#myonlyvice

The only way to keep moving forward was to keep himself busy. That was what Thaddeus had always done and what he was telling himself to do now. He couldn’t bear to be on the network. There was a weight to being on there, more than the usual lying about his job. Thaddeus didn’t like to put on a smile he didn’t want to wear, didn’t want to talk about trivial topics that didn’t mean anything to him, and he didn’t want to deal with people crawling on his ass or dotting on him. Mostly, he didn’t want to make plans that he’d have to blow off for his job or promises to people he’d once considered friends. No, though he was keeping busy to move forward he also kept to himself, preferring to be alone and only making an exception for the Sunday dinners at the Clarke’s.

From the moment he agreed to go see Fraye’s show he could feel himself thinking of excuses to say he couldn’t make it out. Then, Fraye suggested that he bring Mariana, giving him two tickets, and he found himself guilty for feeling like he still didn’t want to go. The thought of being in a crowd made his palms moist. Thaddeus made the plans, dinner and to make a poster in support of Fraye, and he started to feel less anxious about the outing. He only went into work for a few hours, mainly for paperwork, and stopped at the store on his way back. He picked up flowers, a simple bouquet of white violets, and dinner. While he waited for her to show up, he fired up the grill and started making kabobs. His eyes followed the dogs playing in his backyard while he waited for the sound of the doorbell.

When Mariana got there she’d already made posters for Fraye, leaving him to simply say thank you and focus on her. Dinner was on the table, her flowers in a vase next to her plate. Thaddeus has managed a genuine laugh or two as they talked about how he cooked for her even though they talked about a restaurant and how she’d done the sign though they’d talked about doing it together. They were independent people that meshed well together. Mariana helped him relax, she didn’t push him to explain his problems. He didn’t push her hand away when she straightened his tie and drew her thumb across his multicolored jaw. In fact, when he asked if it was still extremely noticeable despite trying to grow his beard out he welcomed her sympathetic yes.

Truthfully the night was fun, he enjoyed the show and cheering Fraye on. In the few times the cameras turned to show her supporters he raised the sign to his battered face, going unnoticed. They stayed behind to give Fraye a celebratory hug for making it through another week and he was relieved to see her so happy, but maybe less enthusiastic about the nudge she gave Mariana thinking he didn’t notice. When he pulled back up to his house and she pulled out her car keys he was surprised to catch his own hand covering hers. For a brief moment he froze, his deep voice muttered a thank you hardly over a whisper. When her eyes met his, the tips of his fingers moved up her arm and mer her chin. The tension in their closeness was palpable. As Thaddy’s body’s desires leaned him closer his thoughts pulled him from her. Closing his eyes, he told her to let him know that she got home safe, turned on his heel and marched into his house, not looking back.