah we have most of them. But I have a feeling, Maya probably didn’t update some of them...Especially the ones related to the...the situation.”

“Wait...you both knew this would happen?” Yoongi asked, still looking ahead while driving, but his eyebrows furrowed a bit.

“No...I mean, yes...some of it. We didn’t know what exactly would happen….but...but I guess we had some idea…” Namjoon paused.

“...and besides, it seems no matter what we would have done, there was no way of avoiding the visions” Namjoon added, as he felt the need to justify his decisions.

“Well, do you think you both will end up together?Did you have any visions about that?” Jimin asked.

“It’s not really that simple. I remember some things very vividly and others I don’t remember at all. I remembered vividly the vision about Maya coming to the studio to tell us about the GRAMMYs, but I had no idea when I had the vision that the thing she would tell us would be about the GRAMMYs. I just remembered that we were all happy and in the dance studio. Then when it happened, I just noticed that I had felt the feeling before and remembered it was from the vision. Of course, there was no way I would have predicted that.”

“So those visions are are like self-prophecy?” Yoongi suggested

“Perhaps…perhaps, this whole thing happened because we somehow knew this would happen. I feel like the universe is manipulating me.” Namjoon replied with sadness in his voice.

“But at least they are useful in this situation, especially if we can find some type of clue that could help us find her.” Jimin retorted.

“We have to find her. Whether that’s in the visions or not. We have to find her.” Namjoon half-mumbled.

The boys arrived at the BigHit building, and the guards followed. The boys asked the guards to wait outside, while they hurriedly went inside the studio. Namjoon opened the door to the studio and the boys went in. He opened his laptop and quickly found the shared document he and Maya had created when they first discovered their visions. Namjoon shifted through the visions and began taking notes on a piece of paper that was laying on the table. Jimin and Yoongi also pulled up chairs next to Namjoon’s desk and read along silently.

Namjoon began to write the things that had already happened and then the things that he didn’t remember happening so far. It was harder to figure out which things had already happened for the scenes involving only Maya, because he wasn’t sure if she had already been through the scenes or not. Nonetheless, Namjoon tried to guess the best that he could.

Upon going through the list of things that had not happened yet, he was surprised to see that it mostly included things that were likely associated with the possible kidnapping. He revisited those descriptions of scenes, trying to see if he could remember anything that could help them.

It was then that Namjoon remembered a small detail from one of the visions. A detail that was just casually added in the document when he had written down the vision.

“Do you see this here?” Namjoon pointed at the sentence that consisted the detail.

Maya was unconscious, the room was almost dark except one slight fluorescent light that  was  shining on a flag, it was the American flag…

Yoongi and Jimin read the sentence and looked at Namjoon.

“The American flag. The place where she is at must have an American flag.”

“Yeah, but what does that mean?” Yoongi asked.

“What if she is in America? What if they took her to America?” Namjoon responded. His voice was inquisitive yet sad. Instead of utter hopelessness, he was using the part of his mind that he used to make leadership decisions. He was putting aside his emotions  the best that he could.

“You are saying this whole time Maya was in America while we are searching for her in Korea?” Jimin asked. It was as if he couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

Suddenly, then Namjoon's phone began to ring. He looked to see who it was. It was Sejin.

"Hello?"

"Hey, I am almost at  the BigHit building with Maya's parents. I will see you soon."

"Oh okay, I will meet you in the lobby."

"Alright."

Jimin, Yoongi, and Namjoon went outside to the lobby with nervous expressions. Soon, a car pulled up at the entrance and a man and a woman got out of the car. It was obvious they were Maya’s parents, because their skin tone matched Maya’s. They both looked tired and had reddish eyes that gave away their sadness. They both hesitantly walked inside, where Namjoon, Jimin, and Yoongi were waiting. Namjoon immediately went towards them, offering his hand for a handshake.

“Hi Mr. and Mrs.Shroff...welcome!” Namjoon spoke in English.

Jimin and Yoongi both quietly shook their hands as well.

They both had worried expressions. Mr. Shroff gave a slight nod and Mrs. Shroff gave a small forced polite smile.

“Good to finally meet you all.” Mrs. Shroff said softly. Her voice reminded Namjoon of Maya. Her voice was soft and tender, but still confident.

