#n patrick

You’ve been back at your parents’ house for a few days now as you got ready for the holidays. You hadn’t so much as seen Nolan once since you returned. In normal circumstances that would be absolutely unheard of, but considering you haven’t heard from Nolan in months, circumstances were certainly not normal.

Ever since you returned home, you’d been going on these nightly walks, as if trying to retrace your steps to that night where it all went so wrong. It felt like years ago thinking back to it now. It had been an oddly mild March night - nothing like the weather now - and you were home for spring break. It was your last semester at school and you had made probably what was the biggest decision of your life up until that moment. Instead of moving back home from your school in California after graduation, you were going to stay there. It was bittersweet, you loved your hometown and all the family and friends that inhabited it, but you also felt like you were meant for something more. Something bigger.

You were sitting with Nolan on your porch, enjoying your last night before you would return to school when you told him.

“What do you mean you’re moving there? Like permanently?” Nolan had asked, brows stitched together in confusion. His response had taken you aback; you expected him to be surprised but he seemed genuinely upset.

“I mean I can’t predict where I’ll end up forever, but it would definitely be permanent for the foreseeable future,” you had explained.

“I’m never going to see you,” Nolan had replied, his voice barely above a whisper. There was genuine hurt in his voice that was creating an ache in you that you couldn’t quite place.

“Nols, we barely see each other now. Remember that team you play for? In Philly? That not exactly close to home,” you had tried to sound light, but the joke fizzled and died in the tension between the two of you.

“You shouldn’t do it y/n,” Nolan replied, shocking you with his lack of support. You were rarely ever angry at Nolan, but this sparked annoyance in you. He was your best friend, why wasn’t he happy for you?

“It’s not up to you,” you replied, more defensive than you intended. You couldn’t help it, everyone you told had been questioning you and you had built up frustration. You’d thought about this for a while, and it felt right, you didn’t understand why everyone was acting like you were making some crazy impulsive decision. No one questioned Nolan when he went after his dream of playing in the NHL, so why was this suddenly so crazy to all your friends and family?

“And what are you gonna do there? What friends do you have?” he had fired back.

The anger in his voice made the words sting more than they should have. “I have a job lined up after graduation. And I have plenty of friends, thank you very much.” Anger was bubbling up in you - you were notorious for letting yourself get to a boiling point and just explode at someone. Nolan was getting dangerously close to being the unlucky victim.

“Right, your LA friends how could I forget,” Nolan muttered, rolling his eyes. Nolan had visited you once while you were in college. Let’s just say he didn’t exactly get along with your friends there. He hasn’t visited since. Partially because of his busy schedule, and partially because you knew he thought they were… not his type of people (to put it nicely).

“Just because you don’t like them doesn’t mean they’re bad people,” you snapped. What did he know? “And why are so pissed about this? I didn’t throw a fit when you moved to Philly.”

“That’s completely different.”

“How?”

Nolan stared at his hands, and you knew him long enough to know that what he did when he was something weighing heavy on his mind. He opened his mouth a few times before finally speaking, “I don’t want you to be that far from me.”

You were taken aback again but in a completely different manner. “What do you-”

Before you could even process what was happening, his hand cupped your face and his lips found yours. That was the closest you had ever been to a heart attack. Nolan was your first and best friend. Your parents had met in college, their friendship being the predecessor to yours. You were born pretty close together, so you’ve literally known him your entire life. There was no one you were closer with, no one who knew you better. You’re not exactly sure when your feelings grew beyond friendship. You supposed the seeds had been planted early, blooming over time into something you couldn’t control even if you tried.

Having a crush on your best friend is about as fun as it sounds, especially when you don’t think they feel the same. That’s why it shocked you so much to feel him kiss you. It was something you’d wanted for years, though you had never thought it would ever be a reality. You were speechless.

Nolan must have sensed your shock when he pulled away. He mumbled something that sounded like a goodbye and left in a hurry. You should have said something. You should have gone after him. But you didn’t, you sat there, weighed down by surprise of a dream coming true in a nightmarish way.

And then silence.

Nolan didn’t come to see you off the next day. He’d never missed you leaving for college, even when it was just returning after a break like this. The two of you rarely went more than a day without speaking and now there was nothing. With every day that passed that you didn’t hear from him, the ache that started that night you told him you were moving grew. Now that it had been months since you last spoke to him, it practically consumed you.

You knew how ridiculous it looked. He was your best friend, you should have been able to reach out to him. But that kiss had left you in a vacuum. Nothing made sense after it. Besides, he kissed you, shouldn’t he be the one to break the ice? Maybe that was a silly way to think of it, but with the more time that passed without speaking, the harder it felt to reach out. Now that it had been months, it seemed like an impossible bridge to gap.

Every night since you returned, you had walked the block that your homes share. Deep down, you knew your feet were on a mission to get you to his place, but it wasn’t until today that you were able to get close. You had always pulled yourself away before you could really get a good look at it. Today, however, you were finally standing in front of it, basking in the familiar, warm glow.

