#myteddy3

Last night was amazing. She makes me feel things not a lot of people have made me feel and then again a lot more than that. Last night, she made me feel so good. So cared for- I was scared I might drop the "L" word. (But I didn't because when I say it- I want it to mean something-for she means something to me). I can no longer lie to myself. I am madly in like with her. I catch myself falling for her. I can no longer imagine my future without her in it. I didn't think it would hurt that much to even imagine my life without her. Friends- I am invested. I am terrified. But she is worth it. She is worth all the "what if's" that can happen.

You keep texting me, saying you love me and that you miss me. You said I scared you. That I was putting too much pressure on you. That I'm to good for you. You say you love me- but I'm starting to believe you don't. You can say all these sweet things but your actions say otherwise. What was it you told me the other day? Words are words. You don't have to hear it. What counts are your actions- what you do. And so far love your actions say otherwise. How can you say you love and miss me, when you go home and cuddle with her. When you still sleep with her. I refuse to be some side chick or the "other person". I deserve much more than that. I was willing to fight for you. Help you/be there for you through these "difficult times"- yet the second she knocked on your door, you went back to her. You didn't spare a second. You chose to end this. You chose to walk away. Not me. But why am I the one comforting you. Why do I feel like the guilty one, when I have done everything you've asked of me. Idk.... hopefully you realize what ur doing before I give up and walk away...

I don't want to say bye. Not officially bye. Not forever. I'm just so use to talking to you. To having u in my life. Even being friends with you- it would probably make this hurt a little less. But then I guess I'd be lying to myself. Because this between us is over. I can't pretend it isn't. Is it bad that I want/hope? for u to one day look back at what we had and ponder as to why you let something so good walk away? Don't get me wrong I do wish u the best of luck- but I can't help for a little side of me to wish that. I wish I touched some part of your life of your being. That u remember me. As the girl who cared deeply for you. The girl that wanted nothing but to make you happy and smile.

You said you'd catch me if I fell.. Well, I fell and u didn't catch me . Instead, you crushed my heart. And yet I can't find it within myself to hate you. I can't hate you My being won't let me

So done with today I just want it to end So I can lay down in a ball, and cry myself to sleep. ... I guess today really marks the end of us huh?

I don’t like how we left things. I don’t like how you shut me out. I don’t like how that irritated me. I don’t like how she always comes up and puts you in a bad mood. I don’t like fighting and not talking to you I don’t like feeling like this-like what we have might not be enough- like maybe it might be too much for you to juggle at the moment. I don’t like how scared I am for that to be the truth. I don’t like how you have the power to hurt me. … But most importantly - I don’t like not being next to you right now I don’t like not being able to hold you. I don’t like how far away we are from each other