“Uh...same here, ma’am. Before I say anything, I want to apologize about everything. I am sorry this is happening and I didn’t take care of your daughter the way I should have. It’s my fault she is in danger and I promise I will find her and safely bring her back.”

“If I was you, I wouldn’t make that promise.” Mr. Shroff said. His face was intimidating and his aura was powerful.

“I am sorry wha—” Namjoon was puzzled and he didn’t finish his sentence. Why would a girl’s dad say that?

“...Maya doesn’t listen to people. I am sure she is the one who got herself in this. She should have listened when we told her not to come to Korea...but of course, she always does the opposite of what we tell her.”

“Please Aariz, now is not the time.” Mrs. Shroff said putting her hand on his arm. Aariz was Maya’s father’s name, Namjoon noted.

“All I am saying is, if she is in danger, it’s her own fault. She shouldn’t have gotten into this mess. First, she wanted to become a writer, instead of getting the law degree and then she...” Mr. Shroff trailed off, realizing that finishing the sentence was pointless. He had barely had any expectation from his daughter, Maya. He knew Maya would eventually get herself in trouble and now it was happening. When he had gotten the call about Maya being missing, he was only a little surprised. He knew since the day Maya had mentioned that she was joining SM or working with BigHit, she was no longer in their hands. He realized he had to just accept whatever fate brought for his daughter and that’s what he was doing: barely caring.

However, this made Namjoon furious. Namjoon knew about Maya’s parents and their ridiculous expectations from her. Namjoon knew how insecure Maya felt around them. But he could not believe even in this situation, they were blaming her.

“Sir, with all due respect, it is not her fault someone is trying to hurt her. And I would gladly get  into all the reasons why your daughter who happens to be my girlfriend, is one of the greatest writers and social activists in Korea at the moment, but I won’t get into that right now because I actually care about her and would rather spend my time finding her.” Namjoon replied with assertiveness. “...And as I said earlier, I promise I will find her.  Whether you have faith in her and I or not, I do.” He added.

Mrs. Shroff was crying at this point. It was obvious she was worried. She was afraid of losing her daughter.

Jimin went up to her and put his hand gently on Mrs. Shroff’s shoulder. “Don’t worry.” Jimin managed to mutter.

After meeting with Maya’s parents, Namjoon, Yoongi, and Jimin went outside to meet Sejin and the guards. They needed to meet with the police and ask them to search in United States.

“Sejin Hyung, we have to go. Would you take Maya’s parents to the hotel? I am sure they are tired.” Namjoon said. “Oh and please put the guards by them as well. I think we need the tightest security for all of us right now.”

“Okay, sure. But where are you going?” Sejin asked.

“ I am heading out to meet the police.” Namjoon looked at Jimin and Yoongi. “You guys should head home. You must be jet lagged.”

“We are fine. We are coming with you.” Yoongi responded. It was more of a demand.

“Are you meeting the police to tell them about something? Did you find what you were looking for in your laptop?” Sejin was still not sure what was going on.

“Umm...yeah. Sort of. I have to go. The longer I wait, the more pain she is probably going to be in.” Namjoon reminded everyone of how urgent this matter really was.

Sejin nodded. He was still not completely satisfied with Namjoon’s answer, but he decided to let go of the matter for now.

11:00AM

Namjoon, Yoongi, and Jimin arrived at the police station surrounded by guards and wearing their face masks. There was a crowd outside, consisting of mostly journalists and ARMYs, wanting to hear new information about Maya. It was mess trying to get inside the police station, but they finally made it.

“What’s going on?” One of the cops asked. He was the same man Namjoon had talked to the previous night.

“I think she is in America.” Namjoon quickly went up to him and said.

“How? How do you know?” The cop asked with confused expressions.

“I just know. Please send your team to America. I know that’s where she is.”

“Yes, but America is huge country. Where would we even look? Besides, our team had already checked all the security footage at the Incheon airport of the last few days when we were originally searching for her and we didn’t see anything.” the cop answered.

“Did you even try checking all the airports? What if they took her from another airport?”

“Look sir, our team is trying our best. We understand you are worried, but I really don’t think she is in America.”

“Well, can you at least check? I am certain she is in America. Why don’t you contact the American police? Maybe they can help find her.” Namjoon insisted.

“Listen, we know she is not in America because her passport is with us. There is no way she could have left the country without her passport. Again, I assure you we are trying. We’ll find her, okay?”