Your heart began to pound, realizing at any moment someone from his family could look out and see you standing there. You were about to turn around and hightail it home when the front door opening caused you to freeze. Your breath caught in your throat. It was Nolan.

His head was down, a grey beanie pulled down low over his forehead. He almost didn’t notice you; his eye only catching you when he reached his car. He stopped in his tracks, looking at you as if trying to decide if you were real.

“Y/n? Is that you?” he asked, his voice somewhere between confusion and conservative joy.

“Yeah, uh- hey,” was the only thing you could get out. You suddenly became aware of just how cold it was.

“Hey,” he replied, his voice seeming to be just on the crest of a quiver, “Where you… what are you doing out here?” It was clear he didn’t know what to make of you standing outside his house, and you didn’t blame him. You probably would be equally as shocked if the tables were turned.

You searched your brain for something to say. Nolan was someone you could talk about anything with, so it was killing you now to feel like you couldn’t find the right words to say to him. “I was just going for a walk I guess,” you answered finally. It was partially true.

“Clearing your head?” he guessed.

You nodded, allowing the smallest of smiles. He still could read you after all this time. “Yeah, I guess that’s exactly what I was doing.”

“Me too,” Nolan replied, motioning to his car. There was a quick silence before he asked, “Do you wanna join me?”

You could feel your blood coursing through you, spreading sweet warmth spiked with nerves. You missed him so much, and even though you didn’t know if it was smart to spend time with him when you didn’t even know what you wanted to say to him, you could not resist getting into his truck. You desperately needed something familiar.

You nodded and Nolan gave you one of his infamous half-smiles, punctuated by the click of his truck doors unlocking. You silently slipped into the passenger seat, something you’ve done a million times before, breathing in the scent you knew would be there. Mint and clean leather. Somethings never change.

It was weird going through the motions as nothing had ever changed. You could almost pretend that things hadn’t. However, the thick silence that settled between the two of you prevented you from reveling in that dream. It was so foreign to sit next to Nolan and feel uncomfortable. You never felt awkward around him - well there was that one time when he walked in on you in your bra but that was short-lived. He went out and bought a bra just so you could walk in on him in one so the two of you were even. It was ridiculous but it made you laugh and forget about your embarrassment. That was one of your favorite things about Nolan, he always knew how to make you feel better now. You could use that Nolan.

“Where were you planning on going?” You asked when you couldn’t stand the silence anymore. You tried to sound casual, but you heard the nerves fraying in your own voice.

“Somewhere we both know well,” Nolan replied. Cryptic as always, but you didn’t push. You had a feeling you knew where he was going anyway. The dark road sprawled out before you, illuminated only by his headlights and street lamps that were losing a fighting battle against the darkness of a December night in Canada.

You didn’t expect Nolan to say much as he drove, and you were still at a loss so the silence continued, heavy and suffocating. It felt like the two of you were fighting to breathe in the last bit of oxygen the small space had to offer. That made it all the more of a relief when you recognized the turns Nolan was taking. He was going to a park the two of you spent a ridiculous amount of time in as children. Even as you grew, it continued to be a place the two of you enjoyed, whether it be hiking the trails in the summer or sledding down the giant hill in the winter. It also became the location of many of your heart to hearts when one of you was going through something. A fitting spot for whatever was about to happen.

Nerves fluttered through your stomach as he pulled in. You knew a talk was coming, but you had no idea where the two of you would stand when he drove you out and that terrified you.

Nolan parked by the playground, buried under a thick blanket of snow. It stood like a relic to a lost childhood, a sense of freedom and possibility that was lost under burdens it wasn’t meant to bear.

“I would say we should go to our bench, but I don’t think you’d survive the trek,” Nolan joked lightly. The bench he was referring to was the one you always had your talks at. It was tucked away beyond the playground under a large maple, which you could see peeking out above the climbing walls. Somewhere on that tree “NP + Y/I friends 4 evr” was carved into the trunk. You weren’t sure how many summers ago the two of you did it anymore, but you do know you wished you’d carved a heart instead of just friends. Regardless, it puts a smile on your face every time you see it.

“Me? I didn’t know you were suddenly immune to frostbite,” you replied as playfully as you could manage.

“I’m better off than you. I haven’t been spending the last few months in LA.” You knew it was supposed to be a joke, but it came out with an accusatory edge. Any response you could think of died on your lips. A fight was the last thing you wanted to start right now. Back to silence.

Both of you kept your eyes trained ahead; it was a lot easier than facing each other. That didn’t stop you from stealing glances from your peripheral, trying to get a read on him. Nolan had an infamous poker face, but his energy was palpable. He was buzzing like a fluorescent.

Suddenly you couldn’t take it anymore. “Why?” You broke through the wall of ice between the two of you. “Why did you disappear on me?”

“I’ve been here the whole time. Technically you disappeared on me,” Nolan replied.

“I told you I was going,” you shot back.

“Yeah, the day before. More of a warning would have been nice,” he mumbled.

“Oh, so you could have a few extra days to ignore me?” Your words came out more venomous than you intended. Months of sadness were being compressed into a deep, hurting frustration.

