#myoldplace

Yesterday was a really interesting and trying day for me. Me and my sister went out to Orange County. Now we havent been out there driving around since we lived out there so probably not since 2007 was the last time so like 5 yrs. We went out there in 2010 for Disneyland but that was it and then we came home we didnt visit didnt see anything from our old lives.

First after we visited our Cousin at her house and saw her 3 babies aka cats who just turned 5 but we havent seen since they were a few months old. That was fun. Then we went to a baby shower for this girl we went to high school with. She was a year younger then me, and 2 yrs older then my sister. She's been living in TN for yrs now even when we lived out there but has family in CA. Her sister is getting married in two week so shes out here for a month visiting with her two babies. A little boy (whom wasnt there sadly) who is a year and her baby born in Feb a little girl. The shower was for her baby girl already born her mom threw it since she was out here and she invited us. I havent seen her in person since I was in high school try 1998. Yikes I feel old. It was very awkward as me and my sister were the ONLY ones at this shower without any kids! And most of the people there was younger then me. I knew just one more girl and she has 2 kids 5, 3, and 1 more on the way (in Nov). It just felt strange suddenly being this person going on 33 in 7 months and not even married. I know its "not a competition" as one of the few people left from high school I went with that isnt married or dating said. But still its just something else. Its envy, its saddness, its depressing to not even be in a  place that has gotten to me to anything I should have by now. Even a real job! I cant even show that. About the only thing that impressed them at the party was: we lived on our own for 4 yrs, 3 almost in TN and 1 in AZ. AND we work at Legoland. Yup. No kids, single, not even close but we have traveled. I guess thats a good thing but still.

Was only too glad to leave the party but it was fun. I get to do a real baby shower in July for my cousin having her first baby in August. I'm excited for that one! Its coming up SO quickly!! At least i will have more single people there including my cousin mentioned above (its her little sister) who isnt married and is older then me even.

We went to our old house in Anaheim. I grew up there and I was there for a very long time. I lived there since I was 1 yrs old, and we moved before I turned 27 so 26 yrs. My uncle fixed it up after my grandma died and we had to move out (as in emotionally couldnt stand to be in the same place). The house is so different the only thing the same is the porch and if you look carefully you can see our old address 522. The whole neighborhood seems different, everthing did. We drove by our old library and Carl's Jr. It felt like a dream I knew I have had before. But standing in front of this place we grew up, our grandma died in, we buried lost pets in, so much so many memories. It was so emotional. It was so strange. I cant explain how much it affected me. But I've been wanting to do it so long. I know it feels like everything is changed about where we grew up. But I know I am changed too. Just cause i dont have kids, a husband, or a career I am changed in so many ways.

The day wore me out. And I slept harsh last night so exhausted. Kinda glad I didnt get a shift today (but I would have taken one I do need them!). Kinda glad to just relax after several days of losing sleep. Yesterday was tiring not just cause I was tired, but the drive and the emotions and all just kinda tore me in several directions I didnt plan to go.