Namjoon became frustrated. “Listen, I am sure she is in America. I don’t know how she got there, but I know she is there because...because I am certain the place they took her to has an American flag.”

“I don’t understand how you got this information,” the cop replied. “I didn’t want to scare you before, but all I can tell you right now is that this case is more serious than you think. So please don’t take any sudden steps that could harm you or any of your loved ones.” The cop added.

“What do you mean it’s more serious than I think?” Namjoon asked.

The cop sighed looked around at his surroundings  and gestured Namjoon, Jimin, and Yoongi to another room. “Come with me,” he said.

“Listen, I have a feeling there are some influential people involved in this. And I really don’t think she is in America. I really think they are keeping her here so they can keep an eye on her. That’s all I know right now and I strongly urge you not to leave your place for now. We don’t know what intentions these people have right now so you could also be in danger.” The cop whispered.

“But I don’t understand...what would influential people have to do with Maya?” Namjoon asked. His heart was pounding in fear.

“I think you are forgetting we are all global superstars. They obviously want money.” Yoongi said in a matter-of-fact way.

“But if they wanted money, wouldn’t they have just called Namjoon-hyung by now, asking for money?” Jimin questioned.

“I agree with Jimin-shi. The threats weren’t just talking about money. They were trying to stop her from making some type of decision.” The cop added.

Namjoon was too taken aback to think clearly. “Do..do you think they’ll hurt her?” Namjoon asked.

The cop was quiet for a second. “I can’t guarantee that she won’t be hurt, but I can say that we are trying...it’s just...it’s just that our hands are slightly tied in this matter.” The cop said biting his lip.

“What do you mean?” Namjoon asked.

“As I said, it seems like there are people that might be influential that are involved in this and they are trying to cover up this whole deal.”

Yoongi gave the cop a confused look. “But I don’t get it...how did they not expect this to become big? Namjoon is a global celebrity and people love Maya and Namjoon. How would they hide this?”

“Well, that I don’t know. I assume that depends on their intention. All I am noticing is that some of our superiors keep stopping us from following some of the leads.”

“So, you are saying that you can’t help?” Namjoon’s anger was back.

“Again, I am really trying. No one deserves to get hurt without a reason. I was letting you know the truth of the matter.” The cop slowly backed away from the members, turned around, and walked out of the room.

It was silent for a few moments after the cop left. The background noises came back into focus in Namjoon’s mind. There were a few other cops in a different part of the station laughing about something they saw on their phone. There was someone that was getting coffee in the other corner of the station. There were people talking on the phone. Some older woman was filing a complaint in the front. It was an ordinary day for these people. It was just another day. But for Namjoon it all felt so strange. It all felt so painful.

“Let’s go hyung. I think we should wait and talk to Sejin hyung. We can see if we can figure out another way to find her.” Jimin went up to Namjoon and said.

Namjoon didn’t respond or move. He stood there. Thinking. “What types of places do you think would put up American flags in Korea?” Namjoon suddenly asked after a few more moments.

Jimin and Yoongi looked at each other. They knew what Namjoon was asking. They knew Namjoon was not going to give up.

Namjoon x Reader (OC)

Summary: Idol Namjoon meets a grad student, Maya, but he experiences strange visions each time their eyes meet and they touch one another. Fate plays a magnetic role, & keeps bringing them together. Are these visions a sign that they should stay away or stay together?

Genre: Angst, Fluff

Previous Part: Chapter Twenty Eight Next Part: Chapter Thirty

20 Minutes Before the GRAMMYs red carpet

“Namjoon-ah, if you want to go right now, you should. We’ll take care of everything here.” Yoongi came into the room and said it with his classic nod.

“Yoongi hyung is right, we can take care of things here. If you are worried and feel like you need to go, then we completely understand.” Jimin added.

“...We have sent people to go look for her as well. They’ll keep us updated if they find anything. I assume she was probably called into work or something...she is still promoting her book, right?” Bang PD asked.

Namjoon swallowed sharply still trying to process what was happening. He wanted to believe that Maya was okay and that there was just some weird mix up and perhaps she had just missed her flight. But he just couldn’t stop imagining the day a few months ago when Maya had left without her phone. She had returned safely and promised him that she would keep in touch with him as often as possible. There was no way she wouldn’t contact him if she wasn’t able to make it to the flight.