Nolan finally looked at you, hurt etched into the blue of his eyes. A street light shined behind him, giving him an ethereal glow. Even though he was upset with you, he still took your breath away. “Talking is a two-way street you know,” he fired back, “You never picked up the phone either. I thought… I don’t know.”

“What?” you pressed.

“I thought you forgot about me.” His voice was barely audible, his eyes falling away from yours.

You couldn’t help but let out a strained laugh since it was the absolute opposite of the truth. “Nolan I thought about you every single day since I left,” you admitted without thought. You quickly added, “As pathetic and weird as that sounds, it’s the truth.”

“I thought about you every day, too,” he replied, looking at you again. Some of the hurt has dissipated in response to your statement.

“So why didn’t I hear from you?” You were less accusatory and more curious in tone this time. The anger was leaving you, now you were just confused and sad over the time you lost with him.

Nolan, taking off his beanie for a second to run his hand through his hair. “I guess I thought I fucked up,” he replied, pulling the beanie back into place. He added sheepishly, “By kissing you, I mean.”

Your heart ached. “Did you regret it?” you asked, trying not to show how much of a blow it would be to you if he said yes.

“No,” he replied, “I mean I would only regret it if it pushed you away, which I sort of feel like I did. You just looked so shocked and upset after, I thought I crossed a line. Then when I didn’t hear from you, I thought you were mad.” He paused, looking down at his hands, turning words over in his head. “I guess I was kind of embarrassed, too,” he said finally, “I’ve wanted to do that for so long, and then it kinda blew up in my face.”

You couldn’t believe what you heard. He wanted to kiss you? For a long time? You covertly pinched yourself to make sure this wasn’t some cruel dream. “You have?”

Nolan let out an embarrassed laugh. “Yeah, I have. I was just scared if you didn’t feel the same it would completely fuck up our friendship. Which it looks like I succeeded in doing.” he sighed.

You shook your head. “Nolan, you could not be more wrong,” you replied. He cocked a brow at you and you continued, “I’ve had a crush on you since- well- forever. I’ve wanted to kiss you for the longest time. I was just so shocked that it happened I sorta shut down.”

“Seriously?”

“Seriously,” you confirmed. “God I feel like such an idiot.”

“That makes two of us,” Nolan half laughed. You joined him in the short laughter, fueled mostly by shock. A short silence returned as the two of you digested the weight of the revelations you just had.

“So… where do we go from here?” Nolan asked finally.

You let out a long sigh as you tried to collect your thoughts. “I’m not sure,” you replied honestly. “I mean hearing that you feel the same way as I do as you is the best news I’ve gotten in like, well ever,” you paused laughing at yourself, “But these last few months… they’ve been so hard. It’s hard to digest all this.”

“Was it all bad because of me?” Nolan asked, concernedly.

“No, not entirely,” you replied, not wanting him to feel guilty. In truth, he was only part of the equation. You had a ridiculous stubborn streak so it was hard for you to admit that maybe moving to LA wasn’t a great idea. You quickly learned that going to school and living/working somewhere were two totally different things. In school, you knew your friends were available every weekend; there was always something to do and people to be with. Now, everyone was weighed down by jobs and responsibilities that far outweighed term papers. Not to mention the job you thought was perfect was looking more like a dead end every day. Plus, Nolan may have been right about a few of your friends not being so great.

You continued, “It’s just, well it’s hard for me to admit, but LA isn’t exactly what I thought it was going to be. It was definitely hard without you, like so many times I wanted to reach out to you, but I didn’t because I was scared and confused. I feel pretty stupid about that now.”

You half expected Nolan to tell you he told you so, which you wouldn’t even blame him if he did, but he said, “I wish I was there for you. I’m sorry”

“It’s okay, it’s not your fault, we were both kinda stupid,” you replied as lightly as you could, “But if these last few months have taught me anything, it’s that I need you in my life. If we were together and something went wrong and I lost you, I don’t even know what I’d do.”

Nolan nodded in agreement, “You’re my best friend, I never want anything to come between that.” You both believed the words you spoke, and yet it felt like things were unfinished. You both weren’t satisfied with going back like nothing had ever happened.

“What if,” you began slowly, “I mean I’m here for a few more days, what if we just gave this - us - a shot during that time. We don’t tell anyone, it’s just for us to explore. If it doesn’t work out we can just go back to being best friends and forget this mess. But if it does… well I guess we will go from there.”

“I think that’s perfect,” Nolan agreed, joy creeping into his voice for the first time since you began talking. You couldn’t help but fling your arms around him in a big hug. It’s been so fucking long since you got to do that; it brought you an indescribable level of joy just to feel his arms around you again.

You both pulled back, smiling at each other, the hurt of the last few months melting away. Nolan brought his hand to your face and pulled you in for a soft kiss. Your head was spinning.

“As much as I wanted to do that the first time,” he said with a smile when he pulled away, “I wanted to do it a million times more now.” You giggled, pulling him back to your lips. You were never going to get tired of this.

