"Cant you see what you're doing to me?" Kills me because I just imagine LWJ, King of Stoic Faces, just this once baring this rawness to WWX, and WWX being so far gone he doesnt realize how much he's *yet again* hurting people who love him 😭
[set after #22]
Wei Wuxian is sitting up in bed, wrapped in a heavy winter cloak and an assortment of thick blankets despite the baking heat of the room, when Lan Wangji returns to the manor. He sets aside the book in his hands as Lan Wangji pulls up a chair to sit by the bed, a ready smile on his lips.
“You’re back early today,” he comments. “I thought you would have wanted to stay longer.”
Lan Wangji sighs and takes one slender hand in his, stroking it with his thumb in gentle sweeping motions. The skin is still worryingly cool to the touch and the bones feel brittle and delicate between his fingers, but there is strength in the way he returns the gentle pressure, which alleviates some of his concern. He stares down at their joined hands in quiet contemplation.
“I spoke with Huangshu,” he says after a moment. Wei Wuxian hums in acknowledgment. “I told him I wish to take you as my legal spouse.”
There is a sharp intake of breath as Wei Wuxian stiffens in shock.
“Lan Zhan, you didn’t,” he breathes. “Please tell me you didn’t.”
“I did,” Lan Wangji tells him. He gives his hand a gentle squeeze. “I made you a promise, Wei Ying. And I intend to keep it.”
Wei Wuxian looks troubled.
“Lan Zhan, you can’t go making these decisions on your own,” he tells him. “Taishi is your uncle, and Huangshang is your brother. You cannot marry without their consent.”
Lan Wangji cups his pale cheek with his free hand and smiles.
“Huangxiong has already given his support,” he says.
He had expected—or rather, hoped—that this news would come as a pleasant surprise. Instead, Wei Wuxian’s frown deepens and his hands start to shake within his grasp; he moves to sit on the bed instead, bringing them in closer proximity so he can offer comfort, but Wei Wuxian turns away from his touch. His heart clenches at the tiny gesture, but he waits patiently as Wei Wuxian takes a few deep, shuddering breaths.
“Wangye, you know we can’t,” he says quietly.
“We can,” Lan Wangji says with confidence. “If Huangxiong has given his approval, then no one else can say no.”
“But they can,” Wei Wuxian cries, turning back to look at him with distress written over his features. “Don’t you understand, Lan Zhan? Your marriage is a matter of the state and must be carefully considered. Even if it were not, marriage is something decided by the parents and arranged by a matchmaker. You cannot go making these decisions on your own.”
There was a time when Wei Wuxian would have jumped at the chance to rile Lan Qiren—would have delighted in it, and actively challenged him on it. But circumstances have changed. He is no longer the cocky and confident young master he had been when he was last in Gusu; he no longer has the privilege of position and family that had afforded him the luxury to flout the rules and customs of their society without fear of consequences.
“People will talk,” he continues. “They already do—”
“Wei Ying,” Lan Wangji says patiently. “People will always talk. It is in their nature. We cannot let this dictate how we live our lives.”
“But it does.” Wei Wuxian sighs, frustrated. “Lan Zhan, can’t you see what you’re doing? I don’t care what they say about me—”
“I don’t care what they say about me either,” Lan Wangji says stubbornly.
The look Wei Wuxian gives him is both exasperated and fond.
“Lan Zhan…” he trails off, looking down at his hands. “We are not children anymore. You should know better than anyone that your family’s power and position comes from the people who support you. It is your duty to serve them as a member of the Imperial Family. Your behaviour must be beyond reproach.”
Lan Wangji considers his words. The Imperial Family has been in power for hundreds of years, serving the people of Gusu with steadfast honour and benevolence; he does not doubt their people’s loyalty to them. But Wei Wuxian is right. They have a duty to the people, to lead them by example. His actions reflect on the Imperial Family and on his brother’s rule no matter how small and inconsequential it may seem at the time. He cannot afford to be selfish.
It leaves a bitter taste in the back of his throat.
“So you will not marry me?” he asks. Wei Wuxian’s smile is soft and sad.
“I can’t,” he says softly, apologetically. He brushes his fingers across Lan Wangji’s jaw gently, reverently. “Marrying me will bring you nothing but shame and ridicule. I won’t have it, not for you.”
He takes hold of the hand against his cheek and presses a kiss to the palm, drawing a hitched breath from Wei Wuxian, and trails his lips down to the inside of his wrist. He relishes the way the pulse beneath the delicate skin flutters at the gentle caress, the way Wei Wuxian trembles and sighs against him as he draws him into his arms.
“Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian murmurs, turning his face into Lan Wangji’s shoulder. “I don’t care about titles, or legitimacy, or marriage. I just want to be with you. For as long as you’ll have me.”
Lan Wangji wraps his arms tighter around him, drawing him closer, and presses a kiss to his hair.
“We will do as you say,” he concedes, and feels Wei Wuxian relax against him. “But Huangxiong will still like to speak with you. If you are willing.”
Wei Wuxian smiles into his shoulder.
“Of course,” he says. “I am honoured Huangshang is willing to grant me an audience.”
// buy me a ko-fi //
Master Post is here