A bitter laugh escaped Namjoon’s mouth. His laugh was so loud and unusual that everyone in the room looked at each other. He then began to clap. It was a slow sarcastic clap. Then he got up from the couch, moving the couch at least a feet back.

“Hyung…” Taehyung asked with confusion. He knew Namjoon had lost it. There was no other explanation for this reaction. Namjoon stood in the middle of the room looking completely lost. He felt like the land underneath him had slipped and he was falling. He was falling somewhere dark and hopeless. His mind was racing, but it was still at the same time.

“No, Tae. No. She is gone. Everything I was worried about is happening. Everything she and I tried to avoid is happening and it’s all my fault.” Namjoon fell to his knees in hopelessness.

“Are you saying she is in danger?” Bang PD asked.

Namjoon nodded as he covered his face with his hands.

“Well then in that case, I can’t let you go even if you want to. Namjoon, we need to let the police handle the situation.”

“What if they hurt her? What should I do?” Namjoon let out an unintentional sob. He frustratingly ran his hands through his hair. His makeup and hair were ruined.

“If you don’t feel comfortable attending the show then I understand, but there is no confirmation that she is in danger. Let’s not jump to conclusions. Again, there are already people looking for her so they might find her even before you get there.” Bang PD assured.

Namjoon knew Bang PD was being reasonable about the situation, but Namjoon also knew somewhere inside Maya was not safe. But was he going to be able to help this situation? What would he even do?

“How about you leave after the show? I am pretty sure they’ll already find her by then, but in case they don’t, you can leave right after.” Manager Sejin suggested. He knew Namjoon would never say no to him. And Manager Sejin was not sure about the idea of having Namjoon go back alone and neither was he sure about letting Namjoon stay backstage. Namjoon would just dwell on it more if he did.

Namjoon sighed. He had to choose a loss, and so he did. He decided to attend the GRAMMYs. Was he really about to attend an award show over going to look for his girlfriend? Yes. Does he not love her enough to give up a stupid show? He does. And he would in every other situation. Is her life not worth anything to him? She is his life. You see, perhaps for the world, this was the most selfish move he could have taken. The world would see him as careless, as fake. But for him this was the most selfless thing he had ever done. His self was his Maya. He had lost his self, therefore he was selfless. If he wanted to be selfish, he would have ran out of that room and went and looked for her.

But he knew he couldn’t. He couldn’t leave behind the six boys that had given up their entire life for this day. He couldn’t leave behind the people that had ultimately allow him to be with Maya. If Maya was part of Namjoon, then she was part of his identity as a leader. And a leader is always selfless. Always.

Namjoon stood up from the ground and put on his suit. He wiped his face of any residual tears and looked at the mirror to make sure he looked presentable. “You are right, Sejin hyung.” He said.

The six members were shocked. Was Namjoon being serious?

“Namjoon, are you sure?” Hoseok asked.

Namjoon nodded. At this point he was only alive for the sake of not being considered dead.

“Let’s go.” Namjoon gestured the rest of the boys. The boys looked at each other and then slowly stood up. Everyone piled out of the room towards the limousine that was waiting for them to take them to the red carpet. But none of the boys showed any form of excitement or happiness.

Soon they were surrounded by the flashing lights of the cameras as they got out of the limousine. The boys tried to put on a fake smile. They were trained for this and they knew their roles well. Except Namjoon felt empty. Maya was supposed to be here. She was supposed to wrap her arm around his arm and they were going to walk to together. She was supposed to wear a red dress and her skin would be glowing under all the camera lights. Her hair, her earrings, the way she would walk would steal a thousand hearts, but she  would only belong to him. Except, she wasn’t here. And now there was a huge invisible empty space next to Namjoon that he felt even though he was with his members.

They began their walk down the red carpet. Yoongi was the one leading the group, as Namjoon was not fully present.

The first interviewer asked. “BTS! How are you feeling tonight?”

“Good.” Jimin answered.

“Alright! Well, this is unbelievable. I am standing next to a historic boy band that has just broken every barrier that exists in the music industry. How does that feel for you guys today? You are at the GRAMMYs!”

“We are so excited to be here! It’s the most special moment for us.” Yoongi half-mumbled. The other guys looked at each other. They had not expected Yoongi to be so fluent.