“Take me home Nols,” you said breathlessly when you were finally able to peel yourself away. Nolan smiled, quickly shifting his truck into gear. You loved that you didn’t have to specify his home. He knew you, better than anyone.

Silence returned, but of a much different variety. It was now charged, alive with the promise of what was to come. You kept your hand firmly laced with Nolan’s, not wanting to give up touching me for a second. You’ve wanted this for so long, you had lost time to make up for. Years of it.

You’ve never been more glad that the basement of Nolan’s house had been turned into a little apartment for him. You absolutely adored his family, but you didn’t want to be seen by any of them sneaking into his room at this hour. That would be hard to explain.

Nolan helped you out of the truck, lifting you over some large piles of snow. After just a few steps over ice and banks of snow, Nolan decided it was easier to just carry you. You didn’t protest, letting out only a muffle shriek-giggle as he hoisted you on to his back. He navigated the tundra that was his yard with you clinging to him like it was nothing.

The warmth of his little place enveloped you the second he opened the door. Your lips found each other with a newfound excitement as the door closed behind you. You breathed in his familiar scent - mint and cedar - and realized why you had bought so many cedar candles when you moved. You’d been trying to replicate Nolan’s scent subconsciously, but nothing compared to the original. You began pulling off each other’s outerwear, trying to keep as much contact as possible. Within minutes coats and snowflakes were surrounding your feet.

You continued to kiss and peel off clothing as you half walked, half stampeded to his bedroom. You’d been in it plenty of times before when you guys hung out, but it felt so much more intimate this time around. You fell backwards onto his bed, his sheets greeting your back like a soft kiss. Nolan climbed on top of you, a heavy, lusty grin painted on his face. You took in each other, both only in your underwear. Rationally you knew it was no different than seeing each other in a bathing suit, something you’ve experienced countless times, but it still felt worlds apart. You couldn’t help but blush under his gaze.

Nolan’s hand came under your chin, tilting your face so he could look at you in the eyes. “No need to be shy, love,” his voice was smooth as honey, “It’s only me.” He punctuated his words with kisses down your neck. He to plant extra slow, sweet kisses around the edge where your bra met your skin, before removing the garment from your body. “So pretty,” he breathed against your skin. You tangled your fingers through his hair as his kissed and sucked lightly at your delicate skin.

“Nols,” you breathed as you felt his length brush against your clothed core. There were two too many layers of fabric between you. “Please.”

“I got you baby,” he cooed. He shed the final bits of clothing from the two of you and you sucked in a breath. He was bigger than you thought (because yes you had thought about it more than you care to admit), but moreso, you couldn’t believe this was happening. For so long, Nolan had felt like a dream to you, beautiful but always just out of reach. But now he was here in the flesh, touching you and kissing you and fuck you don’t know how you got this damn lucky.

“God you’re perfect,” he sighed, reverent.

“Look who’s talking,” you replied, running your hands down his body, truly feeling him. “You’re like a god or an angel or something.” You were tripping over your words, completely flustered by having him like this. So flustered, that you didn’t even notice his hand trailing up your thighs until two fingers slid into. Your head fell back, a moan melting from your lips.

“Now that’s angelic,” Nolan smiled, returning his lips to your neck. You weren’t sure if it was because you were so into him or if he was a master with his hands(probably both), but he had you worked up in minutes. Your body reacted to his every touch, arching into him to get as close as possible.

“Nolan I’m gonna-” the words died on your lips as a wave of bliss flooded your body. You let out breathless gasps, feeling a pleasure you have never previously experienced.

“Fuck that was hot,” Nolan said almost to himself. The way he looked at you made you feel like you could cum all over again.

“I need you Nols,” you said, greedy for more. He didn’t skip a beat, fishing out a condom from his bedside table before returning to you. Your heart was pounding with nervous excitement and you silently told it that you would never forgive it if it gave out before you got to finish this experience.

Nolan seemed to sense your nerves and pressed a soft kiss to your lips before saying, “We’ll go slow. Just enjoy it.” You nodded kissing him back before positioning him against you. You were so slick from your first orgasm that he slid in easy, though it didn’t make the feeling any less intense. Your back arched and Nolan gripped your hips into place, hissing at the feeling of you around him.

It wasn’t until he was all the way in that you both let out a breath. You felt so full and satisfied you’d be fine if he stopped there. Of course, he had other plans in mind. True to his word, he went slow, drawing out every thrust to let you feel each other. “You feel fucking amazing,” the words tumbled out of his mouth. If you weren’t so blissed out you may have been able to muster a reply.

Slowly, his pace quickened and you knew you weren’t going to last much longer. It was crazy what Nolan did to you, the way he was able to make you feel this good. And he knew it too. Sensing you were close again, his thumb found your clit, rubbing circles over the already sensitive spot. “Come on baby, cum for me,” he purred, licking his lips.

It was all  you needed to succumb to his euphoria. His name left your mouth in a moan as you came for the second time. You barely heard his curses through your fog of bliss, but you couldn’t mistake the feeling of him twitching inside you as he came along with you. This blew everything you ever imagine out of the water by a mile.

