#myraps

The pain never fades, you only deal with it better

And I’m sorry if I seem a little under the weather,

But it’s hard to be happy when ain’t no one on your side,

It feels like all I got is my high,

And all of my friends go run to your side,

Sayin for makin you choose, I’m the bad guy

But you remember that night, don’t you?

Did you even mean what you said?

Or did you just lie your way through

The walls I put up, talkin’ bout how you meant well

Ha, that’s some bullshit incase you couldn’t tell

You’ve given me so much strife, that as this pen hits this paper

There should be a tear for it too, but I can’t find one to spare

And as I write all I remember is the pain that I felt

On that bus ride back from a full week of hell,

And at 3 AM all I could do was just stare,

I don’t even enjoy my high no more,

I can’t think about you without crying no more,

Roll up to get you off my brain you got me goin insane,

Every time I see you I gotta look away

I can’t get back involved, you don’t feel the same,

This is unrequited love burnin through my veins

But it gives me the power to take this pen to this paper

And even more power to say no to a razor,

But anyway back to the story,

You make me so fuckin sorry

For everything that I do,

And everything that I’ve said,

All these fuckin’ thoughts just pourin' outta my head,

But hey you got him and I got my bros,

It’s better than bein’ left with nothin’ I suppose

But I’m still waiting for the day that you finally see,

You made the wrong fuckin’ choice every day of that week,

To tell me it wouldn’t work and that I should quit

Now the pain that you feel makes everything go numb

You're ranting to your friends but it doesn't mean much

Cause feeling that razor on your wrist gives you a rush

To the head, like when you'd be in bed and shed pop into your head

I keep saying fuck you I hate you but I miss you so much

Nothing else gives me a feeling as this shit does

This only happens once every couple of months so please forgive me

If I'm sounding like a suicidal kid who complains about having to be

Hanging out with his friends or sitting in his bed

And nothing makes him happy and he just can't smile

And he just can't laugh and he just can't rival

The bullshit he puts up with on a day to day basis

Yo fuck this shit I'm goin on a hiatus

Gonna chill Over at the ER cause I'm two inches deep

And I took too many pills cause I wanted to go to sleep

But not just a nap or that little 8 hours a night bullshit

I wanted that sleep that makes it guaranteed you won't ever have to feel it

Again, the pain and the love, the cuts and the drugs, the drunkness and the hugs

Cause ain't none of that matter now I'm halfway gone

Demons from my past tryna drag me down by me feet,

I need to get back my thunder, but im feelin like im six feet under

I never thought itd get this bad, how the hell can I explain the cuts to dad?

And the blood stains on my floor and the skeletons in my closet

The rolling papers in the pillow and the lighter in my pocket

Getting high to escape my thoughts, cause they eat me alive on the inside

And I cant sleep and I can barely fuckin eat without thinking that everyone’s lookin at me

But they just cant comprehend it

One day im just gonna say “fuck it”

Go out on a drive and take a fuckin pole out

Along with my life and the demons comin out

Out of my brain and into my mouth

The shit I spit is satanic but its real and I live it

Every single mothafuckin day of my muthafuckin life

And every day is just filled with more and more strife

But I guess that’s how it is, and I guess there aint no changing it

Im spittin an 18 now and I aint even gotten half my problems out