“It is absolutely an unbelievable moment. I feel like you all have started a movement and in this past year with the Huempathy campaign, you’ve made global impact. How do you handle this type of influence? What goes through your mind?” The interview asked.

“We only wanted equality and respect for everyone. We just wanted to spread love.” Namjoon suddenly spoke. His jaw clenched unintentionally. He was almost angry at how oblivious everyone else was. Hoseok put his arm gently on Namjoon’s shoulder. Trying to seem casual. Trying to calm him down.

“Speaking of love, we had heard our favorite author and your charming girlfriend would also be here today, where is Dr. Shroff? Is she not going to accompany you on this occasion?” The interviewer held the microphone towards Namjoon.

Namjoon tried his best to keep it together, inside he felt like someone had just poured acid onto his heart. It was burning. Everything was burning.  He wanted to run far away from this place. He wanted to cry. He was hoping this was all a dream.

“...Umm...yeah...actually she is not able to be here today because of…” Namjoon wanted to tell the world what had actually happened to Maya. He didn’t know whether she was even alive or not. He didn’t know whether he would ever get to see her again or not. He wanted to tell the world that someone was hurting her right now and he was helpless.

“...because she is very sick.” Seokjin intervened.

“Yeah, she is...sick” Namjoon hesitatingly added.

“Oh, I see...well hope she feels better. Good luck tonight, boys!” The interviewer ended their interview.

They then continued down the red carpet and spoke to a few other people. Then they reached Lauren from The Daily Primer. She was the one that had interivewed Maya years ago when Namjoon and Maya weren’t together. Namjoon remembered that interview. It was like he was suddenly reliving it. Except this time he was the one dreading it.

“Hello, hello, gentlemen! Wow, what a DASHING group we have here?! Phew, I already hear the ladies, and even men surrendering their hearts to you tonight.” Lauren said with her usual charming voice. He wondered what Maya would have said if she was here. She would have felt so strange being in front of Lauren again. She would have held Namjoon’s hand even tighter. She would have given him a nervous look. But she wasn’t here to feel this awkwardness, and that made this even more awkward.

“...How are you guys? We haven’t interviewed together in years, right?” Lauren continued.

The members nodded. “...It’s been a while.” Jungkook said the phrase he often used during concerts.

“Yeah it has been...Well, last time we spoke you were still new in America and had just started gaining traction. Now, tonight you’ve already made history and are being compared with The Beatles and Michael Jackson. So how does that feel?”

“We are just very grateful.” Hoseok gave his beautiful smile, hoping to distract Lauren. He knew what her next question would be and he was trying to avoid it.

But alas, that question was unavoidable. “Yes, absolutely! And actually, I’ve got a question for RM. We’d heard you were bringing a date. But where is Maya?” Lauren asked quite directly.

Namjoon let out a laugh. He didn’t know where it came from but it did. It was like he was laughing at his fate. The world wanted to know where Maya was, and they were asking Namjoon as if he knew. In fact, he’d like to know too.

“You know, you had Maya on your show a  couple years ago. You had asked her about BTS back then. We were still in love at the time. But she didn’t say this because she was trying to protect me and my members.” Namjoon blurted out.

“Yeah, she is very sick today…” Yoongi said.

“Very sick” Taehyung joined in.

“Oh wow, well I hope she gets well soon. I had no idea at the time, but I am glad you two decided to do this campaign, RM. You all are making a great change.” Lauren responded.

Namjoon nodded. They were making great changes. But those changes were at the cost of Maya’s life. Whatever was going on with Maya, was most definitely related to him. He was the reason her life was in danger, and he was here, taking the glory. He gave an internal bitter round of applause to  fate. Great job, fate. You won.

The rest of the red carpet interviews went similarly. The rest of the boys tried to speak more in order to ease Namjoon’s pressure. But in the end, the question about Maya was asked repeatedly. The world was confused. Maya and Namjoon were supposed to be one of the most anticipated appearance on the red carpet and them not showing up together was raising suspicion.

Nonetheless, the boys made it inside the venue. They sat down being greeted by various famous artists, directors, producers, and other dignified guests from the industry. It was a historical moment. It was everything they had imagined and everything they had worked for. Whether they would win tonight or not, it was undeniable that they had reached a level of success that was insurmountable. Unfortunately, of course, none of them had the courage or desire to enjoy the moment.

