Beginnings of the ends
You know, when I thought to begin this, it was for the purpose of quieting down the noise in my head stirring about due to my insecurities being a new mother and new wife. As it turns out, the noise comes from a dark place in my past. I'm still haunted and can't move forward with my life Until I accept what happened and begin to forgive myself. My transition into this new life will not be possible until I allow myself to leave my past in the past where it belongs. Everytime a painful flashback of those days pops into my head I cringe as if it happened only yesterday. I'm haunted. I'm still embarrassed and I have never had closure. I don't even think I know how to achieve closure. All I know is that it is affecting me now in a very negative way. I hate myself as a mother. I don't deserve this beautiful, precious life I've been blessed with. Sometimes I wish. Everyday I pray for a new beginning. A fresh start with her where my slate is wiped clean and we can begin again at purity. But every day I tarnish it. I'm a monster. I need strength. I need help.