“That was…” Nolan’s voice trailed off as he collapsed beside you. He pulled you on to his chest, peppering you with kisses.

“Amazing? Mind blowing? Perfect?” you offered.

“Perfect,” he confirmed, kissing you once more.

*** The next few days passed in a blur of pure perfection. There is nothing more that you needed after your disastrous few months in LA than to be surrounded by the people you love at the holidays. And being with Nolan made it all the more better. Truly, it wasn’t much more different than when you were friends, except there was a lot more kissing and touching under dinner tables.

When you weren’t enjoying these magical moments, your mind was going a mile a minute. You were trying to figure out all your options and navigate all the paths you could possibly take in your mind. No matter how many different possibilities you came up with, they always lead you back to Nolan. After these few days you couldn’t imagine your life without Nolan, and not just as a friend, but as a lover. Not just a lover, the lover, the only one you’d ever need. Or want.

Making that revelation both excited and terrified you. If he didn’t feel the same it would crush you. Those feelings came to a head on your last night, sitting out on your porch with Nolan like those many months ago. You could hear Christmas music and laughter of your families floating out from your house.

“So,” Nolan began.

“So,” you echoed, feeling the weight of the moment pressing down on you.

“I’m just gonna cut to the chase,” he began, “I don’t think I’ve ever been  happier than I have been in these past few days. I love you, y/n. I always have and I probably always will even if you don’t feel the same. But I want this. I want us.”

You practically jumped on him, giving him a long kiss and not caring if anyone inside saw. “I love you too, Nolan,” trying to fight back tears. They were happy ones, but they’d probably freeze on your face. Nolan beamed brighter than you’d ever seen him.

“I have a sort of crazy thought though,” you admitted.

“What’s that?”

“I know I want to be in a city and all this time I thought LA was my perfect fit. But it’s certainly not,” you huffed, “But I think I know what would be. Philly.” Nolan looked at you like he was trying to decode if you were joking. You were most certainly not. What if he thought it was crazy? Or too much too soon.

Your insecurities disappeared as quickly as they came as he said, “There is nothing I would love more.” You hugged him tightly, wondering how it was possible for one person to feel so much joy.

“There’s just one more thing we gotta do,” Nolan smirked, “Tell our parents.” His head tilted to the front door.

“No offense, but I think your mom is gonna love this more than the necklace you gave her,” you teased, standing up and dusting some snow off of you.

Nolan chuckled, “You say that as if this hasn’t been on your mom’s list for years.” You giggled because he was absolutely right.

You stood in front of the mirror that rested beside the door to your apartment, checking yourself over one last time. It wasn't your first time going to a Flyers event, Travis needed back up dates on the occasion his girlfriend couldn’t make it, however this time Kevin was the one in need of assistance. Travis shot you a text this morning that Kevin’s date canceled last minutes and your service was required. Lucky for Kevin your shopping habits had come in handy - the dress you bought last week that you had no purpose for was going to be put to use. 

Right as you decided you looked ready, your phone lit up with a message from Kevin saying he was outside. You grabbed your hand and headed out, excited for a fun night out. You knew most of Travis’s friends pretty well, but Kevin was knew to your circle. You looked forward to getting to know him more tonight. You always thought he was pretty cute, and honestly you wouldn't be mad if this was the first of many dates you had with Kevin.

“Hey, y/n, you look amazing,” Kevin greeted you, helping you into the Uber.

“Thanks Kev, you clean up pretty nice too,” you replied as he slid in next to you.

“Thanks, I seriously owe you for this,” Kevin said.

“Don’t worry about it,” you shook him off, “I couldn’t let you go to your first Flyers event alone.”

“God I would have never heard the end of it from the boys,” Kevin huffed, half laughing, “All the more reason I owe you. Maybe I can take you out for drinks some time?”

“Sure, that sounds like fun,” you nodded. That was easier than you thought. You chatted lightly for the rest of the car ride. At first it was playing a little catch up, telling Kevin what you did for work and so on, but it turned to conspiracy theories about who played Gritty.

“You mean to tell me they haven't told any of you who is in it?” you questioned as you pulled up to the venue.

“You really think they’d tell me of all people?” Kevin replied and the two of you laughed together.

“Okay fair, fair,” you replied, hopping out of the car. Kevin wasn’t exactly known for being subtle.

The two of you walked in side by side, saying passing hellos to familiar faces. You weaved through the tables, finally finding Travis and his girlfriend already waiting there. You greeted everyone with hugs, before Kevin and Travis disappeared to get you two drinks.

“I was so happy when Travis told me you were coming, I feel like I haven't seen you in forever,” Taylor said.

“Yeah I’m looking forward to catching up!” you replied, before playfully adding, “Not too mad about spending the night with Kevin either.”

“Oh do you like him?” Taylor asked, leaning in for the details.

“I definitely like him but I’m trying to figure out if I like him like him, you know?” you explained feeling like you were in middle school.

Taylor nodded, laughing lightly, “I totally get it. Kevin’s a good guy. It’s funny, though, that's not who I would have pictured you with.”

“Who were you thinking?” you cocked a brow.

