Lost In Work
Those of you curious, I’m a state employee. I’m with the department of mental health. My job is easy to those on the outside looking in. And physically, most days it is easy. But mentally and emotionally, this job is hard. Some days staff gets beat up, I’ve had my hair pulled out, punched in the face, bit, kicked, slapped and spit on. I’ve had to get a series of shots to ensure I’d not contract any type of virus a client has. I’ve been covered in someone else’s urine and fecal matter. I’ve had to sit and watch a client die because they were a DNR. I’ve had to watch clients be rushed via ambulance to hospitals because we find them not breathing, choking, etc. and there is nothing we can further do at that point. I’ve had to watch clients suffer because we are doing all we can and its not enough to ease their pain. I have bathed clients and ended up getting more water on me then them. I prepare meals in hopes that a client won’t grow the food at me again. I have watched clients rip G-Tubes and ostomy bags off their bodies. I have had to stick my finger in the hole for the G-tube to prevent it from closing while I wait for a nurse to come. I’ve awakened at 3 am before freaking out that I didn’t give a client their meds. I worry 24/7 about the clients I care for. I may only work 2-10:30, but it feels like most days I’m always on the clock. Quitting my job is on the back of my mind a lot. But when I look into the eyes of my clients and see these beautiful souls that need me I stay. My job has changed me. My patience is stronger than ever. My heart has grew ten sizes bigger than what it was. I’ve learned skills that I’m able to take home and apply to my regular life outside of work. But most of all the one thing I have learned the most is how to love. These clients have shown me how to love more than I ever thought possible.