All 7 members sat down in their seats. They were quite close to the front, and they knew ARMYs would be happy to see that. BTS knew ARMYs would be in their homes watching every moment of the event, praying and hoping for their win. Tonight, wasn’t just about the members. It wasn’t just about the company or the band or the fame. It was truly about the millions of ordinary people that fearlessly, tirelessly, and unapologetically supported these 7 men through thick and thin. The boys also knew, that ARMYs would see their glum expressions and wonder what could be the reason for their lack of enthusiasm. Therefore, they kept a smile, at least most of them tried to. Namjoon was failing. For the first time ever, his fearless leader mask was falling off of him, revealing the painful side he always hid so well.

The award show soon began with the earlier awards being given to the technical writing and production teams of different musical acts. The cameraman did pan over to BTS once or twice. The cameraman was hoping for more reactions from them. But he didn’t receive any reactions, just a gentle smile from Jimin and a slight nod from Hoseok. They were usually more enthusiastic during award shows, but this time there was an air of worry surrounding them.

As the award show continue, the tension in Namjoon’s leg was growing. His left leg kept shaking as if he had restless leg syndrome. His thoughts were even faster than his leg movement. He was physically there but mentally and emotionally not present. He kept thinking back to the visions. He kept thinking back to what they could’ve changed. What they could’ve done differently. But there was nothing he could do to change the present moment.

Eventually the MC announced that the World Music category would be announced after a commercial break. The crowd spurred in and  out of the auditorium as the show went on commercial. But BTS remained still. Yoongi leaned over towards Hoseok, who was sitting next to him.

“What happens if we win? Who is going to speak?” Yoongi whispered.

Hoseok pursed his lips. The question was lurking inside Hoseok’s mind as well. BTS knew that their chances of winning were low. They had tried their hardest not to expect the award. But this was their first GRAMMY award. This was their ultimate dream and if by chance they did win, they knew that they would always be remembered by whatever they say today.

Hoseok shook his head. “We’ll just take turns and say what we think we can say in English.”

Taehyung was sitting next to Hoseok. He overheard the conversation and jumped in. “I have been practicing something I wanted to say. Maybe I’ll say that, if we need it.”

Yoongi nodded. “Good.”

“Do you think Maya’s gonna be okay?” Jungkook who was sitting on the other side whispered to Yoongi.

“She’ll be fine. We’ll find her.” Yoongi replied. However, there was big knot inside his stomach as he said those words. Something inside Yoongi was telling him that there was something terribly wrong happening in that moment.

Namjoon had heard the conversation that his members were having, but he had no energy to say anything. He was still struggling to breath.

Suddenly the MC came back on to the stage and the countdown began for the show to come back on air from the commercial. The audience started taking their seats and the spotlights came back on.

The MC began speaking. “The presenter for the next award is one of the youngest GRAMMY winner with a voice that soothes even the coldest of souls. Let me invite on stage Khalid to announce the winner for the Best World Music Album Award category.”

Khalid walks onto the stage with an envelope that contained the winner of the award. Meanwhile, in the audience the members all held each other’s hands. Namjoon was hesitant when Jimin had reached out his hand towards him, but eventually gave in. Jimin gave a small smile. Namjoon tried his best to return the smile.

“Thank you to the recording academy for having me on this stage tonight to present such prestigious award. This year,  America truly showed that we are finally opening our hearts and mind  to good music despite language and genre. I feel particularly honored to present this award as it represents that good music has no boundaries. Alright so the nominees for the Best World Music Album category are…”

The nominations played  on the big screen behind Khalid. The auditorium was much louder when BTS’s name appeared on the screen which revealed again the ARMYs that were present in the audience. The whole night these ARMYs had tried to be as polite as possible, but they couldn’t help themselves in that moment. After all, this was not only the biggest moment for BTS, this was the biggest moment for ARMYs as well.

After the nominations the camera panned back onto Khalid. He had a gentle smirk on his face. It was obvious Khalid had already peeked at the winner’s name backstage, but then again, who wouldn’t?

Khalid opened the envelope carefully, and it felt like the world was moving in slow motion. The members clutched each other’s hands tightly, some murmuring prayers under their breath while others with deep nervous expressions.

Namjoon turned to the empty seat next to him. The seat was for Maya. He sighed and swallowed harshly as Khalid announced the winner of the award. “I love you.” He mumbled to the empty space.