“I always thought you and Nolan would be good together,” she told you.

Your face twisted in disgust, “Nolan? God no.” Out of all of Travis’s friends, you hated Nolan the most.

Taylor laughed, “I know, I know don’t hate me. Guess I’m not much of a matchmaker because clearly it doesn't work in reality, but I dunno. I really would have thought you two would be a great match.” 

If you didn't like Taylor so much, you’d be offended. But she was right, she was not much a matchmaker at all. As much as you didn’t like Nolan, he didn’t like you. Right from the start, things had always been rocky between you. He reeked of entitlement and walked around like he was a gift to women. You swore he nearly blew a gasket when you told him he wasn’t your type. You guessed he didn’t hear that much.

Ever since that things got worse. The more you ignored him, the more he tried to push you buttons, and push he did. He had an uncanny ability to get under your skin and despite your best efforts you couldn’t help but snap back at him. It was nearly impossible to be around him and not be at each other's throats.

You tried to avoid him as much as possible, but being best friends with Travis didn't make that easy. As if by design, Kevin and Travis returned to the table with Nolan by their sides.

“Look what the cat dragged in,” Kevin announced with a big grin. Nolan smirked, looking right at you. You rolled your eyes and looked away while Taylor said hello.

“Nice dress y/n,” Nolan said with a feigned sincerity he knew ground your gears.

“Great, now I have to burn it,” you muttered. As if things couldn’t get worse, Nolan sat down in the chair next to you. “Seriously? Can't you go be a menace somewhere else?”

“Sorry sweetheart, this is where I was assigned to sit,” Nolan replied.

“There’s only a few tables of five and Nolan didn’t have a date so he needed be here,” Travis explained. He always jumped in and tried to keep the peace, but it never really worked. The hatred just ran too deep.

You let out a laugh. “No shock here you’re dateless.”

Nolan smirked, taking a swig of his drink, “Don’t worry, I’ll find someone to go home with.” 

“Gross,” you grumbled, scooting your seat closer to Kevin. At least you still had him. You tried to make the best of a bad situation and, luckily, you were able to talk with Kevin without much interruption from Nolan. In fact, you didn't really have to hear from him much at all. Tonight was one of those team events where higher ups and owners were making speeches about Flyers future and how great the season will be and blah blah blah. Truthfully, these were some of the most boring ones to go to, however the fact that it limited conversation was feeling like a blessing right now.

You were expecting the peace to end when the speeches did, but even as dinner was served, Nolan was pretty quiet. Still annoying, he could never not be, but it was manageable at the moment.

Suddenly, his fingers brushed against your thigh. You looked over at him, but he  wasn’t even looking you, he seemed to be deep in conversation with Travis. You chocked it up to accident - the tables were small after all - until you felt it again.

This time he was looked at you, a knowing smirk on his face. You scowled at him, about to ask what he was doing when his hand slid to your inner thigh. You drew in a breath. Nolan winked at you and your lower stomach stirred. And that’s what you hated the most. No matter how much he irritated you, no matter how much you fought with him, there was this very small (at least that’s what you told yourself) part of you that was attracted to him.

“Y/n, something up?” Kevin asked, noticing you were distracted.

“Oh, no sorry I just zoned out,” you replied quickly, reaching for your water to give yourself an extra few seconds to collect your thoughts. Just as you were swallowing the water, Nolan’s hand slid up your dress, ghosting across your clothed core. You drew in breath, causing the water to go down wrong.

“Are you okay y/n?” Travis asked, giving you a confused look.

“Someone’s thirsty,” Nolan teased, both of his hands now innocently in his lap. You shot him a dirty look while you tried to dry up the water that had spilt.

“Yeah sorry guys just went down wrong,” you replied, “If you’ll excuse me I’m going to dry off.” You nearly jumped up from the table, happy to get away from Nolan. 

To your dismay, the bathroom didn’t have hand driers, only towels. You did your best to soak up the water droplets that had gotten on your dress, eventually excepting you were going to have a few water marks for the next hour or so. You were headed back to the table when you were yanked into a small supply closet.

“Hey what the fuck!” you gasped, “Nolan what the hell?” Even in the limited lighting you could see the snarky little look on his face.

“Just checking to make sure you’re okay.” he replied.

“Then why the fuck are you pulling me into a coat closet?” you questioned.

“You know why,” his voice was low as he took a step towards you. Your breath caught in your throat.

“If this is about the stunt you pulled at the table-”

“You liked that didn’t you?” he asked.

“Absolutely not,” you replied as firmly as possible.

“Than why not tell me to stop?” he questioned.

“I didn’t wanna cause a scene.” It was the first response that popped into your head.

Nolan laughed. “You and I both know you have no problem causing a scene, especially with me. What’s the real reason?” He took another step towards you, his scent invading your senses. You ignored how the warm, fresh scent nearly made your mouth water. You tried to take a step back to create more distance between the two of you, but you were already flushed against the wall.

When you didn’t answer Nolan went on, “You know I really meant what I said about this dress. You look fucking amazing in it. A shame I got it wet... but I’m wondering if there’s something else that got wet?” God he was so vulgar you hated it... and hated how much you liked it.

