#nabii

i was walking home, sunset, smoke sky LA, Taco Bell in hand, when a small golden puppy across the street with no leash excitedly ran through traffic. us bystanders watched it whimper, get up and continue running hopped up on adrenaline. it ran the crosswalk through traffic right to me and I did nothing and watched run by me. I knew it was in pain. no blood. i could have put my food down and took off my shirt and tried to grab and hold it so things couldn’t have gotten worse in any way, but I didn’t and i chose to keep walking home. moments later, a girl and woman were running up the street in the direction of the dog. i dont know if they were its owners or if it was coincidence. now im trying every coping strategy because cold distancing isn’t working. i am angry and frustrated bc normally id shit on dog owners, but i know nothing like that matters. only whether could I help or not, and will i help or not, and the only real one who pays was the dog who literally cannot communication for help. I want this moment to keep traumatizing me. I am going to practice being shameless in public bc living in downtown LA has been a very punishing experience. nabii passed away a year ago this september. already the shame is causing me a great deal of pain.