“The GRAMMY winner for the  Best World Music Album is...none other than...BTS!” Khalid announced on the stage and immediately the crowd roared.

The next few moments were a blur. The boys haphazardly gave each other a group hug and stumbled onto the stage. It was like the world was still and they were the only ones moving. They were the only ones breathing. And for Namjoon these breaths felt far too heavy. He had followed Jimin’s and Hoseok’s lead to the stage but after getting on the stage he felt his body freezing again.

The boys turned towards Namjoon as they reached the stage and gestured Namjoon to accept the trophy from Khalid. He looked at them with disoriented expressions, but followed their wishes and headed towards Khalid to accept the award.

Khalid reached out his hand towards Namjoon for a hand shake, and Namjoon disorientedly accepted the handshake. “Congrats, man. You just made history” Khalid mumbled. Namjoon gave a small smile and replied. “Oh...thanks”

He then turned towards the audience and saw nothing but spotlights. He knew behind those lights were the biggest names in the Western music industry. His idols. So many people that inspired him to become what he was. And yet he felt numb. All the struggles, the heartache, the sacrifices, the injuries had brought him here. He had just accomplished the biggest dream he had. And yet he was numb.

Namjoon looked down at the trophy in his hand. The beautiful brass gramophone that glimmered under the stage light. He tried to breathe again and somewhat failed. Namjoon then looked around at his members all confusedly looking at one another. They were all emotional and disoriented. Internally wondering who would do the acceptance speech. Namjoon noticed Yoongi nodded between the small tears that were forming in his eyes and started  heading towards the microphone to speak, as Yoongi wasn’t sure if Namjoon would be able to speak tonight.

Namjoon sighed and pulled himself together. He knew he had to do his job. He needed to be the one to speak first.

“Hyung, it’s okay I’ll do it.” Namjoon went up to Yoongi and  softly whispered in his ears.

Yoongi turned to Namjoon with watery eyes. “Thank you.” Yoongi whispered back. That small thank you meant a lot more than the words themselves. The thank you meant that Yoongi knew how hard this night was for Namjoon and he would always be grateful Namjoon still decided to attend. The small thank you meant Yoongi understood that Namjoon was sacrificing his own sense of sanity for the sake of the group. Again. The thank you meant Yoongi loved Namjoon and that the journey they had started together was now reaching another milestone. Namjoon understood all those things just by looking towards Yoongi.

Yoongi stepped aside and quickly wiped his tears. Namjoon positioned himself in front of the microphone.

He stood there for a few short moments that felt like far too long. Tears were also pouring from his eyes, but he hadn’t noticed.

“ARMY…” Namjoon called out. His voice came out louder than he had anticipated. He had no idea where this burst of energy came from.  But just calling out ARMYs name suddenly catalyzed a wave of adrenaline within him. His emotions were all over the place, but he suddenly felt all the feelings that his body had repressed the whole night and he noticed a small tear rolled down his face. His eyes were glittery under the spotlight. He was somewhere between, proud, angry, and happy and he wasn’t sure what was about to come out of his mouth.

“I have something to say….” He paused. Trying to take a deep breath before speaking. He wanted to say something else, but instead he changed his mind last second. A mask was sealed to his face and he had no energy to take off that mask right now.

“We did it. We finally did it. Your love and our music won today. Your faith and our lyrics won today. Congratulations, ARMY. Congratulations to each and everyone one of you that has supported us throughout our journey to this stage. Congratulations to my members. The greatest friends, brothers, collaborators, and artists that I have ever come to know and will ever come to know. I will forever be grateful for you. Your dream came true today. Our dream became a reality, so congrats.

Congratulations to the people in our lives that have given their everything to let us shine tonight. Our staff, our directors and producers, our stylists and most of all our families. Congratulations to our families. Our families that allowed us to pursue our dreams and have always supported us from near and far. Congratulations you won.” Namjoon paused for a moment before continuing. He needed to breathe.