“You wish,” you tried to snap, but it came out incredibly soft. Nolan had you right where he wanted you, you knew it and unfortunately he did too.

“Let me feel then and prove me wrong. I know you love that,” Nolan continued, his fingers playing with the hem of your dress. You did love that, but you were sure that was not what would happen if he touched your right now. You couldn't say that, so you said nothing.

Your heart hammered in your chest as he slowly worked up closer to the apex of your thighs. “You could tell me to stop any time you know,” Nolan said, stopping just outside the line of your underwear. You were aching at this point, the tension between you and Nolan making your core throb. You knew he wanted to hear you say you wanted it, but yo couldn’t fully give him that.

“Oh just get on with it,” you groaned. It was all you could imagine, but it was enough to make Nolan grin with triumph. He hooked a finger around your underwear and pulled it down your legs. He ran a finder across your slit and you bit down on your lip to stifle a moan.

“Oh baby you’ve got it bad for me don’t you?” He groaned, coating his finger in your wetness.

“Fuck off,” it came out as a gasp as he slipped his finger inside you.

Nolan chuckled, “Doesn't feel like you want me to do that.” Before you could respond, Nolan got on his knees. 

“What’re yo-” your question was answered before you could get it out. He pushed up your dress, exposing you to him. 

He kissed your inner thigh before saying, “Can't even tell you how long I've thought about having you like this.” His lips connected to your pussy and this time you couldn’t keep your moan contained. 

It pained you how good Nolan was, expertly moving his tongue against your most sensitive spots. It’s like he’d been studying your body for years. You tangled your hands through his hair, keeping him as close to you as possible. Nolan slid his tongue in your pussy making your hips hitch. He gripped your thighs so tightly to keep you in place and part of you feared there would be marks left.

“Fuck, Nolan right there,” you gasped as quietly as possible. You hadn’t forgotten where you were and the absolute last thing you needed was for someone to catch you two like this. Still, you were so close and your building orgasm was making it hard to think about anything else. 

Nolan obliged, continuing to work at you unlike you’ve ever felt before. Moments later it hit you, flooding your body with such an intense high you had to cover your own mouth to keep quiet. Your legs were shaking and you were certain if Nolan wasn’t holding you up you would have collapsed.

Nolan nipped at your inner thighs while you caught your breath. He wiped off his mouth with the back of his hand as he stood up, grinning proudly. “So much for not being your type,” Nolan chirped.

“Oh whatever,” you huffed. You finally felt like you were coming back to your senses, but you were still trying to process whatever the hell just happened.

“When you’re ready to admit you want more, you know where to find me,” Nolan smirked, before leaving you alone in the closet.

“Holy fuck,” you said to yourself. You took a deep breath, trying to collect yourself as you pulled back on your underwear. You felt like an idiot now, not believing you let that happen. You smoothed out your dress to the best of your ability, hoping you didn’t look as disheveled as you felt.

Nolan was already back at the table, chatting causally with Travis. “Hey y/n, everything okay? You were gone for a while,” Travis as when he saw you. You made an effort to not even look at Nolan, fearing they would all somehow know.

“Yeah sorry I, um- the water stains just weren’t coming out as quick as I thought,” you stumbled over your words. Luckily no one seemed to notice. Needless to say you weren’t much for conversation the rest of the night. You tried your best to keep up as to not raise any alarms but you were definitely absentminded. 

You must have been a better actress than you thought, because no one questioned you for the rest of the night. Kevin even said he had a great time with you, though he could have just been being nice. You felt bad about it, technically you were his date even though it was in a friendly way. It still felt sorta wrong to do that.

You kept your distance from Travis the next few weeks. Not that he did anything, but you knew if you were around him it would be inevitable that you would run into Nolan and you weren't ready for that. What would you say? What would he say? You hoped he wouldn't tell anyone what happened, you’d never be able to live it down. You imagined that if Travis knew, you would have heard from him by now, so that was your only bit of peace.

You hadn’t heard from Nolan, not that you really expected to. You don’t even think he had your number and you certainly never bothered to save his. You thought he may have found some way to sneak you an obnoxious message, but nothing. You wondered if he just saw you as another girl to conquer and now that he got his way he didn't care.

Eventually, you were missing your friend and he was getting suspicious of you suddenly disappearing. You knew if you denied the invite to his party tonight he’d be demanding answers. And, like, fuck Nolan right? You shouldn’t miss out on things because of him. You could ignore him, you were good at that. It wouldn’t be a big deal.

So why were you so nervous? You had wiped your palms on your jeans for the third time since arriving a short time ago.

“Jesus y/n what has gotten into you?” Travis asked, noting your stressed appearance. Nolan wasn’t there yet, but it was only a matter of time.

“Work,” you lied quickly. It was an easy out. “Just been a busy few weeks.”

Travis nodded, too buzzed to question you further. “You need this,” he handed you a cup, which you drank happily. He was right, you did need it. 

You downed most of the cup before you saw him. Your heart skipped a beat and you cursed it for betraying you. You couldn’t have feelings for Nolan, it went against everything you head told you. He caught your eye and you turned away quickly, downing the last bit of your drink and scurrying away to quickly find another.

“Hey y/n,” a familiar voice piped from behind you. You jumped, spilling the sprite you had been trying to add to your cup. Your stomach sunk to the floor when you saw him. Did he always look this good? You never noticed how tight his shirts were around his arms.

“What do you want Nolan?” you asked, trying to sound annoyed.

“Do you even have to ask?” He stepped closer to you. Fuck did he always smell this good too? What the fuck was happening to you?

“What are you doing? Is this just some fucking game to you?” you snapped. 

“I thought this was our thing, no?” he raised a brow at you.

“We do not have a thing,” you replied firmly.

“Oh please, y/n, after that you’re gonna act like you don’t like me?” He didn’t have to specify what “that” was. Your cheeks flushed at even the most subtle mention of it.

“Oh and you like me?” you shot back, “You act like you hate me.”

“Key word act,” Nolan responded, “I thought our banter was fun, you’re kinda sexy when you’re all worked up.” 

You huffed, rolling your eyes.

“See, that’s hot,” Nolan replied with a crooked grin, “I like that you put me in my place. You don’t take shit from anyone.”

“You’re full of shit,” you breathed, as Nolan got ever closer to you. At any moment someone could walk in and catch you two like this.

“That’s the difference between me and you, though,” Nolan went on, “I’m not afraid to admit I’ve thought about you. Touching you, kissing you, hearing you say my name.” His voice dropped to whisper as he got right next to you ear, “I know you’ve thought about me too, y/n.”

You looked at Nolan for any hint of jest in his eyes, fearing this was just some elaborate way to get you to admit you liked him so he could chirp you for it. There was none. You’ve never seen him look so sincere. Never noticed all the little flecks of colors in his eyes. You were memorizing them.

“Can we go somewhere private?” your voice was so quiet you were shocked he heard you over the din of the party happening just a room away. He grabbed you by the hand and let you to Travis’s spare room. 

The whole walk there you were thinking of what you wanted to say. Not that it matter, the second the door shut you practically crashed into each other, kissing hungrily. You realized it was the first time you had kissed and, fuck, was it making your head spin. Nolan held your face tightly, like he was afraid you could slip away at any second.

You only separated for a second, though your foreheads remained pressed together while you caught your breath. “I want you so bad,” Nolan panted.

“Show me.” 

He lifted you up swiftly, bring you to the bed. He collapsed on top of you, kissing and touching your body with urgency. Clothes came off quicker than you could keep track of and suddenly there was nothing separating the two of you.

You flushed as Nolan looked over you. “Better than I ever imagined,” he said so softly you wondered if you were even supposed to hear it. He was kissing you again in an instant and you could feel him hardening against your inner thigh. IT was driving you mad.

“Nolan I need you,” you whined, breaking the kiss.

He smirked, “Thought you’d never ask.” Nolan pressed into you slowly, your nails sinking deeper into you back the deeper he got into you.

“Fuck,” you groaned when he was all the way in.

“Always knew you’d love how it felt,” Nolan teased.

“Oh shut up,” you shot back.

Nolan grinned, pressing a kiss to your lips, “That’s my girl.” You didn’t have much time to process how your stomach fluttered when he called you his girl, as he quickly got to work. He thrusts were urgent, but not rushed. It was clear he was savoring this.

“Oh Nolan,” you let out a soft moan. His pace only got quicker at your praise. His hand slid up your side, learning the curves of your body. You slid your hand around the back of his neck and kissed at his jaw. the sound of his pants were music to your ears.

“Fucking hell, y/n,” Nolan groaned, his head tilting back as you were beginning to tighten around him. You wanted to tell him you were close, but your body beat you to it. Your back arched and it was like all the air had been sucked out of you as you came. You wrapped your arms around his back, holding him close to you as you felt his body shake. He let out slur of groans and curses as he came with you.

You kept kissing as you finished, giggling between kisses. You felt a million pounds lighter, not realizing how heavy the weight of the secret you’d been carrying around had been. Nolan grinned down at you, his cheeks flushed a deeper shade of red than usual. You tucked a strand of hand behind his hair, admiring how he was practically glowing.

“I wish we could go again, but people are gonna wonder where we are,” he said.

“You got more in you?” you cocked a brow.

“Oh you have no idea what I’m capable of y/n,” Nolan responded, “Especially when you feel this good.” He ran his fingers through your wet aching core to prove his point. You were so sensitive you jumped at even that slight contact.

“Odds we sneak out without teeks noticing?” you asked.

“Depends, how many beers has he had?” Nolan replied. You both got dressed quickly, hoping your host - all the guests - were too drunk to notice or care about your absence.

“Jesus Christ finally,” a loud voice chirped the second you reemerged. There goes that. Travis was beaming at the two of you. He was obviously drunk, but not drunk enough to forget how badly hes been wanting this to happen. “I was beginning to think you two idiots would never out you liked each other.”