“You know, this trophy is a perfect representation of BTS.  Gramophones amplify sounds so you can hear the music. Our 7 quiet voices were amplified and spread across the world by our gramophones, called ARMY.  Our words about Youth, Happiness, and Love were spread across almost all corners of the world. The biggest irony is that up until recently, we had pretty much sacrificed our own youth, happiness, and love so that we could have our voice be heard. So that we could speak ourselves. We had been taught to believe that if we want to be somebody we needed to give up our youth, love, happiness. But then we thought what if there was a way to have both? What if we could use our happiness, our youth, our love to speak up for people that can’t? What if instead of sacrificing those things we can use them to our advantage? And so we did. However, we forgot that even that comes with a price. As we always say, the brighter the light, the darker the shadow. And as much as I love the nights and consider myself a moonchild, I was not prepared for the shadows that are lurking in our life tonight. So tonight, with this exquisite, priceless, award in my hand. I ask that you pray for me. Please pray that the risk we took doesn’t hurt those we love. That the shadows don’t engulf the joy that we have gathered so far. And as always we continue soaring whether it’s night or day together.”

“ Thank you to recording academy for choosing us as a valuable asset to the industry, we hope our voices will encourage others who have been afraid to speak up till now. Thank you...” Namjoon gave a slight bow, and turned towards his members.

The members engulfed him in a hug. This was a different type of group hug. The boys were surrounding Namjoon and he had his arms as wide as he could, trying to hug all of them. Trying to ease his pain through the warmth of his members’ arms.

The GRAMMY win would always remain a joyous, but painful memory.

2 Hours Later

As soon as the awards ended and the press related events were over, Namjoon came back stage immediately went to Manager Sejin to ask about Maya.

“Did they find her?” He asked with a desperate tone.

Manager Sejin looked towards the ground and shook his head. “No. I think maybe we should go back”

Namjoon bit his lip in disappointment. “...We should.”

“I have informed Maya’s family. Her parents said they will in the flight after us.” Manager Sejin suddenly added.

“Her parents?” Namjoon asked.

“Yeah, they had no idea until now. We felt like it was important.”

Namjoon had only seen Maya’s parents through FaceTime twice. First time he had met them when she had told them about the campaign and dating Namjoon. It was only a few days after the press conference and their first night together. The second time Namjoon had seen them was when he had came to Maya’s apartment and she was talking to them about submitting the final draft of the book on FaceTime. Both times they seemed happy and excited to see him. But Namjoon never really knew whether they liked him or not. And now he was certain they never would.

Namjoon sighed. “Yeah, I understand.”

Namjoon changed out of his suit  and packed some things he had brought to the venue. The staff would bring the rest of his luggage later.

Just as he finished packing, the other members came back to his dressing room.

“Hyung...I am so sorry…” Taehyung came forward, enveloping his arms around Namjoon.

Namjoon didn’t say anything. He didn’t know what to say. He was still figuring out what was happening. The members realized this was the extent of a reaction they would get from Namjoon, so they looked at each other in defeat.

“Let us know when you land.” Seokjin said.

“I will…” Namjoon responded.

Namjoon  then quickly left the venue with Manager Sejin and security guards to catch a flight back to Seoul. The staff did book a jet plane but weren’t able to reserve a private entrance at such last minute, therefore Namjoon had to take the public entrance. As soon as he went to the airport a crowd of journalists and reporters surrounded him and the security guards. The news had gotten out that Maya wasn’t sick, and was instead missing. It had circulated the American and Korean media and now there was no going back.

“We heard Maya Shroff is missing. Do you know where she is? How are you feeling right now? Your biggest win tonight is spoiled by this news. Are you upset? Tell us, what is happening? Is she in danger? Do you think something happened to her? What will you do after heading to Korea? Do you know who is responsible for this? Is this a kidnapping case?” The voices  of the journalists and reporters around him seared through his soul. He was in the midst of his worst nightmare and these voices were gnawing at his existence.

Namjoon tried to gently pushed through the crowd, even though majority of him wanted to just fall to the ground and breakdown crying. A weird sense of numbness had consumed Namjoon throughout the night. A sense of helplessness that was almost protecting him from thinking too much about his current situation.

Namjoon didn’t answer their questions. He silently got through the crowd and made his way to the security area. After the security screening he went to board the plane and eventually settled into his seat right next to Manager Sejin.

“She will be alright, try to breathe…” Manager Sejin said after the seatbelt sign turned off as the plane had reached above 10,000 ft.

“I know she is not fine. I am certain she is not fine.” Namjoon abruptly responded.

“How do you know?” Manager Sejin asked.

Namjoon looked down at his lap. “I just know.”

Emily Brontë - Wuthering Heights (1847)